Requiem for a Social Life

By Luke Zimmermann on July 15, 2009 at 2:00 pm
LiC Football 10
(H/T: BigDMo9999 for his brilliant custom tOSU NCAA10 covers.)

“No, it’s not you, it’s me.”

“I think we should spend some time apart, after all we can’t be happy together until we can be happy by ourselves.”

“Honey, I think it’d be better for me to stay home with the baby and for you to get out of the house and back towards pursuing your dreams. It’s not fair for our little blessing to stand in the way of what you’ve already worked so hard for.”

Practice these lines with me. Learn to say them with conviction. As of yesterday, July 14th, 2009, your life has transitioned from that post-Steeletide (the magical day when Phil Steele’s annual hits bookshelves nationwide) lull into the time vortex where from the moment you put in NCAA Football 10 for the first time until the throbbing pain in your head cathartically subsides the morning of January 8, 2010 at way-too-early A.M., every waking (and most sleeping) moment will be spent finding ways to kill time from one football saturated moment to another.

Things like girlfriends/boyfriends, wives/husbands, children, and bills have no place in your life any longer. Jobs are necessary, but only because they are able to command a chunk of time-killing unequaled by any other calendar place holder, and also make ESPN GamePlan a fiscal reality. So while you waste time overanalyzing if this a good idea or not, allow me to peer pressure you into a more personally lucrative decision: you can take the blue pill and go back to the boring minutiae of going through the motions like you do everyday, or you can take the red pill, and see what this year’s social life crippling gateway drug has to offer.

It goes without saying that in every edition of the game from one year to the next, somethings will thrill you to no end (the continued improvement of the best online dynasty for any sports game out there today, full 1080p for the time in the series, Erin Andrews Erin Andrews Erin Andrews), while others will leave you spending a moment (just a moment, you’ve got achievements to unlock) wondering why you forked over $59.99 that could’ve been invested or some such long term high yield, short term no pleasure producing activity (no package specific substitution settings, bizarre, unnecessary instant replay reviews that leave you breathless after your only touchdown in a 7-69 route, pay-per-DLC cheats for online dynasties [uber-WTF]). A few things that make this game the best offering on the next gen platforms to date:

  • The massive time drainer extraordinaire Team Builder. For those who’ve somehow missed the boat, EA Sports is now offering an incredibly in-depth, outside-the-console means of generating, creating, and editing your own custom teams from a web based platform, restoring a feature that many fans had been lobbying for for some time now.
  • Improved physics, more realistic line play, and the actual setting up of plays with previous plays called (i.e. running a dive twice in a drive then running the same as a play action for a pass creates a greater likely hood of the latter succeeding) adds upon the previous generation’s overall feel for an improved overall experience.
  • Did we mention Team Builder? Seriously. These teams can even be used for Online Dynasties (enough of a reason to abandon your family and start a new in a strange new town with nothing but a high speed internet connection, a 360, and the game already) by creating a new offline dynasty and importing your created team to replace an existing school, then exporting that file to EA's servers as an Online Dynasty. Instantaneous Capital Crusaders v. Poop Shoot U. Fart Layers online against your favorite graduates of each.
  • The jingoistic Season Showdown, which allows you to ally yourself with a school of your choice (ahem, tOSU, ahem) and have every action you make or don’t make count towards the overall success of the school. The format is such that over the course of the entire season, you’ll be able to play online games the week the actual Buckeyes take on their opponents against that team, and depending on the results, certain metrics (sportsmanship, overall skill, strategy, and the like), the entire school is rewarded. You can also accumulate points while at your other job (you know, besides playing NCAA10) by answering college football themed trivia in a fashion not unlike XBox Live’s other recent potentially life ruining addiction, 1 vs 100 Live.

If you haven’t already begun to ice your bathtub in preparation to hock a major organ on craigslist to pay for that new 360/PS3 and your shiny new copy of NCAA10, here's a collection of tOSU themed importable Custom Stadium Sounds to make your game even more frighteningly realistic. “Buckeye Battle Cry” for Big Conversions/Stops, “Hell’s Bells” for 3rd/4th down defensive stands, “Neutron Dance” for time outs, and Hang on Sloopy for the start of the 4th quarter. I even threw in “Woke Up This Morning” for kickoffs, assuming Pettrey keeps Pretorious’ Sopranos homage alive. Finally, for those seeking to humble themselves, feel free to seek me out on XBox Live under the gamertag LZeezy, and we’ll be sure to further embrace our mutual dissent from the ability to function in public places.