Monday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on August 8, 2011 at 6:00 am

This weekend, ESPN, I assume because they were bored, ran another piece about all the dirty money swimming around The Ohio State University's football team. This time in the form of an "Outside the Lines" piece.

Among the revelations were people will pay a lot of money for famous peoples' signatures. Ohio State apparently has a large swath of fans willing to pay hefty prices for such signatures. $2,000 for a picture with some illegible scribbling on it? Uhhh, I better have a tree in my backyard which blooms three million dollars every spring.

I'm sorry, I just don't get the whole thing with autographs. Why the hell would I want somebody's autograph? I don't need a signature to validate the time I interacted with somebody famous, especially if it involves me standing in a line in the middle of some suburban mall for three hours so I can have a forced, awkward conversation with some guy who just wants my money. WHAT A MEMORABLE EXPERIENCE.

My roommate has a baseball signed by Kenny Lofton. (Tribe era, obvii). I think all autographs should've ended with that one--name a better autograph than that? You can't. That was also 1996 and he was 8. 

QB CONTROVERSY: Does Ohio State want youthful explosiveness or the steady hand of a veteran? Yesterday, The Plain Dealer ran article about Ohio State's vastly different options at the quarterback position. Is this really a dilemma?

Look, I ain't got no qualms with no Joe Bauserman as a human being. He's probably a likable guy. Unfortunately, I've seen him play football. During his various appearances for Ohio State (mop firmly planted in his hand), was there any Buckeye fan that said, "Man, I'd be completely cool with the idea of Joe Bauserman running the show?" I'm sure there was, but it was probably just Joe Bauserman's younger brother.

In soccer, it's called "blooding the youngsters." I've watched some high-light tapes of Braxton Miller on YouTube, and that's all I need to see. (Granted, I'm also the same guy who watched one youtube video and then told all of his friends in Montana for a year that Antonio Henton was The Next Big Thing at Ohio State--which I still contend would've happened if Antonio had never gotten wrapped up in a prostitution sting). It's not like we're winning the national title this year--so why not blood the youngster?

A Columbus Dispatch reader is disgusted with Bo Pelini. Jim Tressel & Joe Paterno's Fossil: TWO CLASSY DRESSERS. You know who isn't a classy dresser? Bo Pelini, who was called a "slob" by a guy named "Richard" who lives in Newark. IS THE BIG 10 NOT ABOVE THIS ANARCHY?

It cracks me up, picturing some dude named "Richard" in Newark watching a Bo Pelini interview and getting fired up over Pelini's attire. Not only that, but then deciding the proper course of action was writing a letter about it to the Columbus Dispatch. BOY OH BOY, RICHARD, YOU REALLY SERVED HIM NICELY. Who cares what another grown man wears? (This is the type of guy who goes home and beats his wife within an inch of her life if his chicken potpie is not properly cooled down when he goes to eat it).

Note to self: I wanna party with Method Man & Bo Pelini in Michigan when the Browns win the Super Bowl.BO PELINI: NO CONCERN OVER YOUR LETTERS

Quilts. Tractors. NEBRASKA. The first thing listed about Lincoln in this puff piece on Lincoln, Nebraska? "Quilts and tractors." Seriously, click the link and look for yourself. Third paragraph in.

I like to travel, but sorry, it's going to take more than a disheveled Bo Pelini, quilts, and some tractors to get me to go to Nebraska. And no, I don't care that they used to be good when quills were used.

West Virginia is going to be slangin' some beer at their games this year. Colleges presidents are now coming to the realization that selling beer at their football games could make them a lot of money. West Virginia, for example, expects about a million dollars from alcohol sales next year. What's the worst that could happen?? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A MILLION DOLLARS HERE.

@JLOU_6 IS DEAD. LONG LIVE @JLOU_6. With Jonathan Newsome retiring his Twitter crown, Eleven Warriors' own commentors nominated @jlou_6 as the funniest Ohio State footballer on Twtter; and he did not disappoint. (He also apparently has a uterus?)

Unfortunately the Louis dynasty only lasted for six days. Like Twitter greats before him, Duron Carter & the aformentioned Jonathan Newsome, Louis is expected to transfer from Ohio State. FIU and Miami are in the mix for Louis' services.

Who will rise from the ashes of the Louis Dynasty? These are the pertinent questions about Ohio State football I find myself asking.

Dallas Lauderdale is heading to Poland. Lauderdale, who went admirably hard in the paint at Ohio State for nearly 13 years, signed with PGE Turow this weekend. The image of Dallas Lauderdale walking around Poland while looking lost makes me chuckle.

FANCY INTRANT THINGS. So, the richest man in the world may have lost 6.7 billion dollars in stocks, but sadly this recession has also claimed the e-Trade baby. || Facebook's "King of Spam" now hangs out at Google+. || Afro Kobe Bryant could really jump || You have probably heard of a "FlashMob", but have you heard of the new hustle: the "FlashRob"? || My favorite Tumblr of the week || A kingly picture of King Warren G. Harding! And another too, since I forgot last week. || The five craziest North Korean children's stories. || Hacker stock art. || Things probably didn't end well for this leprechaun.

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