Folks, the big game is here, but first—how about them Michigan Wolverines!? I had never before seen a triple false hope rally delivered to its obnoxious and loathsome fanbase.
Hey Blue, hold our FourLoko and watch this.
Clemson fans loathe Ohio State. It's because, even though they're 2-0 against the Buckeyes, they're insecure about their one baby national title from an archaic era and no Heisman trophies. The only people that consider Clemson a blue blood are Clemson fans. And they project their insecurity and self-loathing onto us.
This is why Savage Tiger predicted 45-0 but wouldn't give me 45 points in our crow video bet. He knew in his soul he doesn't believe that trash he talks.
We talked for two hours during two video sessions and developed a relationship comparable to King Egbert of Wessex and Ragnar Lothbrok on History Channel's Vikings.
What I'm saying is one of us will watch the other be tortured for 48 hours and dropped alive 20-feet into a pit of vipers, and it ain't going to be me. I will, however, miss him cussing me out at random parts of the day via text message.
These "hard-working Southern gentlemen" are free to believe in their divine righteousness on the football field. It's the same delusion that allowed dirtbag leaders to whip them into a racist frenzy before feeding their bodies into meat-grinder to fuel a war they couldn't win.
Hell, Clemson is a Nick Saban retirement away from descending back into mediocrity with a McMansion football facility they can no longer afford to heat or light because its minor league stadium only draws 30,000 people drunk enough to suffer through six-loss seasons.
Ohio State lost 15 NFL players and made the playoffs. What has my side got to lose? I don't fear death. I've been dead since a commenter called my hairline "interesting" three months ago.
But bet against Urban Frank Meyer in a semifinal if you want. Bet against J.T. Barrett if you want.Their pasts are littered with the sun-bleached bones of men who made similar mistakes.
THAT OTHER GAME. Meyer made up media quotes to motivate the Florida Gators against Ohio State. That was 2006. His assistants could've written them in crayon on the back of a Waffle House napkin and it would have looked better than Alabama's bulletin board.
From ESPN reporter Holly Rowe:
Alabama could put Washington to the sword. That's what Alabama does (except to Ohio State). But I refuse to degrade Chris Petersen's chances with a month to prepare.
Alabama vs. Washington kicks off in Atlanta at 3 p.m. ET on ESPN.
#PERTINENTWIRE. Clemson fans are right: We're headed for an execution. They're just confused about who's playing the executioner.
PREDICTION: Execution by #JimTresselFieldGoal, 31-28, Ohio State.
THOSE WMDs. Waffle House waitress pulls a gun on robbers who threatened to shoot everyone... How to build an igloo... In Boston sports, hot takers are winning... My prison cell: A place kept compulsively clean... "Aren't I" used to be considered improper, but not anymore.