11W Eats: Homemade Buckeyes

By Ramzy Nasrallah on January 31, 2015 at 12:51 pm
go buckeyes

Don't be the guy who brings chips to the Super Bowl party.

That barely makes you more ambitious than the guy who shows up empty-handed. Be better than that: Be the guy who makes sure Nate Ebner isn't the only Buckeye in this year's game. 

these are total bullshit
Waaait why are they different colors? Whyyyyy

Making buckeyes is almost as easy as eating them - and is just as rewarding. These treats made by your own hand are also overwhelmingly better than the #FakeBuckeyes made by Anthony Thomas, which steals over $2MM annually from people who are apparently both blind and lacking any semblance of taste.

Buckeyes get their name from their resemblance to the buckeye nut. The store-bought variety - namely, the Anthony Thomas "buckeyes" look like they come out of some sterile factory where a low wage worker probably slipped and fell into the vat containing the chemical mixture designed to look similar to peanut butter and chocolate.

When you eat these "buckeyes" you're cannibalizing something great. Don't do that.

So whip up a batch of your own - it's easy, fun and won't take more than an hour of your time. You can do it while watching a half of basketball or the Kitten Bowl.

Homemade Buckeyes
Wax Paper Roll
Toothpicks Box
Peanut Butter 3 cups
Butter 2 cups
Confectioners' sugar 10 cups
Vanilla extract teaspoon
Semi-sweet chocolate chips 8 cups

You'll need wax paper, toothpicks, 3 cups of peanut butter, two cups of butter, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, 8 cups of semi-sweet chocolate chips and 10 cups of confectioners' sugar (for the uninformed this is super-fine sugar, and using this instead of regular sugar is vitally important).

Microwave the peanut butter and butter in a bowl until it starts to look melty. Then take it out and mix it thoroughly with the vanilla and sugar. Take little balls out of the blob you've just produced and put them on wax paper-lined trays.

Put a toothpick in each ball and then put the trays outside (who needs a freezer this time of year) for a half hour. You need those balls to be firmer than the ones Tom Brady uses.

real buckeyes. real as hell.
What properly-made, non-factory buckeyes look like.

In the meantime, melt the chocolate chips in a double boiler or in a bowl set over a pan of simmering water. Stir it until it's smooth. If you want to dip your finger in and taste it, that's totally natural. Chocolate is awesome.

Go get the frozen peanut butter balls and dip them in the chocolate, leaving an unchocolated space for them to look like buckeyes. Put your completed buckeyes back on the wax paper and take them back outside to harden. 

You've now made delicious, wonderful buckeyes that don't look like they came from an Upton Sinclair novel. If you want more time to burn and want to get ambitious, you can make Buckeye Pretzel Bites, Buckeye Brownies, Buckeye Bars or Buckeye Bark.

Enjoy. Leave bringing the chips to someone else.

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