Nebraska's never been more glad to have its ass kicked on national television.
The last time Ohio State met Nebraska on the football field, the Buckeyes were up 38 points at the half and the poor corn folks had to hold onto their damn balloons for almost three quarters of play before performing their mass littering ritual.
It was an absolute bloodbath, and today's contest has a chance to be even worse. But regardless of the final score, you can bet Nebraska fans will be beaming like masochists because their team may get stuck through a meat processor, but at least they have a chance to play!
Honestly, I don't even really have much slander here. This week has been great. It's been a delightful change of pace to have your opponent thanking you profusely for securing their right to die a grizzly death at your hands.
So I guess let's just get this over with, Huskers, so you can join your head coach aboard our bandwagon and root for a title contender for a change. In return for your support, we promise to do the heavy lifting once more if football's existence is ever threatened again.
SATURDAY SLATE. Folks, Big Ten football is back!
|Mercer at Army||12:00pm||CBSSN|
|Rutgers at Michigan State||12:00pm||BTN|
|Nebraska at #5 Ohio State||12:00pm||FOX|
|Georgia Southern at #25 Coastal Carolina||12:00pm||ESPNU|
|Temple at Memphis||12:00pm||ESPN+|
|UTEP at Charlotte||12:00pm||ESPN+|
|Florida State at Louisville||12:00pm||RSN/ESPN3|
|#23 NC State at #14 North Carolina||12:00pm||ESPN|
|Syracuse at #1 Clemson||12:00pm||ACCN|
|Kansas at #20 Kansas State||12:00pm||FS1|
|Oklahoma at TCU||12:00pm||ABC|
|Auburn at Ole Miss||12:00pm||SECN|
|Southern Miss at Liberty||1:00pm||ESPN3|
|Tulane at UCF||2:00pm||ESPN2|
|Florida Atlantic at #22 Marshall||2:30pm||Stadium|
|#19 Virginia Tech at Wake Forest||3:30pm||RSN/ESPN3|
|Houston at Navy||3:30pm||CBSSN|
|Middle Tennessee at Rice||3:30pm||ESPN3|
|#3 Notre Dame at Pitt||3:30pm||ABC|
|Baylor at Texas||3:30pm||ESPN|
|#17 Iowa State at #6 Oklahoma State||3:30pm||FOX|
|#2 Alabama at Tennessee||3:30pm||CBS|
|Iowa at Purdue||3:30pm||BTN|
|#8 Penn State at Indiana||3:30pm||FS1|
|Chattanooga at WKU||4:00pm||ESPN3|
|Kentucky at Missouri||4:00pm||SECN|
|Georgia Tech at Boston College||4:00pm||ACCN|
|Georgia State at Troy||4:00pm||ESPNU|
|West Virginia at Texas Tech||5:30pm||ESPN2|
|South Carolina at LSU||7:00pm||ESPN|
|ULM at South Alabama||7:00pm||ESPN+|
|Utah State at Boise State||7:00pm||FS1|
|Wyoming at Nevada||7:00pm||CBSSN|
|Maryland at Northwestern||7:30pm||BTN|
|#18 Michigan at #21 Minnesota||7:30pm||ABC|
|Hawaii at Fresno State||7:30pm||KSEE24|
|Louisiana Tech at UTSA||8:00pm||ESPNU|
|Virginia at #11 Miami (FL)||8:00pm||ACCN|
|#9 Cincinnati at #16 SMU||9:00pm||ESPN2|
|Texas State at #12 BYU||10:15pm||ESPN|
|Air Force at San Jose State||10:30pm||FS1|
|UNLV at San Diego State||10:30pm||CBSSN|
FRIENDLY ADVERSARIES? It's been no secret that Ohio State and Nebraska have been on the same side for the past few months leading up to this game they each fought so hard to play.
We've been pals and allies, but with the dust all settled and football back in its proper place in our hearts and on our TVs, it's going to be interesting to see how long those friendly feelings last.
While the Nebraska-Ohio State bromance sounds good, it’s got to have a couple things to grow into something that lasts.
First, frequent games. Though this week will be the seventh meeting in 11 years, they are in opposite divisions. They could also meet in the Big Ten championship game, but the other Big Ten West teams, namely Wisconsin, will have something to say about it.
And Nebraska needs to be competitive. Beating Ohio State would help. Husker fans won’t get excited about reunions with the Buckeyes if they’re always on the short end.
“I think there’s respect there,” Moos said. “We need to get our brand back up. Ohio State’s there.”
"Beating Ohio State would help."
Uh, let's start by staying within 30 points today first, alright?
I mean, when your head coach is sarcastically bragging about keeping the game close for five minutes last year, you've gotta have the self-awareness to know what the real goals are here.
There is mutual respect in the sense that we're glad that you also wanted to play football (which should be a low bar to clear, alas...). But let's not pretend that's going to stop us from grinding your face in the gravel for 60 minutes every year.
QUICK PICKS. In two years, I have yet to even come close to posting a winning record on picks I share here, which means I have to be due! Probably!
Regardless, I ain't a quitter. So here are my 100 percent correct picks.
- Ohio State -26.5 against Nebraska. Before y'all get yourselves riled up about this, me picking Ohio State isn't bad juju. I mean, picking Ohio State last year is the only way my record was somewhat respectable last year because Ryan Day rode the covercraft all season long. And folks, he's gonna be back on it today because there's just no chance he waited this long for football only to not cover. Who do you think he is, Dabo?
- Syracuse +46.5 against Clemson. SPEAKING OF DABO. Look, if Clemson does the same thing it did last week and puts Dino Babers under a 72-point steam roller, then I'll just have to take my L. But this is just way too many points not to take. Syracuse may not be *good* but they're not Georgia Tech bad – in fact, they demolished Georgia Tech, too. Don't get me wrong, Clemson's going to get up fast in this game and it'll be over by the half, but then Dabo's going to take his foot off the gas like he always does. If Syracuse can score even once in this game, that could be enough to get the cover.
- Alabama -22 against Tennessee. Look. Everything about this screams that it's a trap, but if it is, I'm sauntering right on into it like I'm Indiana Jones grabbing a priceless prehistoric jewel from a sinister sacrificial altar. Maybe this is simplistic, but I simply do not have faith in a team that scored more points on behalf of the other team last week covering a three-touchdown spread against a team that beat Georgia – a good football team – by almost three touchdowns a week ago.
- North Carolina -14.5 against NC State. I don't think UNC is anywhere close to a top-5 or even a top-10 team, but I do think the Tar Heels are significantly better than they were against Florida State last week, and I think that showed in how they roared back in the second half. I think the UNC offense is going to come out firing early after a loss and this game won't really be all that close.
- Minnesota +2.5 against Michigan. I have no idea how Michigan is favored in this game. Minnesota returns seven starters on offense, including Tanner Morgan and Rashod Bateman. Michigan has a new quarterback, four new offensive linemen, and is missing three of its top four receivers from last season. I'm sure the Wolverine defense will be fine, but one of these teams is built to score points, and one isn't. And it's at Minnesota? Goldy's gonna roll.
SONG OF THE DAY. "Stronger" by Kanye West.
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