Skull Session: A Fan Guide to Norman, Sooners Prepare for Familiar Offense, and Kyle Snyder Wants to Try MMA

By D.J. Byrnes on September 13, 2016 at 4:59 am
FAT RAT thumbs up for the Sept 13th 2016 Skull Session

Another day, another penny. Let's Skull Session.

 NORMAN SOUNDS HELLISHLY ENTICING. I made it off the gold-bricked streets of Marion and have seen cities old and new and big and small. Despite what some misguided Americans think, interesting people and adventure lurk everywhere, not just places like New York City or Albuquerque. 

I'll travel anywhere, especially if somebody else is paying for it. I almost pulled the trigger on a trip to Norman to stay at the 11W subterranean bunker we built with embezzled 12th Warrior funds. After I decided against it, I realized I may have missed the last boat of my life to Norman, Oklahoma.

After reading three paragraphs, I can't decide if it's the worst or best thing to ever happen to me.


Beer sold at gas stations in Oklahoma is required by law to be at or under 3.2% ABW (or 3.2% ABV). It’s an archaic law that should be overturned in November, but for now we have to live with it. This means that if you want beer that might actually get you drunk, you’ll have to find liquor stores (which close at 9 p.m.). Bars are partially immune from this law, with the exception of domestics (which still have to be at or under 3.2% ABV). So if you go to a bar, order a grown-up beer.

South OKC has absolutely nothing to offer you, with the exception of strip clubs. The vast majority of Oklahoma City’s strip clubs are in South OKC, and they’re actually not terrible. Other than that, stay north of the river unless you’re a meth head, in which case South OKC is probably heaven. I truly believe Breaking Bad could’ve been set there.

Don’t say a word about Kevin Durant. Seriously, not a fucking word.

And this, from KJonesATX:

What that failed to mention, is that beer sold in liquor stores is sold at room temperature.. There are no refrigerators/coolers with cold beer. So if you want normal ABV beer, you have to buy it at a liquor store and then put it on ice before you can drink a cold beer. So dumb.

If non-sex-having tweakers are overly sensitive about a grown man choosing to work in another city is the worst of Norman's creatures, I have bad news for their denizens: Oklahoma's reckoning strikes West in 24 hours.

Those alcohol laws are a joke, too. And it's no wonder people turned to meth. 

Honestly, I'm worried about Norman. It might not stand a chance.

 LIKE HOUSTON... BUT BETTER. It's no secret: Urban Meyer and J.T. Barrett are relying on their old amigo, Houston coach and founder of MENSA, Tom "Texas" Herman, in preparation for Saturday's game against Oklahoma.

In theory, the Cougars should've been a good test drive for the Sooners. Unfortunately, they awoke naked in a ditch hours after the Coogs scrapped it for parts at a Houston junkyard.


The Cougars' offense is almost identical to Ohio State's, where for the first three years of Urban Meyer's tenure in Columbus, now-Houston coach Tom Herman served as offensive coordinator.

“What you're working on on one, you're working with on the other,” Sooners coach Bob Stoops said recently.


Houston started just two three-star offensive skill-position players against the Sooners — quarterback Greg Ward Jr. and wide receiver Chance Allen. The other four were either two-star rated by out of high school or not rated as in the case of Cougars' walk-on wide receiver Linell Bonner.

Greg Ward Jr. threw for over 300 yards, but Houston only compiled 40 rushing yards.

Ohio State could win with those kinds of numbers in Norman, but even with J.T. Barrett slinging the rock, it'd be a tall task on the road and under the lights.

Not that I'm betting against Barrett, but I expect the Buckeyes to log more than 40 yards on the ground. Call it a hunch of you must.

Ohio State doesn't need to throw that much. It can grind it out on the ground before strangling its opponent with field position and defense. 

 SNYDER WANTS TO EXPAND BAD-ASSERY. Kyle Snyder dumped the world for a wrestling gold medal. A man who says he "likes to do things other people haven't," admits he would like to dabble in mixed martial arts. 


"I want to fight. Basically what that tweet means. I love wrestling, I really do. I would want to continue wrestling but I want to do both at the same time," Snyder revealed. "I want to pursue my wrestling career, wrestle in World Championships and the Olympic games, but if the scheduling could work out and I can become an elite fighter, then I want to fight in the UFC as well.

"They put on a great show, it's really exciting. I think it's something that I could excel in. I haven't done much boxing or jiu-jitsu or striking or stuff like that but I think that I could pick it up pretty quickly. The crowd and the way they made the whole thing a big show was just exciting for me. It's something that I want to do."


I think I'll throw some different training in pretty soon. I'm not sure exactly when I would want to fight, but I want to start working on the stuff I’m not as good at like the striking and jiu-jitsu and stuff like that," Snyder said. "I think it would be a good thing on the days I'm not practicing wrestling going and getting an extra workout.

Obviously, nothing is imminent and wrestling will continue to be Snyder's No. 1, but if he learns striking and jiu-jitsu, some ancient assassins guild is going to try to enlist him. If not them, each branch of the United States military could use him too.

 HARBAUGH! Jim Harbaugh picked his nose and ate a snot shard on national television last week. It's not the first time he's done it and it was the least surprising dietary revelation this side of Nick Saban eating ass.

Harbaugh tried to gaslight us Monday afternoon.

If there were ever a grown-ass man to admit to picking his nose and eating it on national television, it would be Michigan's second-year coach. Not a bad defense, honestly.

On the other hand, there's 0% chance Harbaugh has "never eaten a booger in his life."

 DISPATCH SENDS ME TO A DARK PLACE. Remember that job that makes all other jobs seem like a blessing? That happened to me summer of 2006. I wasn't smart enough to skip class and still get good grades, and I almost failed out of Montana. 

For a dose of reality, my parents sentenced me to toil at the largest dryer factory in the world.


About 2,400 workers make a range of dryer models, mostly bearing Amana, Maytag and Whirlpool brands. The complex covers 2.3 million square feet, and it runs around the clock.

This is more than just an assembly plant. Many of the parts are fabricated in-house. The appliances come together in a series of assembly lines. About 18,000 dryers come off the line every day.

Worker training is extensive, including a simulated assembly line.

“We know that most of the people we hire are not going to come from an appliance manufacturing background,” [plant manager Jim] Gifford said.

Hell no I didn't, and by the end of the summer, I felt I worked on more than 600-800 dryers a shift they claimed. That place... I will buy anyone I come across who works there one alcohol of their choice. I never knew there were so many washers in the world.

Sweating every day in 100-degree heat. Working with a biker who tried to bond with me through racist jokes before openly loathing me for not laughing at racist jokes. Trying to do manual labor with gloved alien fingers. Using a rubber hammer to pop a door handle into place and denting over 180 dryers and stopping the entire line. Getting my ass reamed by a guy who eventually got indicted for stealing chemicals.

Picked up my last pay check and walked out like I had won the lottery. Posted a 3.4 GPA that next semester, which to do this day remains the height of my academic career.

There's a parenting lesson in there somewhere.

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