Another sunrise, another day of producing *switches to Heisenberg voice* mildly humorous garbage.
*zips up HAZMAT suit*
Sorry, haters. This train of semi-coherent ramblings and searing #takes has been rolling for too long to pull up short of the goal line now.
Blame it all on this Les Miles clip, which I've had on repeat for the last six hours:
ME. MYSELF. I.... WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE #TAKES. THIS. IS. OUR. TIME!!!!!!1111111
URBAN MEYER SPENT TIME IN CHIP KELLY'S DOJO. I love Chip Kelly because he sauntered into the NFL and raised hell in a league filled with monotonous people who hate fun and don't have souls.
I couldn't be happier to learn Urban Meyer (and Tom Herman) spent two days this summer studying Chip's brass-balls swagger. From Chris Vannini of CoachingSearch.com:
“For many years, I’d go up to see the Patriots every year,” Meyer told reporters at Big Ten Media Days. “I usually go to an NFL camp every year. I went this year (to Philadelphia), and this was a little bit of a game-changer for me, as far as sports performance. It was very valuable time. … Chip and I go way back.
“He was at New Hampshire the first time I met him. He came out to Utah. The relationship started then, (continued) at Florida when he was the OC at Oregon. We just stayed in touch. I’ve been out to see him a couple times in Oregon.”
“It’s even grown (from Oregon),” Meyer said. “That’s what I admire about him. He keeps pushing that envelope. He’s off the chart with some of the things he’s doing. Starting Sunday, we’re going to be doing some of the same things.”
It's even a scarier proposition for opposition defenses when Urban Meyer is out here claiming he has seven offensive players who can run 4.4 40s and below.
HERMAN TAPPED AS TOP OFFENSIVE COACH-IN-WAITING. While the offensive fireworks will continue as long as Urban Meyer is calling the shots in Columbus, Tom Herman will likely follow his star pupil out the door after this year.
He's been tapped by Bruce Feldman as the top offensive coordinator/head-coach-in-waiting in the country. (Texas Tom beat out the likes of Clemson's Chad Morris and Michigan's Doug Nussmeier.)
No. 1: Tom Herman, Ohio State Buckeyes
Anyone who has spent five minutes with the California native has no trouble seeing Herman running a big-time program. Herman is brilliant (he actually is a MENSA member) but also a terrific communicator and well-respected by his peers. Last season his offense ranked third in the nation in scoring (45.5 points per game) and should have another big season with his continued development of QB Braxton Miller, although it does have to replace most of the O-line. Better still, Herman, a guy who has worked under Mack Brown and Paul Rhoads, has learned a lot about how to run a program from his time around Urban Meyer in Columbus.
(It's not commonly known, but there is a federal statute requiring Tom Herman's MENSA membership to be mentioned in any piece about him.)
If the Big Ten is ever going to be good again at football, then somebody outside of Wisconsin, Penn State, Michigan State or Ohio State should injure themselves trying to hire Tom Herman.
DEFENSIVE LINE COULD BE HISTORICALLY GOOD. Here's a tidbit from industry insiders: Ohio State's 2014 defensive line is going to be good.
But just how good? Well, historically good, according to Urban Meyer.
From Doug Lesmerises of Cleveland.com:
Asked about the best defensive line from his coaching career, Urban Meyer on Tuesday picked his 2006 Florida defensive line led by Derrick Harvey and Jarvis Moss that attacked Ohio State during the 41-14 Florida win over Ohio State in the 2007 national title game.
"This one, if they all perform and stay healthy, this could be at that level," Meyer said of an OSU line that features three awards candidates in senior tackle Michael Bennett, junior end Noah Spence and sophomore end Joey Bosa and some untapped potential in junior tackle Adolphus Washington, a former five-star recruit.
"It's game-changers up front," Meyer said. "You don't have to do a lot of blitzing, you don't have to do a lot of twisting and movement, because those guys are one-on-one beaters. So if you can get a great D line like that, that frees you up with the back seven to do a lot of other stuff."
When I think about dominant college lines... Florida's 2006 defensive line is what comes to mind. (I believe the medical term is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.)
The defensive line has been great under Urban, but they haven't been as good as the Florida line that made Troy Smith look like his intestines were cast in cement during the 2007 title game.
And Urban Meyer wouldn't throw that comparison around lightly. Of course, the defensive line has to prove it, but Urban wouldn't say that if he didn't believe it.
CINCINNATI COULD BE GOOD TOO. The common refrain amongst internet haterz is Ohio State doesn't play anybody. While their schedule last year was no Murderer's Row, it won't be a cake-walk this year.
As an example: Cincinnati has been picked by media to win the first American Athletic Conference trophy.
Cincinnati (17 first-place votes), 311 points
UCF (7), 296
Houston (6), 268
East Carolina, 262
Of course, Ohio State's 2013 victory over Northwestern would have been a respectable W had Northwestern not imploded like a controlled stadium explosion. So, again, there is a lot of walking that has to be done, but hopefully Cincinnati can keep the wheels on their wagon after THEY GET SMOKED BY 21+ BY OHIO STATE.
RIP UCLA. A pipe — as pipes from 1921 are known to do in 2014 — burst on UCLA's campus, and the results were biblical.
This is going to be so expensive... #pauleypavilion #uclaflood #LA pic.twitter.com/6CfDYNtOoI— Gadi Schwartz (@GadiNBCLA) July 30, 2014
This is not good... #uclaflood pic.twitter.com/CHdvpR7kpl— Gadi Schwartz (@GadiNBCLA) July 30, 2014
Estimated 8-10 million gallons of water lost after water main break by #UCLA. Wow. @LADWP #uclaflood pic.twitter.com/RlqFqn6yLy— Jennifer Thang (@jenniferthang) July 30, 2014
THOSE WMDs. Good job, Columbus: Sexual predator R. Kelly isn't welcome here... The only reason to follow baseball, Vin Scully, will be back in 2015... The most abused Social Security number of all time is 078-05-1120... Meanwhile, in China... Al Qaeda made $66 million last year by kidnapping Europeans... Nick Vannett grew up in a cubbyhole in Westerville... Crazy-ass Italian sport combines rugby and bare-knuckle fighting... Mixon 911 call: "Some girl just got clocked in the face."