The GBU Report: Buckeyes 20, Zips 2

By Chris Lauderback on September 9, 2007 at 12:00 pm
Big Ten Network star commentator: Pootie Tang

Is it just me, or are the rest of you also more confident when our opponent has the ball than you are when our offense has the ball? I lost count, but I think my gag reflex was triggered more times than the team generated first downs. Thank God for the defense.

Anyway, Jason has your uber breakdown so I'll get right to the GBU:

The Good

  • Allowed just 69 total yards (3 rushing, 66 passing)
  • Surrendered just 3 first downs
  • Held Akron to 2/16 on 3rd down conversions
  • Forced Zips to accumulate 575 PUNTING yards.
  • Individually, Doug Worthington stood out with a great instinctual play knocking down a screen pass and his constant presence in the Akron backfield. Ross Homan showed again he is a sure tackler providing depth at LB.

The Bad

  • TURNOVERS! Going -4 in turnovers next week will undoubtedly lead to an L.
  • Worse than the turnovers, Big Ten Network announcer Charles Davis nearly forced our crew to mute the telecast. At one point, Charles apparently jammed 20 marbles in his mouth and proceeded to break down a play forcing a buddy to ask "Is that Pootie Tang calling the game?" Sa da tay!
  • Some of you might disagree, but I thought the timing of inserting Schoenhoft into the game was a little curious. I know we need a backup with some snaps under his belt but I had just sensed a little offensive cohesion and The Vest promptly changed signal callers. That said, I could subconsciously be typing this simply because Robbie reminds me of Bellisari and I'd rather be reminded of the time a sledding accident ended up with my sled cracked and attached to my crotch.

The Ugly

  • I thought Akron was a fairly classless bunch, especially #19 John Mackey. He had a pretty good game but the constant woofing and jawing was annoying. And, is it a team rule that you must have a porn 'stache, chin strap, or some other facial hair to get playing time? Most of them looked like they were either homeless or on parole. Have some pride, people.