Monday Skull Session

By D.J. Byrnes on July 29, 2013 at 6:00 am
RT @Goons_TXT: Electricity costs me $0 because I live with my parents. [...] It's effectively an advance on my inheritance.

It's July 29th in the year 2013 of our Lord and Savior and 29th President of the United States, Warren Gamaliel Harding; may He save us all.

The intro banger is usually my favorite part of these Skull Sessions to type, but for whatever reason, I have been staring at an empty canvas for like an hour and a half.

There are some things I could rant/riff about, like Americans who take pictures of food/drinks and upload them to the internet. (Unless you stalked and butchered the animal you're eating, it's not impressive and nobody cares, and nobody cares about the fancy IPA you bought at a bar outside your hometown either.) Yet, those types of winds just aren't blowing into my sails.

Perhaps it's best everyone is saved from my self-righteous rambling as there is quite a bit of news to dispense.

BIG MEECH COMES HOME. Demetrius Knox, the 4-star lineman (and 11W user) who was born in Ohio and raised in Texas, has decided to come back to the Buckeye State. Yesterday, the 6'4" 287 lbs Fort Worth, Texas, prospect became the 15th commitment of Ohio State's 2014 class:

Knox is one of the best offensive line prospects in the country, and with Jamarco Jones, Kyle Trout and Marcelys Jones, the offensive line will have a stable of war horses for the foreseeable future.

And shoutout to Jeremy Birmingham, silky photographerwho smoked everyone on this scoop and is apparently pretty good at his job:

JOHNNY MANZIEL OWNS HATERZ ON TWITTER. My stance on Johnny Football is well known. But basically, I love him because he annoys the right people. Do you need proof of that? I offer the following exchanges:

See? And touché to Manziel for taking to social media and giving sanctimonious sportswriters and trolls a dose of their own medicine. I hope J-Football comes out and drops bombs on the competition this year. While I think Alabama is going to revenge-fuck the Aggies on September 14th, I would love to be wrong. I would also love for Manziel to ball outrageous this year and prove to people drinking beer as a 20-year-old isn't a crime worthy of throwing him in Guantanamo Bay.

If Manziel was as big of cancer as some think he is, I think Kevin Sumlin would have dropped the hammer on him by now. He hasn't, which to me means Johnny Football's antics are writing checks his talent easily cashes. ROCK ON, JOHNNY, AND STAY FROSTY.

RT @dril: wassup. yoda here. froum "Starwars".  i m here to rep pro-ana. remember to eat paper instead of food. may the force be with u . thank youOSU/USA legend Jesse Owens stuntin' on them dog Nazis.

GREG ODEN TO DECIDE SOON.  Greg Oden, Beliber, who despite the jokes is only 25 years-old is set to make his NBA comeback this fall. According to ESPN's Mark Stein, Oden has looked spry and lean in various workouts for NBA teams.

Greg Oden will always be my dude for two reasons. 1) He was the first athlete who I saw doing big things on national television and realized "Holy hell, that guy is younger than I am." 2) Last fall, I saw him during an Ohio State game at Little Bar. Instead of letting the poor guy chill and sip on his suds, he was mauled by idiot fans and picture hounds eager to prove to their friends they once stood in the same building as a famous person. Oden is not that kinda guy, as anyone who actually pays attention to Ohio State athletics knows. I seriously felt terrible for the guy as he miserably went through through the process of taking pictures with drunk people.

A lot of athletes are egotistical and for good reason. Greg Oden has never struck me like that. In fact, Oden has always struck me as as a chill-ass dude. Unless he comes back and is the talisman of 3-4 championship teams (unlikely), he will always be the subject of unfair punch lines because of his draft position (as if his body didn't betray him entirely). 

If there is any justice in the world, Oden will come back hard this winter and become a solid NBA player for as long as he chooses to play in the NBA. He certainly doesn't lack for options due to his workouts:

HOW TO FLIP A RECRUIT FROM AUBURN TO ALABAMA. This comes from the folks at WarBlogle. Dee Liner was at one time a 4-star commitment to Auburn. That was until he decommitted, eliminated the Tigers, and ended up signing with the Crimson Tide of Alabama. What caused that? Perhaps this (since-deleted) Instagram picture offers a little bit of insight: 

RT @wolfpupy: my life is all about getting strong and powerful and then marching on down to hell to challenge satan for the throne

That's an impressive wad of cash for an unemployed college freshman.

THOSE WMDs. John Adams' seven best insults... Night owls are more likely to have the "dark triad" of personality traits... The most apocalyptic sky ever obviously happened in Michigan... A story on Michael Dyer's red flags and how he (like any amateur could) got screwed by Auburn... 97 year-old grandpa creates wonders in MSPaint... Last week was the 40th anniversary of Ohio's famous soapbox derby cheating scandal...  Jeffrey Loria: Marlins owner and disgusting human being... Dennis Rodman and Quinn Pitcock standing next to each other... Can Diamond Dallas Page Save Wrestling's Walking Dead?... The Secret Service Agent Who Collared Cybercrooks by Selling Them Fake IDs... 50 Cent - Life's on the Line... The Iron Throne as George R.R. Martin envisioned it... The other, lesser known Marionaire who ran for President... When Ohio hosted warfare like the Congo... When America needed the Panama Canal built, it turned to Marion, Ohio... The Utah Blaze had a great TD celebration... The Starcat is too silky... Mike Adams is ready for training camp seven weeks after being stabbed... 

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