Monday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on December 15, 2014 at 6:00 am
noah brown about to block a badger into the next dimension
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The rumors are true: I was at Johnny Football's NFL debut, and the highlight of the game was talking to Ed from Erie(?) who works at a nuclear power plant. 

Watching my hipster brother get his skull crushed with a baseball bat in a Nevada cornfield would've been much more entertaining than what I witnessed yesterday at Whatever the Hell They're Calling Cleveland Browns Stadium these days. 

The Browns were down 7-0 before I even got to my seat. I got heckled by a man who once woke up and decided to buy an Andy Dalton jersey. Honestly, I was surprised Marvin Lewis wasn't sitting naked in my living room watching Taiwanese-animiated porn with my girlfriend when I got home.

But you know what? Glory be to the city of Cleveland. It's undoubtedly the crown jewel of human civilization (outside of the kingdom of Marion, obvii). Every time I'm #blessed to be within Cleveland's graces, I ask myself... "Why don't I live here?" (Truth be told: It's because I don't do cold winter winds of the lake well.)

(Potentially nuclear) winters aside: May Cleveland, a quintessential Ohio city,  stand for another millennium. The Browns will win a Super Bowl before the Bengals, and that's all I'm going to say about that. #Browns

BUCKEYE NATION IS COMING FOR YOU NAWLINS. One reason Ohio State was always a lock for the playoffs (if it handled its business) is Ohio State rolls deep. If the Devil tested Ohio's finest in the nineteenth circle of Hell... Buckeye fans would sell the 110,000 soul arena out within minutes.

(Buckeye fans also apparently shit money, because they're gobbling up tickets, that, on average, cost $458.)

Ohio State might enter as an underdog, and Columbus might be farther from New Orleans than Tuscaloosa... but you won't be able to tell that by the game's atmosphere. 

From Steve Wartenberg of The Columbus Dispatch:

Buckeyes fans will travel great distances to watch their football team play, and now it will be easier for a couple of hundred fans to get to New Orleans for the College Football Playoff semifinal against Alabama on Jan. 1.

Normally, there are no direct flights between Columbus and New Orleans, but Delta Air Lines and US Airways have each scheduled one set of flights between the two cities to accommodate those attending the game.

The flights depart Port Columbus on Dec. 31 and return on Jan. 2. Direct flights on chartered flights are also available through packages offered by local travel agents.

I tend to avoid jealousy, but I have no problem admitting I am jealous of all the millionaires going to New Orleans for New Year's Eve and the Sugar Bowl, because New Orleans is definitely a town I need to witness. 

#HERMANWATCH. All season I thought Tom Herman would stay for another year at Ohio State, but the cat is out of the bag.

From Zac Jackson of FoxSports.com:

Ohio State's offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach is a genius -- really; he's a MENSA member -- but more importantly, Herman is a quarterback genius. And of all the criteria all of these athletic directors and search firms and big-spending boosters want in their new coaches, shouldn't an ability to teach, recruit and develop quarterbacks be atop any list in today's game?

Coaches need facilities, big budgets, good assistant coaches and lots of power to succeed. They need great quarterback play as much as any of those.

Herman has proven he can bring that. He got it at Rice -- "with doctors and lawyers," he's said more than once -- and got it atIowa State and he's totally changed everything about offensive football at Ohio State in a short time. He's from California, has done a bunch of coaching in Texas and has both recruited and inherited quarterbacks from Texas, Ohio, California and Floridaand turned a bunch of them into winners.

(I did not know Tom Herman was a MENSA member; that definitely makes you think.)

Tulsa passed on Herman (or Herman passed on Tulsa), and I would have been furious to lose Herman to a program like Tulsa (not the worst job but eh), but this latest report is troubling to me.

From Travis Haney of ESPN.com:

The University of Houston spoke this week with Ohio State co-offensive coordinator Tom Herman, multiple sources with knowledge of the search have told ESPN.com. 

They added that the 39-year-old Herman impressed athletic director Mack Rhoades and the school’s administration. 

Those familiar with the program say it is looking for someone to again make its offense as explosive as it was when Texas A&M’s Kevin Sumlin and Baylor’s Art Briles were at UH. 

Kevin Sumlin is obviously the blueprint of any coach looking to take the Houston job, and I think Herman will end up being better than Sumlin.

In the end, Ohio State fans' best chances of retaining Herman are 1) Tom Herman doesn't believe he's yet ready for a head coaching job and is just keeping his interviewing skills sharp or 2) Houston passes on Herman because it refuses to wait for Ohio State to finish its playoff run.

Otherwise, Tom Herman to Houston makes too much sense.

MORE YOUTH COMETH. People love talking about Ohio State's youthful contributions... but they forget there is still more young talent waiting in the depths. Two examples of that came from the same high school.

From Bill Landis of Cleveland.com:

Dante [Booker] has always been a team player, but sometimes there's a learning curve there," said Dan Boarman, Booker's high school coach at St. Vincent-St. Mary. "You're at Ohio State, and he understands that. He's contributing in his own way right now, and I'm sure that as time goes on and he matures it's going to be even bigger. I know he's very happy there. I think the prospects for him playing there are very good."

Boarman feels the same way about Booker's high school teammate and fellow Ohio State freshman Parris Campbell. Moved from running back to receiver when he got to Columbus, Campbell redshirted this season while battling some injury issues.

Campbell had surgery on his left shoulder on Dec. 5 according to the Twitter account of his mother Shelly Woodruff. Before that, Campbell was making a name for himself as a member of Ohio State's scout team. He started the week of the Big Ten Championship playing the role of Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon in practice, according to Booker.

I said back in August: Urban Meyer recruits on a different level than the Big Ten, and it would be laid bare this fall. (The rests on that front, Your Honor.)

The Big Ten better catch up and they better catch up quick. Because if they think the iron reign of Jim Tressel was ulcer-inducing, they aren't ready for the totalitarian dictatorship of Urban Meyer. 

FAN EXPERIENCES. I've attended two football games in the last week, and one thing that struck me during both games is how much time is reserved for players idly standing around awaiting some television goon's okay to proceed.

And it's no secret some schools are struggling with attendance, but some programs are getting creative in order to fuel fans' connection with their team.

From Richard Sandomir of The New York Times (via @Ramzy):

Some of the auctions have been won for less than $100, others for thousands of dollars. The record price on the site run by CBS Sports was $15,800, for sideline passes and entry to a party before Southern California’s 2008 football game against Ohio State.

[...]

The market is not limited to top-ranked programs — a bidder paid $1,000 this year to play golf with Shane Davis, the men’s volleyball coach at Loyola Chicago — but it should come as no surprise that some of the nation’s most successful football programs are among the busiest participants.

Susan Staats Sidwell, a lifelong Alabama fan, said she could barely speak when she won the right to meet Crimson Tide Coach Nick Saban on the set of his weekly radio show in 2011. “It sounded like I was crying,” she said.

I honestly don't know how I would react if I met Nick Saban. If I walked out of a Chili's bathroom and Nick Saban was drinking some end-of-the-recruiting-cycle margarita at the end of the bar and we made eye contact... I don't know what I'd do.

I'd like to think I'd be like, "Hey you're Nick Saban." And then he'd say, "I know." And I'd be like, "Welp, Roll Tide or whatever" and then he would kill me with his mind powers.

I do not think he would be a fan of me.

BUT ARE THEY MICHIGAN MEN? Yesterday I witnessed a Michigan Man get asked who their next coach was. He was dead set on Harbaugh (Michigan smirk and all). Boy, is that guy in for a tough pill to swallow.

From Scoutt Roussell of FootballScoop.com:

Most of the senior leadership within Michigan athletics and on their board of regents now understand that Jim Harbaugh is unlikely to come to Michigan and I am told Hackett has been told it will be acceptable to hire a “college coach” before the end of the NFL season if he finds the one he is willing to stand behind.

Per sources, Hackett and his staff have discussed both Jim Mora and Dan Mullen with the Regents. Sources in Michigan that I have spoken with believe that if either Mora or Mullen were willing to come, then Hackett would support those hires.

If Michigan were smart it'd hire Tom Herman. Outside of Harbaugh, its next best plan is Dan Mullen. He's a disciple of Urban Meyer. He's already proven he can win in backwater specks of dirt. He's proven he can develop players.

Make no mistake: Dan Mullen would be good for Michigan.

Mora? I would laugh so hard if Michigan hired Jim Mora. The last time Michigan did this dance, it had the choice of Kevin Sumlin and Brady Hoke. While Texas A&M's shine was diminished this season, no athletic director interested in keeping his job would choose Hoke over Sumlin.

Mullen and Mora is a similar choice, and it's obvious who I'm rooting for Michigan to hire.

THOSE WMDs. How cat lovers killed Cat Fancy... Deadspin's Drew Magary crushed this #take on Clowney's surgery... The best book covers of 2014...  The Untold Story of the Doodler Murders... Why giraffes are in danger of extinction... The origins of O.M.G. traced to Winston Churchill.

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