Punch Monday in the jaw. That poor bastard will never see it coming.
(Big Ten Media Days open on Thursday.)
TREAD LIGHTLY, BOOKIES. On one hand, I understand why Braxton's Heisman odds are getting lowered; he won't touch the ball every play. On the other hand, we're still talking about a magician.
On July 7th Bovada had B Miller listed at 10-1 odds to win Heisman, which made him the favorites among the three Ohio State QBs. Now... 20-1— Heisman Watch (@Heismanology1) July 26, 2015
Granted, Urban's an offensive socialist, but 20-1 might be worth the wager if gambling is your thing. Don't forget, Braxton said he's looking to return punts too. Could you imagine him putting the dagger in Michigan with a 65-yard, third-quarter punt return and then hitting the Heisman pose? That may rupture the few threads holding society together up there.
*65 years later*
"Oh yes, grandkids, I was alive when Braxton Miller ushered in the collapse of the Juggalo Republic. Make sure you idiots put that on my tombstone, but yeah, that's why they call it the Miller Trophy now."
KEYSHAWN JOHNSON KNOWS THE SCORE. A quirky thing about college football is players must forfeit a year of eligibility to transfer, but coaches can disappear into the wind on a whim.
That won't happen on Keshawn Johnson's watch during his son's recruitment.
"There are going to be situations for me where I'm not going to let him choose certain programs. It's just not going to happen," Johnson said. "I know too much. I know when a coach is going to get fired and when he's going to get hired and when he's looking for a new job. I know all of that. For us, that's important. That's the luxury about being in the position that I'm in.
"I know when a guy is going to get fired. So why even consider that school when they'll have a new coach or that coach isn't going to be there by the time he's a sophomore in college. All of those sorts of things have to factor into you making a decision."
"Over the course of the season, those eight schools will be watched closely," Johnson said. "By the end of the year, we'll know who is going where and what, because that's going to be big. If he picks a school and all of a sudden that coach is leaning to do something different or it doesn't look good, you're doing it for nothing. So you have to do be careful."
Keyshawn Johnson Jr. was at Friday Night Lights, so I guess this means no crackpot NFL billionaires are putting out backchannel feelers (yet).
In the end, it's going to be hard for the Johnsons to ignore the transformation of their nephew/cousin, Mike Thomas, underwent as Urban Meyer's ward. It's a long way between the Fork Union Military Academy and the NFL Draft's green room.
INSTEAD WE GOT A RUTGERS AND MARYLAND. If Jim Delany pulled a heist like this I assume he'd be perched on a throne of gold demanding to be called "Lil Zeus" right now.
Oklahoma vs. Wisconsin; Nebraska vs. Texas A&M; Iowa vs. Iowa State; Minnesota vs. Kansas.
Unfortunately, it’s not happening. But there was a time when grouping those eight schools into one division of a 16-team Big Ten was discussed at high administrative levels by members of both leagues.
Five summers ago, Texas rattled the Big 12 to its core by threatening to bolt to what then was the Pac-10, with five other league members trailing along.
Maryland is respectable, and I'm still looking forward to a trip to Piscataway, which in my mind's eye is a fantasy land akin to the historical Gomorra.
But... would I trade it all for Oklahoma, Texas A&M, Iowa S—Yes. Yes I would.
OKAY THEN, BIG UNIT. Randy Johnson was inducted into the MLB Hall of Fame (I assume for the time he exploded a bird), and he took time out of his speech to mention Zach Farmer's battle against leukemia:
GREAT NEWS: OSU STILL IN THE MIX FOR WALUIGI. There are two things strangers need to know about me. 1) I'm a devout follower of Waluigi and 2) I can scout players by name alone.
Ohio State has had a great run under Urban Meyer, but it may need the power of Waluigi to break through to the next level. Via 11W/rdubs:
Ohio State's #brand is at a point it might not need bagmen, but if any of that ancient, shadowy syndicate is reading: I have $5 on the Luiji Vilain honeypot.
WARLORD NEAR 11TH AND GRANT. The lands east of 4th St. are a wild, wild place:
It's like the "X-Files" around here sometimes: Someone dumped a bunch of hotdog buns and spools of ribbon on the NE crnr of 11th and Grant.— Univ Dist History (@UDHCMH) July 26, 2015
I'm more rattled about a guy rolling around unmolested with wholesale amounts of ribbon spools and hotdog buns than I would be by a stabbing on that same corner.
I'm glad I retired from that area and became a family man. Hotdog buns?!?!?! These kids today are sick.
THOSE WMDs. Satanic statue unveiled in Detroit (natch)... Vermont traffic stop nets 2 drunk driving arrests after passenger jumps in driver's seat... China lifts its 15-year ban on video game consoles... How Junior Galette's relationship with the Saints soured and led ultimately led to his release... NSFW: Local anchorman is here to tell you why Amazon overtook Wal-Mart.