The Big Ten Tournament kicks off today, and Ohio State's men's basketball team finds itself in an unusual position: playing on the first day. The Basketbucks take on last-place Purdue (redundant, I know) today at 2:25 on BTN. (Kyle will be through with a preview in a couple of hours.)
Two years and five days ago, I wrote a Hater's Guide to Big Ten Expansion. As is with every piece of rambling, semi-coherent writing I've ever done by the internet: I stand by the gist of what I said; the Big Ten should be just that.
I singled out Iowa (along with Penn State) as schools fit for being booted out of the conference. If I wrote that piece again, I'd still be in favor of booting Penn State, but I'd definitely replace Iowa with Purdue.
Purdue is the worst. They're from the most boring part of the most boring state in the Union. How did they even get an invite to a party? "But we're an engineering school!" Engineer some W's, you bums.
Their peak is being competitive in basketball two years out of every decade. They haven't been competitive in football since George W. Bush's first term.
Do the honorable thing, Purdue, and just go away. Quit siphoning tens of millions of dollars from this conference.
Please use the #BanPurdue hashtag on all social media posts today. We must raise awareness.
YSU NOMINATED TRESSEL FOR HALL OF FAME. As most of you probably remember, our beloved former coach, James Patrick Tressel, will be on the 2014 ballot to be enshrined in the College Football Hall of Fame.
It turns out Tressel was nominated not by Ohio State, but by Youngstown State. From Cleveland.com:
Tressel was nominated by Youngstown State, not Ohio State. A coach or player has to be nominated by a school or National Football Foundation chapter. The nomination is vouching for the person, a first level of vetting that says we know this guy well and in our opinion he is a worthy Hall of Fame candidate. The person's entire record is what they are evaluated on, so Tressel is judged by his 15 years at Youngstown State and his 10 years at Ohio State. But it's interesting to note that his old school, where some people wouldn't mind hiring him as president, jumped at the chance to nominate Tressel the first time he was eligible. Ohio State did not do that.
Tatgate could delay the inevitable, but I think it's interesting Youngstown State was the school that nominated him and not Ohio State. I wish the Buckeyes had done it, if only to elicit articles of concern trolling from the usual silk handkerchief-wavers in the media idiot gallery.
Also, Jim Tressel being out of coaching for three years is pretty frightening. I feel like I was 16 only a month ago. Let's move on so I don't have to dwell on this.
DEMOTED MUSBERGER SPEAKS. I'll draw some heat for this, but whatever: I LIKE BRENT MUSBERGER; *brandishes shiv* COME AT ME, BROS.
In seriousness though, I've always liked his folksy nature, his calls and his blatant gambling references on national TV. If that makes me corny, I'll be that.
Yesterday, however, it broke Brent Musberger had been kicked off ABC's national title telecast and their Saturday Night Football franchise. Musberger, you see, is being put out to pasture on the SEC Network (his analyst will be the perpetually-tanned Jesse Palmer).
Yesterday, he spoke to Sports Illustrated's Richard Deitsch:
"I'm enthused about doing SEC games," Musburger said. "This is not, 'Oh my goodness, I'm not doing the national championship game.' I'm going to spend that night, in fact, with my wife and sons in Montana. We'll sell (betting) squares, and have a great time. I'm in a very good place. I'm an old guy with a three-year contract and I can afford to buy my own beer."
[...]
"When they told me they were going to make a move, they told me in the next sentence that we want you to be the lead play-by-play guy of the SEC Network," Musburger said. "Skipper said, 'Brent, we want to make this happen with the SEC Network.' I told John, joking, that my brother (Todd) is my attorney but I'm the tough guy. We laughed about it but what are you going to do? Todd had said to John a few weeks earlier: 'John, Brent deserves at least to know what direction you are heading in.' So that's how it went down.
"Obviously, I was disappointed I was not going to be doing one of the semifinals and the final. I'm not going to mislead anyone with that and I have told Skipper and Wildhack the same thing. But I also know that was not going to change anything. It was time to take a different challenge and move on. Did I sit around and cry about it? Absolutely not. There's no need for me to look back. I have to look forward."
Yes, even in demotion, Brent Musberger is still an upbeat guy and more-than-able to shoehorn a gambling reference into the conversation. Doesn't your heart warm thinking about Grandpa Musberger, IPA in hand, wearing a wool sweater around his Montana cabin on the frozen shores of Lake Flathead and introducing the next generation of Musbergers into the world of sports gambling? COOLEST. GRANDPA. EVER.
Happy trails, Brent! You were always a cool dude, and it sucks you've been demoted to the graveyard that will be the SEC Network. I say graveyard because I will never watch the SEC Network and sadly, you are now dead to me.
SELFIECEPTION. Have you ever caught somebody taking a selfie? It's the creepiest shit ever. And that's without mentioning the person's process of going through all of them — there are always multiple selfies per sitting — before deciding which picture is the absolute best one to upload to the internet.
Here's the thing: Nobody cares. Unless you're a hot chick, in which case the caring is only deep enough to last until the blood returns to the brain.
The word "selfie" is enough to make me reach for the nearest bottle of antifreeze, so imagine my disgust when I found out the Kalamazoo Grizzlies, a collegiate summer team, is forcing their team to wear a jersey made up entirely of selfies during their "Salute to Selfies" night in July.
I. Want. To. Die.
But if you're a raging narcissist who finds selfies as a fun way to kill time, you can submit your wretched picture here.
DOTTIE SANDUSKY, PLEASE STOP TALKING. I used to feel some sort of sympathy for Dottie Sandusky, if only because I couldn't imagine the horror of finding out you were married to a sociopathic child molester. That was until yesterday, when I read snippets of her interview with the Today Show:
“Do I believe him?’’ she told Matt Lauer. “I definitely believe him. Because if I didn’t believe him, when I testified at trial, I could have not said what I said. I would have had to tell the truth.”
[...]
“I think it was, they were manipulated, and they saw money,’’ she said. “Once lawyers came into the case, they said there was money.”
I guess denying the basic facts of reality is one way to deal with the pain of realizing you were married to a guy who abused children in your own house.
Marriage: not even once, kids.
LOUISIANA SENATE IS FED UP. Ain't no Bammers flying their stupid colors on Louisiana state property. From the New Orleans Times-Picayune:
Bama fans lurking in the Pelican State's bayous won't get a chance to sport their team logo on a Louisiana driver's license.
Senate Bill 138 allowing for placement of state university logos on driver's licenses or ID cards passed favorably Wednesday (March 12) by the Senate transportation committee. But the bill, sponsored by Sen. Fred Mills Jr., R-New Iberia, didn't pass the first of a four-step process before it's signed into law without a critical amendment pitched by committee member Sen. David Heitmeier, D-New Orleans.
"I just don't want to see any University of Alabama (logos)," Heitmeier said, after proposing an amendment limiting the bill to logos of schools in Louisiana. Mills shot back, "I don't think they'd sell any, but I'm fine with it."
The bill was approved with the attached amendment, and will now go to the full Senate for a vote.
Costing the state extra proceeds in the name of bipartisan sports hubris... I can dig it.
THOSE WMDs. THAT'S HOW WE DO IN AMERICA, YOU STUPID FISH... These photographs from Chernobyl are not for the faint of heart... Eight features the NFL made EA Sports remove from the Madden franchise... The man they call DIDIER... When you see it... Marion cops arrest 22 drug traffickers, tell others to take a number... The best headline/suspect sketch combo ever... MARYLAND IS EN ROUTE Y'ALL... Chinese satellite finds floating objects in suspected site of missing jetliner... Guiton wants his NFL shot... Boyd Crowder owns Michigan Man Robert Quarles...
