Skull Session: Ohio Franchises Draft Buckeyes, Stars Still Matter, and Shea Patterson's Imminent Eligibility

By D.J. Byrnes on April 27, 2018 at 4:59 am
Denzel Ward drafted for the April 27 2018 Skull Session
Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

I would like to thank Browns and Bengals executives for reading the Skull Session. My missionary work is almost complete.

Let's see how our well-adjusted Cincy friends handled the local team drafting a blue collar lineman capable of playing three positions at an elite level:

Those sex-havers are almost as embarrassing as the NFL needing three hours to broadcast 32 picks.


Word of the Day: Cynosure.

 BROWNIES ON THE MARCH. I warned the haters. Get your jokes in, because the Browns are on the ascension. Last night, they made their move.

I worry about Baker Mayfield surviving 16 NFL games as a Browns quarterback. But I'm not going to trash the pick before seeing him play a single game.

He won't be "Johnny Manziel 2.0" unless he has multiple substance abuse issues that the Browns aren't aware about. To be fair, that's a scenario that can't be ruled out.

More importantly, the Browns drafted a Buckeye for the first time in damn near a decade. Welcome to the war machine, Denzel Ward!

I didn't like the attempted flag plant, either. Yet there are only two possible outcomes:

  • Mayfield leads the Browns to the Super Bowl, in which case I expunge the flag plant from his record.
  • Mayfield washes out and the state of Ohio wins the rubber match against a Texan with a bad attitude.

Either way, Denzel Ward will be better than Joe Haden.

 RECRUITING STARS MATTER. Baker Mayfield was once resigned to playing at Washington State or pre-Lane Kiffin FAU. His dad put a boot up Baker's ass, and now he's the No. 1 overall pick.

That is the exception to the rule. Recruiting rankings still matter:

 MICHIGAN GETS ITS MAN. Entering Year 4, it's clear Jim Harbaugh can't recruit and develop a quarterback. So it only makes sense Wolverine fans shifted their eggs into the basket of Mississippi transfer Shea Patterson.

Patterson could gain his eligibility as soon as today.

From Kyle Rowland of The Toledo Blade:

PARIS — Shea Patterson, the dynamic, acclaimed former Ole Miss quarterback, is expected to be granted a waiver by the NCAA and be eligible for the 2018 season.

Sources told The Blade it’s “a formality,” which would end an angst-filled, months-long waiting game for Patterson and Michigan. A final decision could be announced by the NCAA as soon as Friday.

The appeals process has featured Patterson’s former school attempting to deny his request and his attorney, Tom Mars, lobbing verbal haymakers at the University of Mississippi.

Let's see how they're handling the news north of the border:

Michigan media loves gassing fans this time of year. And Michigan fans slurp it up like the desperate chumps they are. I'd feel a lot more superior about it if I hadn't spent the last decade as a Browns fan.

 WELCOME TO PICKTOWN. I don't go to Pickerington because suburbs make me sick. Seems like they've figured out high school athletics, though.

From Bill Bender of Sporting News:

That begins to explain how this NFL wave started. Audrey Hasson, a sports reporter and anchor for the NBC affiliate in Columbus, grew up in Pickerington. She remembers a time when Ohio State Route 256 wasn't crammed with restaurants, businesses and stop-and-start traffic. She played basketball and softball at the original Pickerington High School.

"It was a farm town with a high school in the middle of a cornfield," she said. "We knew we were athletic kids. But to me, I would never have imagined this type of talent coming out of here year after year. It's about great teachers, great coaches and a great school system with a lot of great families. It starts there."

Picktown also produced Brooklyn Nets shooting guard Chris Lavert. It's a shame my son has cankles and a lumpy melon head. He might have been the next in line otherwise.

 GEESE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS. I lived across the street from Africentric for two years and can attest those east side geese love to manslaughter people stupid enough to invade their personal space.


COLUMBUS (WCMH) - A middle school track meet that was supposed to take place at Columbus Africentric Early College has been cancelled due to geese nesting near the track.

According to Columbus City Schools, the Middle School Track North Prelims were set to take place at the school this afternoon.

The geese nesting near the track are acting aggressively toward anyone who happens to run by.

If you disagree with the decision you have to fight a goose in a steel cage. I promise your organs would reside on the international black market by sunset.

 THOSE WMDs. New Yorkers flocking to Columbus... Photos: Columbus in the past... Ancestors stalked 8-foot-tall sloths... Nukes in the age of AI... Why judges cite Jane Austen.

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