For years, D.J. Byrnes of Piqua has polluted the great minds of Eleven Warriors’ readers with stories of the home of Captain Underpants. Around this time last year, he published his manifesto.
He has spread lies about the great city of Troy for far too long, and I'm here, as a humble Son of Troy, to set the record straight.
It would be one thing if Piqua was a better city than Troy. It’s not. Troy has a far better downtown area, school system, location, bowling team, etc. Troy has it better than That-Town-Up-North in every aspect.
The Piqua Mall has been uninhabited for the last decade. The city’s dining options consist of McDonald’s and Unos. Troy brings in more than 100,000 people for its annual Strawberry Festival while Piqua’s main draw is a movie theater and the overrated, but still decent haberdashery Barclay's.
Byrnes’ dying words will probably be that Troy illegitimately bribed the state legislature into giving them the county seat, but maybe the people of Troy just know how to throw a better party than the the “Atomic City.”
The people of Troy and Piqua could argue for years to decide which city is superior (Troy is the correct, unbiased answer), but the true answer to that debate will be settled tonight on the football field. Well, at least for the next 12 months or so.
The two teams will face off at 7 p.m. in Piqua for the 134th time, making it Ohio’s most-played rivalry game. Troy leads the all-time series 64–63–6 and has won the last two matchups, 37-14 and 32-6.
Tonight, the 8–1 Trojans will make the eight-mile journey up the Great Miami seeking their third division title in as many years. Troy is led by senior running back Jayden Culp-Bishop. Run JCB leads the Greater Western Ohio Conference in rushing yards, amassing an insane total of 1,739 through nine games. The senior is coming off a 399-yard effort, the third-best mark in school history. Oh, he also found the end zone six times.
Typically, I would preview the other team here, but what’s the point? They will not be able to stop Culp-Bishop, and the Men of Troy have one of the best defenses in the conference. The fans should just pray that the Indians will be able to keep it within two touchdowns.
To conclude, best of luck tonight to the noble Troy Trojans as they face-off against the vile Piqua Indians. It’s time to extend the all-time lead and finish the season with another division title and playoff berth.
Say hello to doom, Mr. Byrnes.