Skull Session: My Face Melted Yesterday and The Only Cure is Free Bloomin' Onion

By D.J. Byrnes on January 2, 2018 at 4:59 am
Greg Schiano points to the free Bloomin' Onion

We begin today with the diehards that swear the NFL remains a superior product to CFB. I watched college football for 12 hours yesterday (hi, haters) and felt every emotion on the spectrum of humanity as a neutral observer.

The only two emotions I feel watching the NFL are boredom and frothy self-loathing. (Disclaimer: I'm a Browns fan.)

Still salty, however, that fellow Millennial Lincoln Riley wilted, like a weed baptized by pesticide, down the stretch against Georgia.

As much as it pains me to see a generational comrade fail a moral test to a Generation Xer, the scenes painted by this tweet will remain with me forever...

Looks like Bellamy succeeded. He rattled Baker so much the Heisman winner signed a Tweet from his own account like a grandpa logged into Facebook for the first time.

"–Bake," lol.

Browns can't draft a Millennial that signs his tweets like a Boomer forwarding chain mail (FW: FW: FW: FW: NO OFFENSE).

As for Alabama–Clemson, so begins the downfall of William Swinney.


Word of the Day: Quockerwodger.

 LIGHTSPEED. Ohio State smothered USC, but the final score obscured the worst Buckeye offensive output of the year. Eight sacks were the only thing separating this year's bowl outcome from last year's.

As always, Urban Meyer is the only one that can change the offense's course.


Now that we’re clear on the difference between negativity and reality, what conclusions can be drawn from Kevin Wilson’s first year as Ohio State offensive coordinator? And where does the offense go from here, knowing that it was seldom awful but still struggles more than it should against better teams. The Buckeyes’ 277 yards against USC were its fewest of the season.

We know Wilson can orchestrate a dangerous, up-tempo offense, because he did so at Oklahoma and Indiana, and coaches don’t get less creative. Unless forced to. Does a stubborn Urban Meyer muddy Wilson’s magic touch? Or can the stop-start offense be traced directly to the limitations of quarterback J.T. Barrett?

My hunch is yes and yes. I don’t know to what extent, but with Barrett having played his final game in scarlet and gray, we’re about to find out.

Oklahoma, up until the time it neglected to to for it on 4th-and-1 in a game it had already scored 45 points, made me wonder...

The staff needs a Millennial. I'm sorry if this #take offends, but it's true. The Cotton Bowl offensive output would have been a disaster against any CFP team.

 WHO HAS IT WORSE THAN US? Michigan entered the Outback Bowl as 7½-point favorites over South Carolina. They exited with a 7-point loss. 

Michigan, led by an ostensible quarterback guru and two offensive assistants making more than $1 million a year, produced a highly predictable offense after a month of training.


When asked if there was a moment where the Gamecocks’ defense felt they had solved the Wolverines, cornerback JaMarcus King gave an affirmative answer. He felt that way after Michigan’s first two drives.

“They gave us everything,” King said. “After that, we knew we could stop everything.”

Why? King felt the Wolverines were playing to their tendencies — running a lot of the same routes over and over again.

“The choice route where the receiver runs a mesh and the tight end runs a dig,” King said. “So they ran that probably 85 percent of the time, and they ran a lot of stop routes on the back side.”

The lizard brain theory up north is Shea Patterson, a Mississippi transfer who might not be eligible next year, is powerful enough to right the shipwreck we've witnessed for the last three years.

The best part? Look at Michigan's key games next season...

  • at Notre Dame
  • Nebraska
  • at Northwestern
  • Wisconsin
  • at Michigan State
  • Penn State
  • at Ohio State

Michigan will lose every road game next year, though I hope I'm wrong about its trip to South Bend. Irish–Wolverines it the one time a year I pull for Big Blue. I can't wait to bet $5 on Northwestern (+8½), either.

 THOSE WMDs. China's selfie obsession... 2017: Safest year of aviation in history... Eric Kanter's mad dash to the New York Knicks... How to tell if a dinosaur is fake... The last freeway.

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