Third December, Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Seventeen

Dearest Shelley,

This morning I and my erstwhile foe, General Paul Chryst of the Grand Army of Wisconsin, signed the armistice that put an end to the War of Fourteen Armies, recognizing Ohio’s hegemony and once more unifying the fragmented Land of Ten. It has been a long, costly, at times glorious and at times horrifying war. Thousands lost their lives and many more lost limbs, houses, and cornfields (in the case of the people of Nebraska). The wastes of Michigan are pacified again, the armies of rabid wolverines driven back to their spawning burrows which have been blasted shut, that they may never trouble good people again. The armies of Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan have been crushed. Now a long era of peace and prosperity may follow for our land, reunited under my banner.

Before the battle began, General Chryst and I rode out to the fields of Indianapolis to discuss terms. He offered to accept my surrender and I reciprocated the gesture. He offered me a fine glass of beer and a plate of excellent cheese curds, while I gave him a tin of your sugar cookies, which seemed quite salubrious to his temperament. After discussing terms, agreeing that neither side would stoop to using grapeshot and would treat prisoners fairly, we went our separate ways and returned to our armies.

The battle commenced late in the evening, each side thinking we would catch the other unprepared with a sneak attack, and thus each army blundered into the other, and the early goings were frantic and chaotic. Colonel Schiano, having recently suffered a most injurious insult by the mountebanks of Tennessee, prepared excellent schemes and stratagems that utterly negated the much-feared Wisconsin light cavalry led by the infamous raider Jonathan “Honey Badger” Taylor. Meanwhile the counter-offensive devised by Colonel Wilson inflicted heavy losses on the Wisconsin infantry. Captain Barrett, having recovered from his injury sustained against the Army of Michigan, fulfilled his duties not entirely without mistake, but with an incredible fortitude even an old soldier like myself has seldom seen. But it was Sergeant Dobbins’ decisive cavalry charge to capture the Wisconsin supply lines that ultimately won us a battle that we could very well have lost, as the forces of Wisconsin showed their resilience in surviving assault after assault. But in the end, their ranks were broken, their flanks enveloped, their officers captured, and their colors hoisted down and replaced with the glorious Buckeye banner.

I will return to you a happy victor, but I fear while the land may be united, the battle is not over. While we have won this war, the larger war for control of the continent has passed us by. Four armies are meeting soon, and between these armies the fate of the continent will be decided. For our part, we can only safeguard the homefront and hope to maintain our independence against whatever army ultimately triumphs in the great war to come. But it may not be as simple as that. If my scouts and spies are correct, a great army to the west is approaching, the fearsome Trojans of Southern California. I remember well the battles of my father and my grandfather against the Trojans, and I will not allow them to reach the borders of Ohio. Thus, when the time is right, we will march against them, and meet them far away from our own land, and stop their march in its tracks.

But until that time, we might enjoy victory together.

Yours forever,

General Urban Francis Meyer.