https://sports.theonion.com/new-ncaa-rule-forces-athletes-to-remove-all-facial-feat-1838739640

Calling it a necessary step in lieu of state legislation challenging student athletes’ unpaid status, the NCAA announced a new rule Thursday forcing athletes to remove all facial features to prevent them from profiting off their likenesses. “We take the amateur nature of our student athletes very seriously, which is why, to thwart any chance that they may profit or receive monetary compensation for their appearance in any way, we’re requiring complete reconstructive facial surgery to remove any and all defining features,” said NCAA spokesman Thomas Collins...

Mod Edit: Moved to Anything Else.