Hola, amigos. I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya but things have been fairly intense outside of 11W headquarters.
I'm pretty sure I have a couple wisdom teeth that need removed with the quickness and beyond the expected pain created from having two kids under the age of four along with the omnipresent bad news saturating the sports, politics and public health fronts, I've had a crippling headache for the better part of five weeks and needed to decompress.
Honestly, I didn't know Exedrin Tension Headache was a thing until a month ago and now it's one of my four food groups.
Anyway, despite my desire to avoid it, I've still stayed at least modestly plugged into things and I've come to a few conclusions.
One, the internet was a bad idea.
Two, it's wild how some fans and even reporters, in desperate need of certain outcomes, will cling to the completely random and flimsy BREAKING NEWZ proclamations from ridiculous twitter accounts simply because they want the content to be true.
Three, we could all use a few things to universally agree on to help ease some of the tension caused by the non-stop sadness and vitriol.
So here it is, a list of things I'm sure we can all 100% unequivocally agree on with absolutely zero deviation.
THIS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE A CATCH AND A FUMBLE RESULTING IN A PICK-SIX
Figured I should start with a layup to build some momentum. Let's see if it holds..
CALL THEM WHATEVER YOU LIKE, BONELESS WINGS ARE BETTER THAN REAL WINGS
Okay, I'm guessing we've derailed already. To be clear, I love this man's passion. And I have no issue with renaming boneless wings if it's really that important.
That said, what's really important is that boneless wings taste every bit as good as bone-in wings and they come with ~237% less mess.
I know some of you relish eating like cavemen, bragging about how you never leave a speck of meat on the bone and have endured magma-level spicy sauce from a wing joint that has a line four hours long every day. That's fine. I'm not hating on it.
But if I can accept that odd machismo, I would hope you could respect the sanity from those us perfectly fine with not needing a roll of paper towels and some Dawn to get through an appetizer.
NEBRASKA'S DESIRE TO TURN IN ANOTHER MEDIOCRE SEASON IS NEXT LEVEL
Look, as fans, we all want to see Big Ten football return this fall. Beyond the sheer joy of watching college football, Ohio State fans know Ryan Day has a squad capable of winning the national title. The parents of his players know that as well and hey, we can all appreciate mom and dad going to bat for their kid.
What's interesting is how frothy Nebraska fans, parents and administrators are at the idea of no traditional fall football season. The folks at Penn State, Michigan, Wisconsin, you name it, are nowhere near as vocal or even litigious as the good folks in Lincoln. And make no mistake, they're good folks.
It's just wild to me that Nebraska Nation would be the most riled up alongside Buckeye fans given the program had just one 10-win season during the last decade and is a combined 13-23 over the last three seasons with zero bowl appearances.
FADING CLAY TRAVIS CONTINUES TO PAY DIVIDENDS
The poster child for thinking if you say something loud enough and long enough people will eventually believe it (and in too many cases he's right), Clay should probably be a little less declarative when offering his gambling takes.
You might remember 11W fading Clay's can't miss picks for the entire 2017 season, turning a profit in the process.
On Monday night, Clay looked deep into his crystal ball..
Im on Navy tonight. Lets roll!— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) September 7, 2020
I believe the line closed as a virtual Pick 'Em at kickoff and Clay was definitely feeling Navy. This was a bold strategy in that the Midshipmen hadn't tackled in scrimmages leading up to the season opener out of concern for player safety.
Clay's squad found itself in a 31-0 hole at the half before falling 55-3 on the strength of 30 passing yards and seven first downs. Meanwhile, BYU racked up 580 total yards, handing Navy its worst loss since Ken Niumatalolo took over back in 2008.
It's simply science to say taking Clay's gambling advice is a one-way ticket to divorce and poverty.
So there you have it, four things we can all rally around with zero debate. Good luck with the rest of your day as you wade through the wasteland that is the internet in 2020.