New Era, New Hideous Trophy

July 14, 2014 at 11:10a    by DJ Byrnes    
77 Comments

You know that iconic photo of an ecstatic Jim Tressel lording over the crystal football trophy after Ohio State's historic "upset" over the 2002 Miami team?

Try to imagine that photo, but with this hideous looking thing in place of the awesome crystal football:

"Master craftsmen" toiled for three months with "cutting edge technology" and "timeless metal casting" to create this monstrosity.

The trophy (which is detachable) and base stands three feet tall and weighs a cool 65 pounds. It's made up of 24-karat gold, bronze and stainless steel.

It will also never feature a corporate logo, which is nice, but what corporation would want its logo on a paperweight?

Source: @CFBPlayoff

77 Comments

Comments

Fatpants's picture

It looks like someone's bowling league trophy with the little plastic man broken off the top.

+12 HS
BuckeyeinToledo's picture

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

-Woody Hayes

+15 HS
RunningFree's picture

Could be worse, I guess...

+18 HS
BroJim's picture

That trophy is awesome!

I season my simple food with hunger

BierStube's picture

Speaking of could be worst ... always liked the armed services ... don't like the trophy ..

"No matter where you go, there you are." B. Banzai

+12 HS
Fatpants's picture

With absolutely no disrespect whatsoever to the National Guard, that has to be the worst trophy ever for a fighting contest.

+3 HS
jtlightner's picture

Remove the stupid CFB logo, and put a Crystal Football in the opening and make it a decent trophy.

+1 HS
jtlightner's picture

#BringBackTheCrystalFootball

+6 HS
DJ Byrnes's picture

Amway Trophy will still be given out to whatever team wins their little coaches poll at the end of the season. 

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

BucksFan2000's picture

So they ruined the one good thing about the BCS?

+18 HS
Max's picture

Should be an oversized belt, boxing style, the coach can wear it on the sidelines the following season.

+28 HS
InTressITrust's picture

Good thing TTUN will never win it with Hoke.  I do not think they could make a belt big enough to fit him while fitting other coaches.

"I'm not going to lie. We're anxious to be a part of a matchup like that. It's two states that love the game of football." -Jim Tressel

+6 HS
Earle's picture

What I would have given to see Tressel wearing one of those.

+1 HS
aboynamedtracy's picture

Exactly my take.

Maybe it's a National Title, maybe it's Maybelline.

+3 HS
kgab11's picture

Anything gold will look 1970ish. A blue ribbon would be better than this thing. 

I_Run_The_Dave's picture

What about Bert rolling around in the mud with a "Best in Show" ribbon?

+8 HS
BuckeyeGT2002's picture

Am I the only one who thinks that the top of it looks...um...feminine, with a football stuck in there?

Because I couldn't go for three...

+18 HS
jtlightner's picture

No, my coworkers and I made the joke about removing the CFB logo and putting a Crystal Football in the vaginal opening.

Right there with you buddy.

+5 HS
BuckeyeGT2002's picture

Ok good...so it isn't just my dirty mind!!

Because I couldn't go for three...

+1 HS
WriteMyWrong's picture

Oh... great. Now I can't un-see that.

Because I couldnt go for 3.

+2 HS
Catch 5's picture

Yep.  We are all cheering for our teams to win a fleshlight now.  :^(

Make their asses quit! - Nick Saban

+11 HS
Unky Buck's picture

Time to go out on a high note, Catch 5

...

+7 HS
Catch 5's picture

Yeah, I heard someone say that this morning before I had seen the trophy.  Apparently from the other comments here it started with Ramzy so credit goes to him.

Make their asses quit! - Nick Saban

Unky Buck's picture

ESPN would learn a lot from you.

...

+2 HS
OSU_ALUM_05's picture

tying multiple threads together in one nicely played kick to the shins of another member

+2 HS
NW Buckeye's picture

Well, when you think about it, that is an ultimate goal kind of thing for most of the participants.......

+1 HS
DiasporaBuck's picture

Yeah, turns out the artist who designed it was Maude Lebowski

OSU Class of 1999

+3 HS
SAK's picture

I found the artist interview

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

And that's the closest Michigan will get to it.

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

+2 HS
northwest_buckeye's picture

If I designed a trophy like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

I've never said I 'hate' anyone because that would imply I had any emotion for them whatsoever.

+9 HS
brandonbauer87's picture

That's the ugliest trophy I want to see Ohio State raise this season. 

+3 HS
toad1204's picture

Ramzy FTW...

@ramzy: "Can't wait to see my team hold up Donald Trump's fleshlight at the end of the season."  https://t.co/VmAmv83eaM

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

+14 HS
TheShookster's picture

HAHAHAHA theres no bad time for a fleshlight joke.

+2 HS
HandsOfSweed's picture

Oh, damn you!!!! I was literally putting a spoonful of vanilla yogurt in my mouth when I read that!!!!

+2 HS
Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

Fleshlight retweeted it and followed me. I'm now followed on Twitter by a male sex toy.

toad1204's picture
Seems to fit.

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

+10 HS
ISURVIVEDCOOPER's picture

Now you're infamous~!

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

BHT's picture

I did too, until DJ said this:

You know that iconic photo of an ecstatic Jim Tressel lording over the crystal football trophy after Ohio State's historic "upset" over the 2002 Miami team?

Try to imagine that photo, but with this hideous looking thing in place of the awesome crystal football:

I tried to imagine it, it looked hideous. 

I think I see where you are coming from though.

wojodta's picture

Why couldn't they just keep the crystal

+2 HS
Gray Box's picture

The detachable base:

(I believe the trophy is said to weigh 35 pounds.)
+8 HS
AndyVance's picture

I wondered about that - 65 lbs. is a helluva lot for a trophy.

DJ Byrnes's picture

i read gud

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

BuckeyeInOrlando's picture

Trophy is 35lbs. Base is 30lbs. Total weight is 65lbs.

+1 HS
toad1204's picture

If we're talking about this thing resembling a phallic symbol, the fact it detaches from a base that resembles a... umm... yeahhh...  just further cements it.

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

+4 HS
OSUStu's picture

The detachable base

.../charging station.

If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.  ~ Bruce Lee

+2 HS
HighBallAce's picture

That looks like a giant glass....

+4 HS
FitzBuck's picture

They modeled it after Goldmembers.....um member.

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

+2 HS
Gametime's picture

Wait, is it just me or does the sign behind her say "Longs Dongs Challenge"???

...I too dream in color and in rhyme
So I guess I'm one of a kind in a full house
Cause whenever I open my heart, my soul or my mouth
A touch of God rains out...

+8 HS
BuckeyeInOrlando's picture

It's ugly, but it'll be beautiful in the trophy case at the Woody.

+4 HS
Michael Citro's picture

At the risk of being thrown off the internet for not hating something (That's internet law, right? I mean, people were hating on Rush lyrics in my timeline this morning, for God's sake!), I have no problem with it. It's nothing special by any means, but it's OK. could be a helluva lot worse.

cronimi's picture

Agreed. Certainly better than the Fiesta Bowl monstrosity....

+4 HS
Squirrel Master's picture

I agree it could have been worse, but compared to the crystal it leaves a lot wanting.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

+2 HS
Poison nuts's picture

I wouldn't have hated it either...if the crystal football wasn't already perfect. That's my problem - it's a downgrade IMHO & therefore pretty bad. But yeah - I want OSU to have the first one for sure!

"Death created time to grow the things that it would kill" - Detective Rustin Cohle.

+1 HS
Mizzillion's picture
+24 HS
BucksFan2000's picture

Why don't they go all in?  Why just a hideously stupid trophy?  They should name the two semi-finalists "Leaders" and "Legends".

+3 HS
toad1204's picture

If they can get these disbursed across the country the US Olympic Committee can use them for torches.

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

+1 HS
Jeeves's picture

Looks like an elaborate standing ashtray from a bank lobby in the early 1970s. There should be a foot pedal that opens the top to swallow the butts.

+8 HS
Buck Commander's picture

Looks like a toy for his and her pleasure......Batteries not included!

Every time I set my DVR to record Biggest Loser......It always records Wolverine Football Games!

+1 HS
jamesrbrown322's picture

I never wanted anything so ugly, so badly in my entire life.

"I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying." - W.W. Hayes

+2 HS
Knarcisi's picture

It'll look good in the case at the WHAC. 

+2 HS
BassDropper's picture

Still want it though

DIRECTIONER

+2 HS
Bucksfan70's picture

every year, when someone wins the national championship, the winning team takes turns kissing the trophy. but this year someone will kiss the golden weiner.

ugh!

“Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't.” - Jerry Rice

+1 HS
hit_the_couch's picture

It looks like an ergonomically designed tube of nail polish.

And then I told her...i'm no weatherman, but tonight's forecast is calling for several inches!

BassDropper's picture

that was my first thought. It took me a second upon seeing the picture to realize I wasn't looking at nail polish. Condi must have designed the trophy. 

DIRECTIONER

InvertMyVeer's picture

Oh my goodness that looks terrible... WE MUST HAVE IT

Football is complicated...

Bucksfan70's picture

what is that? it's a giant..

“Today I will do what others won't, so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can't.” - Jerry Rice

BoFuquel's picture

Time and change will surely show: it's FANBUCKIMGTASTIC! Now go bring it home or else. GO BUCKS!

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

MordenoftheSith's picture

Here's my take on the idea, planning, implementation, and execution of the trophy....

If you only knew the POWER of the Dark Side.

+2 HS
SAK's picture

It took some work, but I found the artist of the trophy.