Living in KC and watching the dumpster fire that is the Patriots lose to a depleted KC Chiefs team...and watching the dumpster fire that is UM football...I expertly discerned the truth:

In an effort to win the PR war and save his job, Dave Brandon has engaged in secret negotiations to make Tom Brady (a PR dream of a a Michigan man) the next head advertiser...errr...coach of UM football.  Apparently, his wife will oversee all aspects of the game day program, going with a Brazilian Carnivale theme (per sources).

Tom Brady has agreed to tank the Patriots season to speed up this process.  After all, UM has tickets to sell...errr....games to win.

It all makes sense now. Dave Brandon has serious powers, you guys.