Tuesday Skull Session

I misused "principle" in place of  "principal" in yesterday's Skull Session, and the girlfriend wonders why I awake in cold sweats due to nightmares about making asinine grammar mistakes/bungling mundane facts in these things.

Avoid nightmares over elementary grammar errors, kids, and pay attention in class.

PHIL STEELE SAYS THE TERRAPINS BE TRAPPING. Gotta respect Phil Steele's hustle, man. No matter what he says about college football, he's getting a "Phil Steele says" story. It's a self-feeding cottage industry.

Here's Steele on who he sees as Ohio State's trap game, via Ryan Ginn of Buckeye Sports Bulletin: 

“I think Maryland is going to be one of those under-the-radar teams,” [Steele] told BuckeyeSports.com. “It’s on the road, which makes things a little more difficult. It’s the first time Ohio State has gone to Byrd Stadium and played there, and it’s a little bit of a trap game for Ohio State.”

[...]

“Maryland’s a surprising test this year because I think if Maryland’s got the receivers healthy and can actually stay healthy, that’s a dangerous tricky spot,” Steele said. “It’s the one game other than Michigan State that I’ve got as the closest for Ohio State as far as margin of victory goes. That’s a very tricky game, but at least Ohio State has a bye the next week. With tests like that, I think they’ll be able to have a veteran squad in the areas where they’re inexperienced this year by the time Michigan State rolls around.”

[...]

“People dismiss them because they come from the ACC and say they have to step up to the level of the Big Ten… no,” he said. “Actually, the ACC is the same level as the Big Ten. Clemson knocked off Ohio State and Florida State won the national title. That’s not a chopped liver league over there. Maryland has just caught no luck injury-wise the last few years. Edsall is building a solid program.”

Maryland, hmmm? *smokes corncob pipe* It does sit after Cincinnati (which could be a banger) and before a bye week.

Hmmm. I'm going to need some more time to ruminate on this, because I'm not going to lie, I'm not very studied on Maryland football.

YEAH, THAT OSU REGALIA IS SICK WITH IT. BTN recently polled some media personalities on the best football uniforms in the Big Ten. Ohio State claimed the top crown.

From Brent Yarina of BTN.com:

The voters: Steven Lassan, Andrew Lind, Stewart Mandel, Chris Vannini and Jim Weber, in addition to BTN.com’s Tom Dienhart, Sean Merriman and Brent Yarina.

Voters ranked the Big Ten uniforms, from 1-14, considering each team’s full ensemble (home, away, alternates, throwbacks, primary helmet and alternate helmets), with a first-place vote receiving one point, a second-place vote two points, and so on.

Here's the top five:

I can't really complain with this list, although I've always thought Penn State's uniforms were a bit overrated. And when I say "overrated," that doesn't mean I think something trash.

I just think Penn State's uniforms are boring. OooOOOhHH but they haven't changed them since the Grant administration!!! Who gives a shit? They're boring.

Ohio State's regalia is aces, and I'm glad it's respected by national media members.

1979 BRUTUS WAS THE NO. 1 STUNNA. I am so disgusted by petitions, I doubt I'd sign one to keep me from being executed by the state.

The only petition I'd sign would be one clamoring to bring 1979 Brutus back from beyond the grave. I'd slit my wrists and sign it in my blood.

Ohio State fans, please bring back your Brutus circa 1979... pic.twitter.com/YCWwX2ATJb

— Eric Stangel (@EricStangel) July 22, 2014

1979 Brutus was Mr. Steal Yo Girl, and honestly would you blame your girl for leaving the bar with 1979 Brutus? You'd have no choice but to chalk it up to the game, and you'd undoubtedly take her back the next morning specifically because she had walked on the wild side with 1979 Brutus.

You know what? Maybe we should keep 1979 Brutus in the ground. I'm not trying to raise my own kid, let alone 1979 Brutus'. 

EVAN TURNER TO BOSTON. We last saw Evan Turner dumping a can of gas into his Ferrari in the median of the 315/670 split, and it looks like Turner will be able to afford cans of gas for the foreseeable future.

Turner's agent, David Falk, told USA Today yesterday his client has reached a deal with the Boston Celtics. (As of this writing, contract details were unavailable.)

The Indianapolis Pacers, Turner's former employers, declined to extend an $8.7 million qualifying offer for the 2014 season. The Celtics will be Turner's third team since being drafted No. 2 overall in the 2010 NBA draft. 

Evan Turner: as a scorer, his mediocrity is uniquely versatile pic.twitter.com/1ufw7c6GJK

— Kirk Goldsberry (@kirkgoldsberry) July 21, 2014

[Here's a bigger image of the chart.]

Unlike Maryland football, I have watched a lot of Evan Turner in the NBA, and "uniquely mediocre" is a good way to describe him. Still, if there's a profession in which it's good to be mediocre, it's a professional athlete.

At least we'll get to see Evan Turner and Jared Sullinger finally play together. Unfortunately, it will be for the Boston Celtics, the most trash franchise in the NBA. (That last part is ironclad fact.)

WELL, HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN HANGING AROUND TAYLOR LEWAN. In Marion, we have a phrase for people who were talking shit before getting knocked out: "Well, he shouldn't have been talking shit."

I'd like to introduce a new phrase into the 11W lexicon: "Well, he shouldn't have been hanging out with Taylor Lewan."

From Jim Wyatt of The Tennessean:

The Titans rookie quarterback [Zach Mettenberger] was the victim of a sucker punch in the face during a Saturday incident at Losers Most Wanted Bar & Grill on Division Street, according to its owner.

[...]

"Here's the truth: The guy said something about 'Roll Tide!' to Zach, and Zach turned around and said 'Good luck with that,' " [Losers owner Steve] Ford said. "And the guy's buddy then sucker-punched Zach.

Is there anything in life Alabama fans won't yell "Roll Tide!" over? It was probably what Leon Czolgosz yelled before assassinating President McKinley.

The bar's owner, who I can't believe went out of his way to defend his millionaire, pro athlete patrons, said the attack was unprovoked. That appears to not be entirely true:

[Taylor] Lewan was also at Losers on Saturday, according to his Twitter feed. The former Michigan tackle is facing three misdemeanor assault charges for allegedly punching an Ohio State fan after last year's Michigan-Ohio State game. The trial is scheduled for October in Michigan during the Titans' bye week.

I have no problem believing Taylor Lewan attended a bar called Losers. In fact, I couldn't imagine him attending a bar called anything else.

Since I'm in the giving mood, here's another pro bono lesson for all the kids out there: Bad things follow bad people, and Taylor Lewan is a bad person.

THOSE WMDs. I can't stop watching this vine, either... PHOTO: Les Miles watching Les Miles in an ESPN commercial... Throwing baseballs at people is dangerously infantile... OSU credits alumni as fundraising hits near-record levels... Charlie Weis thinks drop-back quarterbacks have been exposed... Photos of decaying Cold War relics found all over Europe... Two-decade old LEGOs still washing up in England... Officially official: Torrance Gibson to Friday Night Lights... Sir, that's not Pete Carroll.