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//Time Traveler here, my planetary humanoid friends. I greet you, Warriors of the Eleven! I want to (temporarily) re-phase you into my slipstream outside of your timeline. That’s it…steady breathing, calmly now, slight tingling, and feel the stream’s flow…
Welcome!
Several of your years ago, I shared that the “Golden Era of the Buckeye” was nearly upon you.
It is here.
The historical records show a marvelous future for the football Bucks. True, the century old rivalry with that team you’ve called “up north”…is dead. Dead in the fact that all real respect for that team (and institution) was lost.
According to the ledgers, they wallowed in self pity and loathing for many years after the hammer came down on their program in your 2025. If you were to see the chronicles of their misery and suffering, the shame of being caught, the humiliation of vacated wins and titles…and the salty tears that poured forth as a river…perhaps a moment of empathy would pulse through your compassionate Buckeye heart?
But then…you might remind yourself of the coldly calculated scheme, born of one man void of scruples…and his son, who had a good buddy named Conner. Not yet on staff in 2020, but a volunteer who had a really cool manifesto of Michigan glory. Young Harbaugh knew daddy was winless against OSU. And in 2020, he knew daddy used the Covid scare to avoid getting de-pantsed by the Buckeyes and subsequently fired. It was a bold move, one of desperation. But it didn’t solve his Buckeye problem. Young Harb’s buddy, a hopeful one day Michigan head coach…had a great idea that would turn it all around. And after explaining the scheme to daddy, they launched a Three Stooges Production of the Greatest Show on Earth (the Buckeyen archives are hilarious and can be rented out at the Subclavian Chronicle Time Library for a few zanders).
In the historical records known as the Golden Age Ledgers, it is shown that on your timeline, there was no precedent for this type of behavior. These crimes rose above the worst of your past. The very name “Michigan” will be linked with “Cheater” for hundreds of years to come. Bar fights of the far flung future will start with, “Hey, you’ve been Harbaughing me!” And they won’t even know where the phrase came from. Blasters will be raised and blood will be spilled, all because one institution lectured others on “integrity”, and employed a man who claimed righteous stupidity but thought he could pull off the perfect sports crime.
History shows he did not.
In the vernacular of your culture…”the hammer doth come.” Most people (except for certain people north of you) believe a hammer is imminent (it is). The only question at this point that could be debated…is it a Ball Peen or a Sledge?
//Time Traveler returning you to your current timeline, disengaging your slipstream experience…relax, the tingling will dissipate shortly.
Oh…Would it shock you to know that there are more national titles in your immediate future? Ok, disregard that irresponsible statement. Apologies.
Time Traveler out.
zzzzzzzzzt
