10 Reasons to Hate Washington

By Jake Anderson on December 31, 2018 at 7:25 pm
Jake Browning reads the defense before taking snap in the snow.

James Snook-USA TODAY Sports

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Ohio State's first Rose Bowl since 2010 is coming soon. Let's begin.

10. Seattle is the rainiest city in the nation

The city of Seattle, home to the University of Washington, is depressing for about half of the year. The Pacific Northwest in infamous for constant downpours, making it one of the rainiest cities in the nation.

Who would want to live in such a gloomy city? It rains an average of 150 days a year. I mean come on, even the Supersonics left.

9. Volcanoes

Washington is a beautiful state (so I have been told). It boasts a forestry terrain and mountains across the landscape.

Unfortunately, some of those mountains are actually volcanoes that could blow at any moment. Washington is woefully unprepared for Mt. Rainier’s inevitable eruption, refusing to rebuild the failing natural barriers that could limit the devastation.

While the view of the snowy peaks of Mt. Rainier is a sight to behold, I would prefer to avoid ash and smoke penetrating my lungs, slowly choking me to death and then preserving my corpse.

8. Starbucks

I can not wait for the comments about this one.

I am not much of a coffee guy, but Starbucks is the most overrated fast-food coffee ever. It’s half whipped cream, half disgusting milked-down coffee. 

The Seattle company has taken over the nation with its venti lattes or whatever they are called. Who knew that all it took to get rich was to sell overpriced coffee and give it Italian names?

7. John Ross

John Ross, a Washington alumnus, was a top-ten pick by the Bungles in the 2017 NFL Draft. Ross has been one of the bigger busts in recent history. He had a somewhat-decent second year, but still sits at just 210 receiving yards over his career. He has only played in 16 of possible 32 games in his career.

John Ross has been a huge disappointment for Cincinnati fans, and it is even worse when you look at who was drafted after him.

2017 NFL Draft
via NFL.com

Yikes.

6. Pig war

The first settlers of Washington State almost started a war with Great Britain over a pig.

The two countries had claimed the San Juan Islands, just off the coast of the current State of Washington, and settlers had moved into the land. An American farmer witnessed a black pig eating his crops and killed it. His British neighbor asked where his pig was and the American stated he killed it. The two had a disagreement, which eventually led to troops of each nation being deployed to protect the settlers.

The troops eventually had a 12-year standoff on the island, finally resolving in 1871 after months of negotiations. All because a Washington settler killed a pig.

5. Pete Carroll

The head coach of the Seattle Seahawks, Pete Carroll is one of the most hateable coaches in the nation. He illegally built up USC into one of the best programs in the nation and “coincidentally” left before the punishment came.

The sanctions effectively destroyed USC, taking away its 2005 National Championship, 30 scholarships, and a two-year bowl ban. Yet, Pete Carroll escaped unscathed.

4. The streets of Seattle

In the Midwest, cities are always assembled in block format. One would assume that Seattle, which was founded much later than Columbus, Chicago, etc., would use these earlier urban areas as templates to plan their own organized city.

Seattle said “to hell with that”:

Intersections of Seattle
Courtesy of Peter Gorman via Seattle.Curbed.com

These intersections increase my heart rate every time I look at them. I have no idea what to do at any of them and it is pissing me off.

3. DBU?

For some reason, Washington thinks they are DBU.

Sure, it looks like the Huskies have the Buckeyes beat this year. Byron Murphy and Taylor Rapp are likely first-round picks in this years NFL draft. But this, along with Marcus Peters, does not make you DBU.

Ohio State has churned out four first-round defensive backs in the last two years. One of them won Rookie of the Year and Denzel Ward looks to be a star in the making. Not to mention, of course, Super Bowl Champions Bradley Roby and Malcolm Jenkins.

Washington is delusional and needs to be humbled. Luckily, I know just the thing.

2. The worst season in College Football History

Ah yes, the worst season in the history of Power Five football. In 2008, the Huskies went 0-12. Their closest game was to 2-10 Washington State, whom they lost to in overtime.

First of all, could you imagine if Ohio State went winless for a full 12-game season? There would be riots. Gene Smith would be brought to trial. Ohio State haters across the nation would bring it up for the next century.

Washington, on the other hand, has avoided the historic slander and has rebuilt its reputation as a conference power. This difference in expectations is enough to hate the Huskies.

1. Urban’s last game

It is only right to give Urban Meyer a ride off into the sunset. And there is not a better place to do it than Pasadena, California.

Meyer is one of the most successful coaches in Ohio State history, delivering three Big Ten titles, four bowl wins, two College Football Playoff appearances, and a National Championship.

Urban Meyer deserves one final victory before handing off the sticks to Ryan Day.

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