Skull Session: Ohio State's Offense is Lapping Everyone Else, Denzel Burke is a Blanket, and J.T. Tuimoloau's Name is Not “J.T.T.”

By Kevin Harrish on October 7, 2021 at 5:59 am
Dawand Jones is happy in today's skull session.
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Turns out, shortening J.T. Tuimoloau's name to "J.T.T." makes absolutely no sense.

To anyone bothered by this new development, especially those in the media, I have a solution to offer you – simply learn how to say and spell his actual name.

Wild, I know!

Word of the Day: Lucre.

 MOVE. THAT. BALL. We've all been (rightfully) so concerned about what's happening on the defensive side of the ball that I don't think we're really properly acknowledging just how absurdly good the Ohio State offense has been this season.

But we probably should, because the Buckeyes are almost lapping everybody else this season when it comes to yards per play.

Of course, the big problem against Oregon (and Tulsa, to a lesser extent) was that these yards didn't necessarily lead to points, but I'll happily believe that problem's been fixed until I have reason to believe otherwise.

I think C.J. Stroud now having a functioning throwing shoulder probably helped, too.

 FOLKS, HE'S A FRESHMAN. Cornerback is usually a position where it takes many practice reps before a player is ready to see the field in a meaningful way, much less be elite.

Fortunately, nobody seems to have told Denzel Burke that.

Worth noting, that should be one fewer catch and one more interception if it weren't for some uh... curious replay decisions. Either way, those numbers are absurd for a true freshman in his first four collegiate games.

The funniest part is, Burke didn't even play cornerback in high school. So these four games have been literally his first four games ever playing the position.

I think his ceiling might be pretty high.

 RESIDENT MECHANIC. There are three people everyone wants to have amongst their family or friends – a doctor, a lawyer and a handyman.

I cannot vouch for Zed Key's medical or judicial expertise, but I'd absolutely call him to fix just about anything.

“Zed is a whole other anomaly,” Ohio State guard Jimmy Sotos says. “What, is he 19 years old? I’m telling you, he’s 40 at heart. I tell ya, he’s a 40-year-old technician.”

...

“I woke up one morning and I had a dent in the front part of my car,” said Jimmy Sotos. “I told everybody what happened, next thing I know after practice I go outside and I see Z working on my car. I didn’t even say anything and I was like, ‘What’s going on over there?’ He’s like, ‘I fixed your car!’ Checked it out, [it looks] brand new.”

“With cars it’s been around with me and my dad and grandfather. We’ve always loved to work on cars and fix our own cars at home,” Key said simply.

So, it’s not surprising the Buckeyes key to keeping their cars in shape is Zed Key.

Sotos wasn't lying. It is some damn impressive work.

If any of y'all need anything fixed, give him a hollar on Twitter or something. Judging by what I know of Zed, there's a non-zero chance he just shows up at your front door or something.

 BIG THANOS. If y'all need to do some early Christmas shopping for that special someone in your life, I have a humble suggestion.

On second thought, I think this might just belong in a museum, instead. Because this is a straight-up masterpiece.

 SONG OF THE DAY. "Wild Child" by W.A.S.P.

 NOT STICKING TO SPORTS. It seems that the Zodiac Killer has been identified... A man sues A psychic who promised to remove his ex-girlfriend curse... A defendant attempts a citizen's arrest on a judge during an assault trial... Secret money, swanky real estate, and a Monte Carlo mystery... A man finally passes his drivers' test after 27 years of trying... A woman sues GEICO after getting an STD in the back of a car...

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