Skull Session: A Marionaire's Watch Ends

By D.J. Byrnes on July 20, 2018 at 4:59 am
Demario McCall cranks the July 20 2018 Skull Session

This is awkward.

I planned to die from cardiac arrest while typing the Skull Session and shortly thereafter be entombed in a Waffle House dumpster.

Instead I leave for a full-time pursuit of the 80th Ohio House District seat. I am not one for purple prose and platitudes, so I'll put it like this: Helping working people across the globe escape HellWord for five minutes a day was an honor I'll cherish until the Good Lord snuffs me.

I cannot personally thank every reader, or decode where their lives went wrong. Just know your daily click meant more than I convey in words. And thank you to Eleven Warriors for taking a chance on me, twice. This site saved my life and forged me into the writer I am today.

​Word of the Day: Lacuna.

Please honor the King's Hand, Kevin Harrish, as he steps into his new role. He is my hand-picked successor, and you will come to love him as you did me. In the meanwhile, I will answer any and all questions in the comments for the rest of the day. 

 TCU IN TROUBLE. The only thing worse for an offense than facing Ohio State's defensive line would be doing so without an experienced line. But such is what will happen to Texas Christian in September when it faces the Buckeyes.


The only reason to bet against TCU in ‘18 isn’t the new quarterback or it’s back-to-back games against Ohio State or Texas.

Nope, it’s an an offensive line that justifiably scares the heck out of most of the coaching staff.

Last season was the first year since TCU joined the Big 12 in 2012 that it had a Big 12-caliber offensive line. They were a huge reason why the Horned Frogs got to the conference title game.

The line allowed quarterback Kenny Hill to manage the offense rather than try to be a version of Trevone Boykin, which he was not; the line allowed for TCU to return to playing the type of game Gary Patterson prefers, which is to own the clock rather than some Air Frog stuff that only flies when Boykin can fling it to Josh Doctson.

As someone who watched Virginia Tech vs. Ohio State in 2014, I'm never going to write off the potential for an early season upset. The chances of that happening are more than 0%.

However, I don't see that happening unless Dwaye Haskins plays terrible, which won't happen.

 A 300-POUND BUCKEYE YOU CAN EAT. When we hear the phrase "300-pound Buckeye" we think of quarterback destroyers or protectors. But a different kind is coming to the State Fair.


Marsha’s Homemade Buckeyes of Perrysburg is making a 300-pound buckeye candy for the Ohio State Fair.

It will be there for the duration of the fair, which opens at 9 a.m. Wednesday, July 25. Fair officials will do a ceremonial weighing so patrons can enjoy the spectacle.

“Why didn’t we already do this?” said Matt Smith, who owns the business with his brother, Brad.

Matt Smith estimates they would use 75 pounds of peanut butter, 75 pounds of margarine, 10 pounds of chocolate and 150 pounds of powdered sugar.

The piece of candy will be about 4 feet wide and 4 feet tall.

The sad thing is, if left unsupervised, I could devour that thing in 45 minutes. In my mind, there are few unions more holy than that of peanut butter and chocolate.

This can only be a favorable omen for Buckeye football fortunes. Our state's latest innovation has to be good for at least 11 wins this season, at minimum.

 LANE KIFFIN CONTINUES INEXPLICABLE FACE TURN. The Oakland Athletics and Oklahoma quarterback Kyler Murray agreed last month to a $5 million-guaranteed deal that allowed him to play football for another year.

Lane Kiffin thinks he should quit football right now.

He's right, you know. 

 FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS. I know, I know — everyone expected a bigger blaze of glory in my last column. Unfortunately B1G media days aren't for another week, and I am a tired man accruing powerful enemies by the minute.

I instead offer five bold predictions that are guaranteed to come true. When the 11W bards remember me, this will be their final song:

  1. Dwayne Haskins will throw five touchdowns against Texas Christian.
  2. Demario McCall will score more touchdowns than Parris Campbell.
  3. Chase Young will have more sacks than Nick Bosa.
  4. Haskins will win the 2018 Heisman.
  5. Ohio State will win the national championship.

Perhaps most importantly, however, they will remember me for being more right about Jim Harbaugh in April 2015 than Michigan's least self-aware fan:

People doubt you until reality disproves them. Don't ever forget that.

 THOSE WMDs. The inside story of Papa John's toxic culture... We tried to uncover the long-lost American Sailor Moon and found something incredible... I'm a financial planner — here's why I won't buy a home...  What happened to the Solamons?

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