Ole Miss Head Football Coach Job Listing
I think I have the goods and talents... I just need your spirit and encouragement!
I'm brushing up my resume and listing my qualifications. I need your help, folks...
Here are my qualifications per my application:
- Fluent in modern slang and all those cool things people like now
- Gives great hugs - open to other non-verbal gestures of appreciation and admiration
- Excellent taco chef on Tuesdays
- Uses correct dry-erase board markers (not Sharpies)
- Recruited 23 5-star prospects on NCAA '09 for the PS2
- Amassed extensive football card collection between the years 1986 and 1994
- Well-versed on AOL Instant Messenger, Brent Musberger and other current forms of communication
- Manages various dating profiles
- Frequently diagnosed team deficiencies from my couch
- Mastered the post-game handshake - not a "dead fish" - situationally-assertive
- Can make good Gatorade without measuring the water or powder
- Willingness to coordinate offense/defense/team apparel as needed
- Able to work nights and some weekends - open to travel if desired - NO WHORES/BURNER PHONES
- Open to learning how to "Dougie" or do other dances per venue and audience demand
