You may find that work, school, or other obligations keep you from focusing on Twitter the way you should. Thankfully, I — DJ Byrnes, not Kevin Harrish — am able to tune out those distractions and provide you with a weekly rundown of the best tweets from around campus.
It's funny to me that our intern, Kevin, turned 21 and immediately found the gall to dump an assignment on my "desk" like somebody actually crowned him as King Tut.
And by "funny" I mean that Kevin is now dead. He was killed by me, the man unable to control his infantile anger outbursts. R.I.P to Kevin the Intern, who will be missed nonetheless, but you know what they say: The show must go on.
Let's review Kevin's last Twitter haul.
Gonna ask if she can make a sweater real fast— Stephen Collier (@S13Collier) July 9, 2015
Props to that girl. Openly knitting in class is way kinglier than sneaking a text message while pretending to read your textbook. I wish I would've been have as productive as her in class.
If the Cavs get J Crossover, they might as well get the dude from And 1 that be saying "Oh baby!" on the mic bc him and Kyrie gone be SAUCIN— Tyvis Powell (@1Tyvis) July 7, 2015
Sorry, Cavs fans. There won't be a saucin' Jamal Crawford, but here are Kevin Love and an extremely bad Mo Williams as consolation.
We have 3 quarterbacks in the Heisman race— Brady Taylor (@beTaylor79) July 7, 2015
Alternate headline: Brady Taylor has been asleep since December!
Me and bae jamming down 71 pic.twitter.com/1Pzg56eZPr— Tyvis Powell (@1Tyvis) July 5, 2015
The joke here is Tyvis' "bae" is actually the sport of football.
Got some good work in at the stadium today. Season can't come soon enough! pic.twitter.com/CiURqyNXmi— OSU Specialists (@BuckSpecialists) July 6, 2015
Urban Meyer must be plotting to disrupt the hell out of special teams this year.
People on the Discovery Channel really have a death wish lol.— Stephen Collier (@S13Collier) July 9, 2015
R.I.P. to the Crocodile Hunter.
3 years ago @Cam_Johnston thought the plural for football was feetball. Who wouldve guessed that now he'd be on the Ray Guy award watch list— OSU Specialists (@BuckSpecialists) July 9, 2015
Like I've been saying: Australian powers hold mystical powers.
I shouldn't have watched Freddy vs Jason yesterday cause now I can't sleep— Jamarco Jones (@jjones_74) July 6, 2015
I'm to old for these nightmares lol— Jamarco Jones (@jjones_74) July 6, 2015
Like the movie not even scary this shouldn't even be happening right now— Jamarco Jones (@jjones_74) July 6, 2015
The antithesis of Happy Jamarco: Petrified Jamarco.
I wish you could see everyone that looks at your profile... Hella stalkers— Kyle Berger (@K_Bergs) July 10, 2015
I shed no tears for this man. I went to college when people could only display one Facebook picture. THINK ABOUT THAT.
If they are putting OL in the body issue I am going to eat a salad and do an extra set of abs today just to be safe— Taylor Decker (@TDeck68) July 7, 2015
Taylor, I've seen enough of your @OSUCrush RTs to know you don't have body issues.
I don't get excited about QBs who can hit a net with a football. I get excited about QBs who can make plays with 300 lb DL running at them— Mark Pantoni (@markpantoni) July 7, 2015
Go look up the rankings for the finalists of the 2012 Elite 11. You won't find @JT_theQB4th on there.— Mark Pantoni (@markpantoni) July 7, 2015
Wise words from noted playmaker collector, Mark Pantoni.
Timehop makes me hate myself lol— Stephen Collier (@S13Collier) July 7, 2015
Like someone told me this was okay pic.twitter.com/QDE8S8CCgL— Stephen Collier (@S13Collier) July 8, 2015
Don't feel bad, Stephen. In five years, you will hate 98% of everything for which you stand right now. (I may be projecting a bit on that statistic.)
Wish I was just turning 21 already this weekend lol— Joey Bosa (@jbbigbear) July 8, 2015
20 is a pretty boring number— Joey Bosa (@jbbigbear) July 8, 2015
At least I won't be a teenager anymore ! That counts for something right ?— Joey Bosa (@jbbigbear) July 8, 2015
Yes, 20 is a decidedly lame number. But look at the bright side: 20 is not 25 or 30. (Also: A #teen destroyed college football last year.)
FOURTH OF JULY
Don't mess with these fireworks I duck every time I here a pop— Jamarco Jones (@jjones_74) July 4, 2015
They must trigger his Jason vs. Freddy PTSD.
Saturday Fourth of July festivities have made for a reeeeaaaallllly quiet Sunday morning here in Columbus. Not even the birds are chirping!— Joshua Edward Perry (@RIP_JEP) July 5, 2015
Don't get me wrong all the fireworks were nice this weekend. But still doesn't compare to the confetti from January 12th, 2015...— Mike Thomas (@Cantguardmike) July 5, 2015
Mike Thomas used our nation's birthday celebrations to humblebrag. Flawless execution, my friend.
Love that I'm on a plane missing this match— Joey Bosa (@jbbigbear) July 5, 2015
Don't expect to play Merica' the day after Independence Day and win— Brady Taylor (@beTaylor79) July 5, 2015
Every kick is free when you play for America— Brady Taylor (@beTaylor79) July 6, 2015
Now y'all know how I felt when Germany beat Brazil last World Cup— Sean Nuernberger (@Sean4Heisman1) July 5, 2015
Just found out who Alex Morgan is and I'm in love already— Jamarco Jones (@jjones_74) July 6, 2015
Lloyd has a hat trick before the 20th minute mark!?!?!?!?— Daniel Giddens (@DGOOD__) July 5, 2015
They're celebrating the USWNT's conquest in NYC today.