The Game Skull Session: Get Dumped Then, Team Up North

By Kevin Harrish on November 30, 2019 at 4:59 am
It's time for war in today's skull session.

It's here.

I said this last year and I'll say it again – I've never in my life awoken on a noon Saturday earnestly afraid of a Michigan football team, and that sure as hell ain't starting today.

Less than three months ago, I was watching a service academy that probably won't even be bowl eligible this year take this Michigan team to overtime after holding it to 14 points in regulation, and now I'm supposed to believe that this team will hang with one of the most dominant college football teams of all time? Give me a damn break.

I admit that the Wolverines are much improved since that scare against the troops (and the following game when Wisconsin ran through them like a freight train hitting a squirrel), but I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that's enough to even keep things close. Cause it's not.

Ohio State is better at every aspect of this game – every position, every unit, and every coaching role. I'm not going to pretend this game is going to be something it's not just because it's a rivalry. It was a rivalry last year too, and Ohio State sliced them apart like a toddler with safety scissors.

I know the talking points – you throw the records out in a game like this because anything can happen. But the thing is, "anything" hasn't happened in 15 years, outside of that time the worst Ohio State team in modern history still almost beat Michigan in the Big House with an interim coach.

I appreciate history as much as the next, but this ain't 1969. These decades, Michigan gets bagged and tagged. And today's going to be no different.

The Buckeyes are about to kick that ass like it's never been kicked before, and I'll be watching like a kid on Christmas.

Ohio State 42, Michigan 10


 URBAN MEYER DESTROYS JIM HARBAUGH WITH WORDS. Urban Meyer just improved to 5-0 against Jim Harbaugh with a single damn sentence.

“I can’t imagine going 0-5 in that rivalry,” former Ohio State Coach Urban Meyer said in a telephone interview.

Meyer, who finished with a 7-0 record against Michigan, grew up outside Cleveland during the 10-year stretch when the rivalry was the domain of two Hall of Fame coaches, Woody Hayes of Ohio State and Bo Schembechler of Michigan. Meyer later understood that the rivalry held the key to success at Ohio State. To lose that game, Meyer said, meant letting down not just a program and a university, but an entire state.

The best thing that ever happened to me, the Ohio State blogger who feeds on a legendary head coach dropping napalm on the blue team, is Meyer moving into the media after his retirement and turning off the coach speak.

And here's the thing, it's real. You want to know how that man went 7-0 against Michigan? It's because he's never cared about anything in his life as much as he cares about beating Michigan. 

"People say you could lose every game but you have to win that game, I actually believe that.

"This is the world."

He might have to be restrained this afternoon.

 LOSING HURTS. We'll have plenty of schadenfreude in the coming hours, that's for damn sure, but we're getting some pregame too because there's nothing more delicious than the lamentations of beaten and broken Michigan Men.

Thankfully, The Detroit News did the lord's work, providing us a greatest hits compilation of Wolverine tears. And Jack Miller's absolutely pitiful elegy might take the cake.

Jack Miller (2011-2014)

“You need to point out I live in Ohio. Agony might be the first word that comes to mind. Agony. The fan base is just obnoxious. The fans are horrible. Dealing with that here in the state of Ohio is horrible. At least I won one game against them. We’re in such a bad stretch, and dealing with it here in Ohio is agony, it really is. It’s awful, it really is. I think you have a good feel for the sentiment I have. How I really feel is anger all the time. And I feel like God loves the Buckeyes. Is that not true? What other program can lose a legendary head coach and move to a rookie coach and somehow get better? Seriously, who can do that? How does that work? God loves the Buckeyes. They refuse to get bad. They won’t do it.”

Meanwhile, Devin Gardner sounds like... a closet Ohio State fan? Or at the very least, totally apathetic at the ass kicking his team has been dealt most of his life.

Devin Gardner (2010-2014)

“Is it something you can write? I don’t know if you can put bleeps in writing. I don’t have anything good, but like nothing really bad. It’s like eh, at least it’s not Michigan State. They lost three quarterbacks and won a national championship. That’s BS, that’s what it is. It’s been devastating for me. How does that happen? I do like their colors. My favorite color is red. That’s where it stops. I don’t like scarlet, I like red. Scarlet is the ladies’ version of red.”  

Let's recap:

  • "I don’t have anything good, but like nothing really bad."
  • "At least it's not Michigan State."
  • "I do like their colors."

Folks, THAT is how you lose 14 games in 15 tries.

Comparing Ohio State to Michigan State and suggesting that he hates Michigan State more, when complimenting your rival's color scheme? Good lord. Urban Meyer would revoke his damn scholarship.

 NICK SABAN KNOWS. Nick Saban is out here paying more respect to the Ohio State vs. Michigan rivalry than anyone to the north has the past two decades.

“I know Alabama and Auburn is big and all of that kind of stuff and it is – and I don't mean to disrespect it in any way – but Woody wouldn't even let you buy gas in Michigan. You couldn't turn in a gas receipt if you were recruiting there. You had to buy it in Toledo, go where you're going and come back.”

But you've still got folks in the south insisting there's a comparison. There's only one game today.

 ONLY ONE PICK, ONLY ONE GAME. I went 5-5 last week, bringing my annual total to 46-55-1.

This week, I'm not going to wade in waters I don't know. We're going to make this real simple.

  • Ohio State -8.5 against Michigan.
  • Ohio State -4.5 against Michigan in the first half.

It's. Time.

 NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. A man in van guns down an AK-47 wielding robber because he "didn't want to go out like a punk"... UPS employees ran drug trafficking ring for a decade... Absinthe – mysterious and misunderstood... What happened when I used nothing but CBD products for two weeks... A male birth control injection may be ready to launch in India... Why it's time to redesign the old air conditioner.

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