PHONE'S RINGING -- IT'S URBAN ON THE LINE
I'll start it off with a few...
What's the difference between a cactus and Michigan Stadium?
A cactus has its pricks on the outside.
"You win with people." - Woody Hayes
BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA Artie does = Brady !
Q- what happens when a Michig@n fan takes viagra?
A- he gets taller.
Q- What do Michig@n fans use as birth control?
A- Their personalities.
Q- How do you keep the Michig@n football team off your lawn?
A- Put a goalpost in your front yard.
Did you hear about the Michig@n fan that lost $50 on the football game?
He lost $25 on the game and another $25 on the replay.
HAHAAAA good ones, Johnny
A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt?"
Q: How do you get a m*ch*g*n grad off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza
Q: How many m*ch*g*n freshman does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
A: I dunno, its a sophomore course
Q- How do you get a Michig@n cheerleader in your dorm room?
A- Grease her hips and push.
Q- Why won't Michig@n be playing Ohio State in Columbus this weekend?
A- They can't get past Toledo.
This saturday SCUM won't be able to find the endzone with an Onstar System
"I'm One Bad Buckeye, and I approve this message."
Q: How many m*ch*g*n freshman does it take to unscrew a lightbulb?
A: I dunno, its a sophomore course
A: I dunno, its a sophomore course
Or 2. One to screw the lightbulb in, and another to stand there and arrogantly tell you how much it looked like an Ivy Leaguer doing the job.
What does pot and tsun have in common?
both get smoked in bowls
Did you hear about the tsun fan that locked his keys in his car? He couldn't get his family out
O H I O is the Buckeye State
Why hasn't ohio fallen into the ohio river???
because m&ch$*n sucks
why isnt the big house field real grass?
the homecoming queen and cheerleaders wouldn't stop grazing on it
How many batteries does it take to beat michigan
why cant michigan play in columbus?
you have to go through toledo
Whats the difference between a dead dog and a michigan fan in the road?
the dog has skid marks before it
Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games? The senior who knew the recipe graduated
Directions to Michigan........ North till you smell crap, then West till
you step in it.
If a couple from Ann Arbor get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?
What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
An Ohio recruit
Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
brady hoke said hes only going to dress 10 players for the game this year... the rest have to dress themselves
Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
^^ forever hilarious
@dbit Thats funny but its not a joke
The "Who's gonna touch these kids" line was a pretty good joke.
Brady Hoke lies when he says his dream job is to be the head coach of M*ch*g*n... It really is to be the King at Burger King.
@J.MO I guess he really wants to see David Beckham take his shirt off in front of him.
One of my favorite memes
The Most Interesting Man In The World - I don't always talk to *ichigan grads but when I do I ask for fries.
any joke involving appalachian state
Jabba the Hoke
It's 5 o'clock somewhere, & Michigan still sucks
Why do TSUN alums keep their diplomas on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
What do you call a good looking girl on the campus of TSUN? A visitor.
Did you hear about the power outage at the TSUN library? Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Class of 2010.
Why do all of the trees in Ohio lean to the north? Because michigan sucks.
Dustin Fox was our leading tackler as a corner.... because his guy always caught the ball.
I have a really good joke but I fear it borders on violating the commenting policy due to its profane nature.
Our honor defend we will fight to the end for Ohio..
What's the difference between a toilet & a M*chigan cheerleader & a toilet? The toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx
Thanks John. I didn't know how to insert the jpeg.
One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Ohio State Buckeyes."
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan."
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
– It’s 4th and goal, with Michigan having the ball at the Ohio State 3. OSU leads 17-13 with 2 seconds to play. Brady Hoke calls his last time out.
Hoke looks towards the heavens and says, “God, I know I’ve used your name in vain too often this season, but I really need this win. What play should I call?”
And all of a sudden, Hoke – and only Hoke – hears a bellowing voice, “Pro, king, 48 toss.”
Hoke’s eyes light up. He looks up, sees the face of God. “Yes, that’s it,” he exclaims, “Thanks God.”
So he sends in the play. Denard Robinson tosses the ball to Fitzgerald Toussiant around the right end. Toussiant sees a hole, cuts inside, and looks like he will score. Hoke throws his arms up in the air in triumph.
Then, all of a sudden, Andrew Sweat comes out of nowhere, and tackles Toussiant just short of the goal line. The Big House gasps in horror as Hoke falls to his knees, stunned.
He looks up, and sees God’s face again. Sorrowfully, he asks, “God, why did you tell me to call that play?”
God hesitates, looks to his left, and says, “Hey Woody, tell me again. Why DID we call that play?”
Wanna know why Hoke doesn't wear a headset, true story BTW. They kept getting mad at him for getting stadium mustard on the mouthpiece during games and Brandon to him to stop doing it.
How many tsun jokes are true? all of them
Q: What do you have if you have 32 Michigan Fans?
A: A full set of teeth!
What's the difference between a Michigan fan and a steaming pile of crap?
The Hell if I know, but their preferred team sucks.
What's the difference between a Michigan fan and a steaming pile of crap?
Three Michigan grads are huddled around a table. All of a sudden they all jump up and start yelling " 45 45 yeah 45!"
A concerned bystander walks over and asks what all the fuss was about?
One of the Michigan grads turns around and replys, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle that says 2-3 years and we finished it in 45 days!"
A Michigan fan, Buckeye fan, nun, and a beautiful blonde are riding in a train together. The train goes through a tunnel and a loud smack echoes through the car. As they emerge from the tunnel the Michigan fan is holding his reddened face.
The nun thinks to herself: Serves him right for trying to grab that beautiful young lady.
The blonde thinks to herself: Serves him right for trying to grab that nun.
The scUm fan thinks: That Buckeye fan must of tried to grab one of those girls and they hit me by mistake.
The Buckeye fan thinks: I can't wait for the next tunnel...I'm going to smack that dumbass wolverine again!
I think that's my favorite one yet ^^
Because I couldn't go for three. -Woody-
Its not scUM related, but i just saw this & it made me laugh.... so, here ya go!
BUT, it HAS occurred to me, that my Spam avatar is wearing a scUM uni... coincidence?
Little Johnny's family was driving to an Outlet Mall near the Ohio-Michigan border to buy him school clothes. The parents planned to buy him a Michigan jersey to go with the school clothes.
But, when they took Little Johnny into the store, he noticed an Ohio State jersey on display and decided he liked it better. Both parents scolded him harshly for wanting an Ohio State jersey instead of their beloved maize and blue model.
On the way back home, somewhere near Ann Arbor, Little Johnny's dad turned and asked him if he'd learned an important lesson that day. "I sure have," said Little Johnny. "I've only been a Buckeye fan for about 30 minutes, and I already hate you Michigan bastards..."
Q: Did you hear about the Michigan grad who locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.
A Michigan coed went to see a doctor. "Doctor, I'm in terrible pain."
"Show me where," the doctor said.
The Michigan coed put her fingers on her arm, "ohhh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her chest, "Argggh, right there."
Then she put her finger on her stomach, "Owww, right there."
The doctor looked at her, "You're not by any chance a student at the University of Michigan, are you?"
"Why, yes," she replied. "Why?"
"You've got a broken finger."
Q: What does a M!ch!gan fan do after winning a BCS National Championship?
A: Turns off the Xbox 360
tsun had a beauty pageant and nobody won......
Why does the Maumee River flow North? Cause Michigan Sucks!
What's the difference between a dead deer on the side of the road, and a dead Wolverine fan on the side of the road? The deer has skid marks before it.
Ok, I'm back. We had White Castle for dinner last night and I had to go take a *ichigan. Did I miss anything?
The day Bo Schembechler died, St Peter met him at the pearly gates.
"Welcome Bo, let me show you around" he proclaimed.
He led Bo throughout the kingdom showing him all the glorious things heaven has to offer. Then they stopped in front of a quiant house at the bottom of a hill.
"Here is your new home Bo, enjoy" St Peter said.
Bo looked around, and at the top of the hill he spots a luxurious mansion decked out in Scarlet & Grey. Bo gets furious.
"This is BS!" he proclaims "Why do I live in this shack while Woody Hayes gets a giant mansion at the top of the hill!"
St Peter responds "Bo you're mistaken, thats not Woody's home, its God's"
Ohio State does hang on sloopy, Wisconsin does jump around
Does Michigan do the Hoke Pokey?
Ohio State's band SLAUGHTERED Michigan's band. If this were a football game, it would have been Florida State vs. Savannah State. - SB Nation following OSU vs. UM 2012
There was a disaster at the University of Michigan recently, the library burned down. Sadly they lost BOTH books. Even sadder, one hadn’t even been colored in.
I tried to think of a M*ch*gan joke, but then it occurred to me that M*ch*gan IS the joke...
Did you hear the Ann Arbor high schools had to cancel sex education classes for the week? Drivers' ed' needed the car.
This weekend the only pass attemps by Denard will be in the bar
Haha ive heard ALOT of new jokes! I'm definatley gonna use some of these.
An Ohio State fan would amuse himself by scaring every Michigan fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their maize and blue colors. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and then he would swerve back on the road just missing them.
One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. Being a good person, he pulled the van over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Joseph's Church, about five miles down the road," he replied.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The priest got in and the van continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Wolverine fan strutting down the road, and he instinctively swerved the van. As usual, just in time he swerved back narrowly missing the guy.
Even though he was certain he missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but he didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to him and said: "I'm sorry, Father. I almost hit that Michigan fan."
"That's OK" replied the priest. "I got him with the door."
If it's too loud, then you're too old!!
You're trapped in a room with a starving lion, a man-eating grizzly bear and a scUM fan. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do? The only correct answer is to shoot the scUM fan....twice.
All seven dwarfs, Sleepy, Grumpy, and Sneezy, to name just a few, were working in a mineshaft nearby. Snow White went to where they were working to bring their lunch when she realized the mineshaft had collapsed. She franticly called out their names hoping for a sign of life. When all hope had seemingly vanished a voice said "Brady Hoke is just as good a coach as Urban Meyer and will win most of the games played between the two." Snow White proceeded to let out a huge sigh of relief after thinking every last dwarf had perished and proclaimed, "Whewww, at least Dopey survived!!"
I heard Hoke Just bought all the Twinkies off Ebay... Nom Nom Nom, eat em up!
So far this season tsun is 8 & 3, thats 8 arrests & 3 convictions
I set my DVR to record "The Biggest Loser" and it keeps taping Michigan football games!
Tough times never last, tough people do
I heard Michigan was trying to get down to Columbus on a bus but they can't get pass Toledo...
What do Hoke's penis and his molars have in common? If Brady wants to see either it would require a series of mirrors.
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men
^ Please never include Hoke's penis in a joke again.
Two football players from scUM were out hunting. As they walked up a small hill, the downhill hunter tripped on his untied shoelace and his gun went off. The bullet struck his hunting companion in the head, and he fell to the ground. The shooter was beside himself, but remembered he had his cell phone, and called 911. The following was his conversation with the dispatcher:
Dispatcher: 911, what is you emergency?
Wolverine: (sobbing uncontrollably) I.... I think i just killed my friend!
Dispatcher: Just stay calm and don't jump to any conclusions. First, you need to make sure that your friend really is dead.
Wolverine: OK, wait a minute.
Shortly thereafter, the dispatcher hears a gunshot over the phone and then the hunter is back on the line.
Wolverine: OK, now what?
How about some Jeff Foxworthy
YOU MIGHT BE A WOLVERINE FAN IF
-Your house moves but your twelve cars don't.
-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
-You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
-You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
-You have a rag for a gas cap.
-You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
-You can spit without opening your mouth.
-You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
-The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
-Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
-You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
-A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
-You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
-You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
-You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.
-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-Your junior prom had a daycare.
-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
-One of your kids was born on a pool table.
-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
-You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.
-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
Whats the difference between a Coconut and a michigan fan? One is a tropical fruit and the other is round and hairy.
_ichigan's #1 Fan. LOL
The Michigan football team visited an orphanage in Ann Arbor today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jacob, age 6.
Class of 2008
Why are there no nativity scenes in the state of Michigan?... because no one can find 3 wise men and a virgin.
"You win with people "
This news headline just came in, fresh off of the press... Denard Robinson's favorite receiving target is the ground.
Tom Crean listens to Nickelback...
Great ones, guys! I just posted a bunch of these to my Facebook page. Thanks for the laughs!
Real fans stay for Carmen.
To quote "The Rivalry" Have you ever been to Michigan? It smells like hot dog water."
~Because we couldn't go for three~
+1000 for the Brady Hoke video
Well done sir
How many wolverines does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
If you have a car containing a TSUN wide receiver, a TSUN linebacker, and a TSUN defensive back, who is driving the car?
On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Michigan jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Ohio State jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Wolverine fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in OSU Red beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Buckeye and Michigan fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom." "Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing.... how's the bait holding up?
A man goes to the AACC ticket office and inquires about purchasing AACC B1G championship tickets.
The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the wolverines did not make it to the B1G champioship.The following day the same man goes to the AACC ticket office and inquires about purchasing AACC B1G championship tickets. The ticket teller politely replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the wolverines did not make it to the B1G championship. This goes on for an entire week.
Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice says, I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST WEEK THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE WOLVERINES DID NOT MAKE THE B1G CHAMPIONSHIP.The man replied, "I know. I drove all the way from Columbus, Ohio just to hear you say that!
Not sure if anyone is reading these anymore but just to keep the thread alive for today im going to post a couple more and be done.
What is the difference between a TSUN fan and a baby?
The baby will stop whining after awhile.
What's the difference between the TSUN football team and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF TSUN
How do you get a Detard Robinson to kill himself? Stick a knife in his hand! He already has the motion down!
I HATE that stupid cereal motion he does!
LOL....Carlos Hyde was doing Detard's cereal bowl feeding motion at the Michigan bench!!!....LOL
I LOVE IT!!!!!!
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Scarlet and Gray, Every Day.
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