Greetings and welcome to another week inside. I'll do what I can to make it slightly more bearable, but I make no guarantees – particularly if you're not terribly fond of self-deprecation and a fumbling command of the English language.
Song of the Day: "Obvious" by blink-182.
Word of the Day: Exigent.
NO REGRETS. Joe Burrow just capped off arguably the best season from any college quarterback ever with a Heisman Trophy and two blowout wins in the college football playoff before he's selected No. 1 overall in the NFL Draft.
He didn't do any of that as Ohio State's starting quarterback, because Urban Meyer ultimately rode with Dwayne Haskins instead. But even in hindsight, Meyer's at peace with that decision.
“Dwayne Haskins is probably the best quarterback ever to play at Ohio State,” Meyer said.
Still, Meyer thinks highly of Burrow, saying that he did a good job of catching up and improving despite not being at Haskins’ level when the two were both in Columbus.
“Joe was a little behind. You know why? Joe was also Mr. Ohio in basketball and they had a great team in the state championships, and he’s just one of those all-purpose tough guy leaders,” Meyer said. “Joe Burrow is a no brainer. Absolute no brainer. Can he throw as accurately as Dwayne? He’s improved, but he wasn’t that way. But his leadership skills, his toughness, competitive — you talk about a competitive maniac, that’s who Joe Burrow is.”
We can debate this till the end of time, but at the end of the day, if every decision in my life was like deciding between Joe Burrow and Dwayne Haskins, I would be an extremely happy individual.
H-O-R-S-E HERO. I learned two things this weekend: Mike Conley was biogenetically engineered to be a champion H-O-R-S-E player, and his home basketball gym is probably bigger than the three-bedroom house I'm renting.
Mike Conley with a CRAZY off-hand over the backboard layup to move onto the semis pic.twitter.com/max1PRNaSc— ClutchPoints (@ClutchPointsApp) April 12, 2020
My brain has always struggled to fathom what one could buy with over $200 million in earnings, and I think I've found my answer.
Related: with that space, I don't think we should worry about Conley's game going stale during this quarantine. Hell, when basketball's back in our lives, he might be the best player in the NBA for a few days.
A LEAGUE OF HIS OWN. There was a lot of individual greatness to be distracted by last season, but I don't think we're ever going to talk enough about how absurd Justin Fields' debut season was.
Just did a quick search for every quarterback since 2000 to throw at least 40 touchdowns and have three or fewer interceptions in a single season.— Wyatt Crosher (@wcrosher) April 12, 2020
Just so we're clear, nobody did this before 2000, either. That's just as far back as the search function goes.
And to think, at this time last year there was a radical sect of Buckeye fans losing their damn minds at his performance in a fake football game two months after he got to campus.
Maybe canceling the spring game was good, actually?
BEST DAMN JEAN JACKET IN THE LAND. Kristina Miller is now a proud owner of what has to be the crispiest jean jacket of all time.
Ok, we REALLY need to have a college football season so I can wear my new jacket!!!— Kristina Miller (@KschilbMiller) April 11, 2020
I purchased this fun jacket at Further Down The Rabbit Hole here in Buford and shipped it to Natalie.
**Follow @Natalie_Hydee on IG @jacketsbynatalie #IncrediblyTalented #ArtTeacher pic.twitter.com/RChQGLllkK
I'm considering having one commissioned for my fiancée featuring me typing on my laptop while wearing a sweatshirt and a hoodie. I might even have her work in a plate of pizza rollls and my cat.
I'm positive she would wear it with pride.
LET'S GET BACK TO NORMAL. I never thought I'd miss this, but here we are.
Don't know about you guys, but we're looking forward to returning to a sense of normalcy. pic.twitter.com/6GLfeN8ZqJ— Eleven Warriors (@11W) April 13, 2020
It's crazy to think that the only thing way Michigan is going to avoid a ninth-straight loss to Ohio State is if a global pandemic cancels football.
NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. A New York City startup wants to turn LSD into an FDA-approved medicine for anxiety... Virtual Instagram strip clubs have become a thing... A woman is accused of putting pornography-filled Easter eggs in people’s mailboxes... A new smart toilet will be able to identify people by their buttholes... Everyone is doing puzzles now...