If it makes me a hostage of the moment to declare yesterday the greatest July 23 in the history of Ohio State's football program... then I'll be that, but only if my accuser names a wilder July 23.
Urban Meyer inherited a 6-7 team and won a national championship in three years. Yesterday, Meyer won the highest-rated recruit of his tenure: The Man They Call the Smaller Bear, Nick Bosa.
Then Braxton Miller, a two-time Silver Football winner, casually mentions on a late Thursday night he's moving to H-Back. (Props to Miller; that's a grown man move.)
If people think I've been a homer, well, they're about to be seasick.
But what else am I — the dipshit that tricked his way onto this soapbox — supposed to say at this point? I feel like every Skull Session until Ohio State loses should just be this GIF:
This week's ANTI-WORK #BANGERS:
- Superheroes get loose with it.
- I don't want my pizza burning.
- Heinz: It's automatic.
- ONE TIME.
CARDALE DUMPS A DIPSHIT. There are two ways — like an adult or a child — to react when an Ohio State "student-athlete" tweets something you find objectionable.
Poor Dan Gustafson chose to react like a child, and Cardale Jones truck-sticked him like he played nose tackle for Oregon.
That's a fatality. There is no coming back from that. Dan Gustafson needs to legally change his name and act perplexed when his kid(s) ask him about the internet.
As for Cardale, I think he'll be a first-round pick... even if he doesn't play a snap for Ohio State this year.
Sources from some teams said they did some preliminary work on Jones because he could have declared for the 2015 NFL Draft. They said that from that initial work, there is a lot they really like about Jones. They said that Jones has rare physical talent and ability to do anything an NFL team could ask of their quarterbacks.
One source said that Jones reminds them of a less-mobile and athletic version of Cam Newton. Both are massive quarterbacks who are hard to get down and also possess the power to run over defenders. They also have devastating cannons for right arms. Jones has rare arm strength, and it makes sense why Jones' nickname is "12 gauge." His shotgun can make any throw to any location on the field that the NFL asks of quarterbacks. From the small sample size, Jones showed the ability to function as a pocket passer and distribute the ball downfield.
While Jones isn't a runner like Newton, league contacts say that they like what he can do with his feet. He can pick up yards on the ground when plays break down. He has more quickness and athleticism than one would think. He is tough to bring down in the pocket and when he takes off downfield. His mobility and running only add to how he can hurt defenses.
Correction: I assume the author meant Cam Newton is a "more athletic Cardale Jones."
THIRSTY KENTUCKY OWNS ITSELF. Lost in all the rancor yesterday was this glorious (and since deleted) tweet from 2016 OSU DE commit Terrell Hall:
Yes, that was Kentucky WR coach Tommy Mainord trying the "we think you're not talented enough to crack the depth chart at Ohio State so maybe you should think about Kentucky" angle.
(It's hard to believe the Wildcats finished second to last in their division last year.)
COLD. Looks like the men's basketball program's analogue to Mark Pantoni — Christopher Spartz, the Recruiting and Operations Coordinator — is as equal swaggernaut as his football counterpart.
I SAW THIS, SO NOW YOU MUST TOO. I was minding my own business last night, when @Andy_Nagele sent this to me. It was like a hot needle into my eye, which is why I'm afflicting y'all with it:
(Nobody is getting any work done today.)
THOSE WMDs. Lottery IT security boss hacked lotto computer, won $14.3M... 10 Things Men Look for in a Woman to Look for in a Man... Online cheaters fell into everyday data trap... Map of American literature's greatest road trips... ~100 Fantastic Pieces of Journalism.