WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL YOUR HAPPY JAMARCOS BELONG TO THE GREAT STATE OF OHIO.
GOOD BISHOP JOHNSON!!!!!! IT'S ONLY RIGHT!!!!!!
THANK YOU, GOOD BISHOP, BUT WE AIN'T DONE YET.
REVEREND STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN — WHOM I TABBED YESTERDAY AS AN X-FACTOR — DO YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS?
Congratulations to coach Urban Meyer and the Ohio State University Buckeyes. 2015 National Champions. #OSU #Buckeyes #HellYeah
— Steve Austin (@steveaustinBSR) January 13, 2015
OH HELL YEAH.
NOW, WHO DO I THANK FIRST? MIGHT AS WELL START WITH BLIM-O:
#OhioState has run this play over-and-over...and #Oregon can't stop it: Bim-o (Power-o to weak side) #BuckeyesBangin pic.twitter.com/JNgh2ECKCQ
— Coy Wire (@CoyWire) January 13, 2015
BESIDES BLIM-O, I'M REAL THANKFUL RIGHT NOW FOR THE PLAYOFFS; WOW, WAS THAT OLD SYSTEM STUPID AS HELL. A DENIGRATED ROSE BOWL BID WOULD'VE BEEN A SLAP IN A FACE TO A TEAM OF THIS CALIBER.
THE 56TH BEST PART OF THE GAME? THE CRAB OF CHRISTMAS PAST — JAMEIS WINSTON — WATCHED IT FROM HIS COUCH, AND NICK SABAN WATCHED IT FROM HIS BABY BOOSTER SEAT IN THE ALABAMA WILDERNESS.
@marion_ohio @ramzy @edsbs this is a championship in Germany pic.twitter.com/7ticT2IVMy
— Josh Tooman (@2man419) January 13, 2015
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THAT CHAMPIONSHIP LOOKS AS CRISPY IN GERMANY AS IT DOES ON THE NEAR EAST SIDE.
It was Ohio against the world. Ohio won. pic.twitter.com/0W0PA8gsWr
— Eleven Warriors (@11W) January 13, 2015
THEY. WEREN'T. READY.
#SHOUTOUT TO THE SLOBS. Ezekiel Elliott — the best collegiate running back in America and the 2015 Heisman front-runner — was rightfully crowned last night's MVP, but give some dang props to Ohio State's offensive line. I'm not arrogant enough to say I'd have logged 246 yards behind that line last night... but I could've posted a crisp 25.
And not only does Ohio State get back a majority of the slobberin' hogs, Ezekiel Elliott and Ed Warinner will also be back. Yesterday, when I appeared on Oregon NPR to warn that pitiful outpost of the coming reckoning, I said OSU fandom is so easy it feels like cheating.
That was before Cardale Jones quarterbacked Ohio State to its 8th national title.
ALL HAIL KING CARDALE. Cardale Jones! Cardale Jones! State of Ohio, Cardale Jones!
The odds of my first bastard son being christened "Cardale?" Vegas pulled those odds midway through the third quarter last night.
And while the Dolodozer previously said he'd return next season, he walked back from that a bit in the immediate aftermath of his conquest.
From Bryan Fischer of NFL.com:
"I'm not going to say 'definitely,'" Jones said. "(The NFL) is something that I'll consider. My most important focus is getting my degree."
If that was the last time the Glenville Bully ever loaded up his 12 chambers of death for the Scarlet and Gray then that man deserves a 12 Loko salute:
Cardale Jones the left. Michael Thomas on the right. #ForkUnionMilitaryAcademy pic.twitter.com/gAlX549fl0
— Buckeye Legion (@BuckeyeLegion) January 13, 2015
FUCK, I JUST SHED A TEAR.
THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER BUCKEYE LIKE DOLODALE, FIRST OF HIS NAME, SAVIOR OF THE SEASONS, AND ONE TRUE IRON KING OF THE GREAT STATE OF OHIO.
I'VE NEVER DONE METH, BUT THANKS TO CARDALE'S FIVE-WEEK BLINDER I'D NOW FAIL THAT TEST WORSE THAN ONE WRITTEN IN THAT CALCULUS LANGUAGE. AND HELL, I SAW THIS STORM COMING SIX LEAGUES OFF THE COAST.
(DO I NEED TO SPELL THIS ONE OUT IN CRAYON FOR YOU, CLEVELAND BROWNS? BECAUSE I WILL.)
GET YOU SOME GLORY, JACOB JARVIS. If all the Happy Jamarcos belong to college football's new throne, all the Pulitzers belong to USA Today for this photo:
Pay that boy (and his brother) their rings. It's only right.
I THINK THIS IS THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF IRONY. Urban has to do it, right? A general can't welch.
Jeff Heuerman told me Urban Meyer told team if it beat Oregon he would get a tattoo on upper arm.
— Tim May (@TIM_MAYsports) January 13, 2015
Urban should get a Block O back mural, Sons of Anarchy style. Recruits love UniFormZ? Wait until they get load of that.
LET US PRAY FOR ALL THE SALTY DADS OUT THERE. Ohio State won the big game last night, which made a lot of people happy. Unfortunately, it also upset some #dads out there:
My dad is so pissed. Ohio state beat both his favorite teams in these last 2 games
— Sydney Kaminski (@sydski414) January 13, 2015
my dad hates OSU & i just started yelling fuck the ducks & he looked at me & told me to get out of the house in all seriousness... lol
— Laura Sharkin (@LauraSharkin) January 13, 2015
My dad is so pissed at Ohio state right now
— Hann (@hannahh_211) January 13, 2015
My dad's hella pissed rn ahaha I told you boiii #OSU finna take it all
— Beather_l (@beather425) January 13, 2015
My dad is sitting here yelling cause Oregon is losing. He is an Auburn fan? Stay true
— Landon Eddy (@Landon_Eddy7) January 13, 2015
My dad doesn't usually get into football games, but he's yelling at the ducks right now that's how you know they're doing bad
— Anne Gorsek (@annegorsek) January 13, 2015
Tilt of the cap to the salty #dads, Marcus Mariota, Oregon, and its fans. They were an honorable foe, but Destiny is also an undisputed champion.
THOSE WMDs. NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP CARMEN OHIO... I'll get high on this lockerroom celebration video until November... OSU championship regalia... King of the Slobs is Happy Jamarco... Oh yeah, OSU picked up a commitment from 2016's No. 1 RB... UNDISPUTED.
