The Situational: Bread and Circuses

It's not so much a question of if you're prepared for next Sunday as it is a measure of your tolerance for hearing those three ambiguous words in succession, since only the NFL and its proud sponsors are legally allowed to say Super Bowl. Everyone else gets sued.

This ad debuted 16 NFL seasons ago. You're old.

As a result, these days leading up to the only other thing besides Star Wars movies that we still use Roman numerals to count (except for this year!) are all about The Big Game. That descriptor is the path of least resistance for brands that aren't paying $150,000 per second to advertise - that's $4.5MM for a half-minute - to a giant, captive and judgmental audience.

They could try to get clever and refer to the Superbowl, Super Sunday or Super [Literally Any Other Noun Goes Here] except that the NFL trademarked nearly all of those too. It even tried to trademark The Big Game but they were beaten to that one by the one-season XFL, which named its championship The Big Game at the End of the Season. That was Super Creative <-- the NFL probably owns this too. However, The Big Game belongs to the XFL, who isn't suing anyone.

That league last played in 2001 and NBC - which jumped on the chance to broadcast those football games after losing its NFL broadcasting rights in 1998 still owns it. NBC bid its way back into the NFL business in 2006 and then in 2009 won the rights to Super Bowl XLIII as well, which was won by the Pittsburgh Steelers and its game MVP, Santonio Holmes. You remember him.

As a college football homer The Big Game immediately makes me think of Cal-Stanford, rather than our beloved planet's annual celebration of controlled violence, commerce, gambling, gluttony and America. Carolina-Denver is the last meaningful football contest until the spring game September.

So are you ready for The Big Game? Let's get Situational.

The PINNACLE

Super Bowl 50 Buckeye starters

Perhaps you've heard about the abundance of Ohio State Buckeyes starting in The Big Game. Every single play - with the exception of Denver kicking PATs or FGs - should include at least one of the guys you used to cheer for on Saturdays performing on football's brightest stage.

Carolina averaged 66 plays per game this season, so plan on about that many opportunities to see five former Buckeyes on the field at the same time. Ted Ginn will also appear whenever the Broncos are kicking off or punting. Andrew Norwell will make himself quite visible as he is Carolina's pulling guard in charge of blowing up holes for ball carriers.

And perhaps the most adorable Ohio State storyline of all:

Can't wait to match up against my college roommate/best friend in the bowl @BradRoby_1

— corey brown (@phillybrown10) January 25, 2016

College roommates guarding each other in the biggest game of their lives! Squeeeeeeee

Roby and Philly were two of those guys Urban Meyer credited with keeping the program from fracturing during the delicate transition from 2011 to 2012. One of them will be getting fitted for a Super Bowl ring in short order.

Coleman had two endzone INTs in the NFC title game.

Kurt Coleman - who was robbed of a Pro Bowl appearance that he now couldn't play in anyway because he has bigger plans - will anchor Carolina's defense. Yes, the Panthers' offense, defense and special teams are very well-represented by your favorite college team.

But it's not like Denver doesn't also see the value in Ohio State as an NFL talent feeder: 3rd round pick Jeff Heuerman would be a significant contributor to the AFC champions had he not torn his ACL in the preseason. The Broncos have struggled to fill what would have been his role, signing the incredibly washed-up Vernon Davis who received some empty praise this past weekend after catching no passes. They also signed DeVier Posey to a futures contract earlier this month.

That was orchestrated by the man who originally drafted him in Houston, current head coach Gary Kubiak. He knows what he's getting in Posey and he would like him back, thanks.

Denver also employs former Buckeye tight end, defensive coordinator and one-time OSU head coaching candidate Fred Pagac as its outside linebackers coach. While it's not in his job description, he also performs this important task for his unit:

So while Norwell anchors the line, you'll see Roby battling Philly. You'll see Kurt trying to ruin another title shot for Peyton Manning in the secondary. And you'll see Denver trying to contain Ginn, which can be enormously difficult. To date the only person that has successfully been able to do so is Jim Tressel [2004 OSU offensive futility joke rimshot.mp3]

The recipe for greatness seems quite simple: 1) Draft or sign former Buckeyes 2) Keep the weekend of the Super Bowl free on your calendar 3) Plan a ticker tape parade. That doesn't seem terribly complicated, billionaires. More teams should try that.

So as the actress once said to the bishop: Your move, Cleveland.

The Bourbon

There is a bourbon for every situation. Sometimes the spirits and the events overlap, which means that where bourbon is concerned there can be more than one worthy choice.

The Country Preacher: Can I get an amen. via

Budweiser and Bud Light are among the commercials that will cost $150,000 per second during Super Bowl 50. Those two #brands have seven spots queued up for you, which means Anheuser-Busch InBev is spending $31.5MM during a single football game to keep you happily chugging high-calorie diluted urine in a can. And even light beer makes you fat as hell - but hey, at least it forces you to pee every 15 minutes.

If you're going to consume all those calories during the game anyway - and it would be unpatriotic not to, commie - then why not drink something that is genuinely delicious, refreshing and doesn't require a $6B annual marketing budget to convince your mouth to accept it?

So let's talk about the Country Preacher, which I was introduced to last year by a clever bartender at Big Star in Chicago. It came to mind once the Super Bowl pairings were set and a situational bourbon was required; Carolina is teal - and no good food or drink comes in that color. In fact the only known acceptable use for teal is as a bridesmaid's dress from the summer of 1996. Denver, fortunately, is orange. Orange has great range where bourbon is concerned.

The Country Preacher begins with Wild Turkey, which we've discussed here before - it's the mildest high-proof bourbon you can find in every liquor store in America. Dump a generous shot into a shaker with ice. Squeeze an entire blood orange in with it (if you're lazy or hipster you can use this instead).

Now you'll need a dash of egg white for texture, so you can either use a real egg to get that or buy it in a little pre-separated carton. Add dashes of vanilla and allspice and then shake aggressively; if you're making a round for friends, simply multiply the ingredients here by the number of friends. You should be able to get three Country Preachers out of a single shaker, which sounds scandalous because it is. This drink is marvelous and I've only seen it at one bar, ever.

Pour your shaken Country Preacher over quality ice cubes or cube - invest in something like one of these if you have any pride at all in your cocktail presentation at parties - and serve, while you chuckle away at the wacky antics of Budweiser's expensive advertising flex.

The Country Preacher is sweet but not sweetened, and it's strong but not overpowering. Another added bonus: You'll have a zero percent chance of ever getting scurvy.

The Playoff

National Signing Day is approaching and a few thousand gifted high school football players will be making their college choices official. That's a fun day at 11W and an even funner day for those college men.

The reasons behind their choices will vary; playing time, comfort level, relationships with coaches, distance from home, fistfuls of cash, compatibility with scheme and friendships with players on the roster will all be cited. They're all fair reasons.

And then there's program culture. Ohio State's is in a pretty good place these days, and if you need to do a sales job for the unconvinced or skeptical you could queue up the story of Heuerman and Jacob Jarvis, or talk about the impact guys like Joshua Perry have on their families as well as everyone who meets them. You could talk about Tyquan Lewis, legitimate hero.

There are some genuinely good humans walking into and emerging out from the WHAC. But if there's one clip - one single story - that does it for me vis a vis Ohio State football program culture, it's the clip below from 2013:

Maria Tiberi died in a car accident Sept. 17. Her father, 10TV's Dom Tiberi (whose brother Lou was my high school art teacher - just a great family) returned to Ohio State's sideline 11 nights later for the Buckeyes' game against Wisconsin.

That clip above captures spontaneous and unchoreographed empathy that is emblematic of what I choose to believe the culture of this team is about. When I need inspiration or an infusion of frisson I pull this up and rewatch it. It reinforces why I feel pretty good about where I'm from - and the football team I care about way too much. How firm thy friendship.

Go Bucks. Have a fun and safe Super Bowl 50! (come at me, NFL lawyers)