Blood Everywhere

By Ramzy Nasrallah on May 7, 2014 at 11:15a
68 Comments

My tonsils have been trying to kill me for decades.

They were abnormally large when I was a child, but my pediatrician during the late 1970s refused to remove them on account of them appearing to be healthy.

Around the same time there was public backlash against pediatric tonsillectomies as it was alleged doctors performed them unnecessarily in order to bill for the procedure. This year I turned 40, and my tonsils - my freakishly large, but healthy tonsils - often meet each other halfway across my airway while I’m sleeping to form a seal.

That kind of organ betrayal can kill you, and after years of telling myself it’s too late to do anything now my doctor told me I should have them removed - regardless of what I’ve heard about adult tonsillectomies.

When you're a kid it's a relative cakewalk: A three-day popsicle orgy while staying home from school. Conversely, you should only Google “adult tonsillectomy” if you are interested in an endless stream of horror stories. Recovery is significantly more challenging much in the same way that it’s easier to chop down a sapling than it is to remove an oak tree that’s been growing roots for decades.

So I was now faced with enduring what should have been a cakewalk 35 years ago, all because my pediatrician didn’t think it was prudent to make just two more cuts while I was already under anesthesia for an adenoidectomy that he deemed necessary. That fucking guy.

Google “adult tonsillectomy” if you are interested in an endless stream of horror stories.

I was told to take two full weeks off from work; the required incubation period for adults preparing for release into a tonsil-free lifestyle. For chronic sufferers like me the eventual perks include “swallowing food only once” and “not constantly clearing your throat” and of course “sleeping on your back without suffocating or dying.” The price of this freedom is that recovery period which I was promised would be extremely painful and a test of my emotional stability.

Another funny thing about tonsillectomy healing: Sleeping is bad. This may seem counterintuitive, but sleeping means you’re not hydrating, and not hydrating results in the cauterized scabs in the back of your throat tightening. There is no amount of scheduled narcotic that can ease the pain this causes without causing you to vomit - which, as you might imagine, also hurts like hell. #sophieschoice

Second, distraction: Since sleep is the enemy, I was going to need to be awake and constantly absorbed by anything other than the pain. Reading requires focus and lucidity, so television would do all of the heaving lifting here. I never got on board with Breaking Bad when it aired (I know, I know) so I was excited to consume that entire 62-episode series.

down goes ohio
This is what "Beating Ohio" looks like. cc: Brady Hoke

It also seemed appropriate to overdose on a mini-series centered around drugs while full of drugs. The key to enduring recovery is two-fold: One, hydration. Those scabs need to heal and gently slough off to complete healing. Not being hydrated means they could chunk off, which could lead to complications like bleeding. [CUE OMINOUS FORESHADOWING MUSIC]

And, of course, college football. My DVR is full of it, the Internet is a milky football bosom that never dries and I still own a VCR only because of the VHS library I accumulated during the 1990s.

My agenda was set: 1) Rip these germ-filled death magnets out of my neck and get sent home with enough narcotics to tranquilize a pachyderm 2) Shovel frozen dessert confections into my face like calories don’t exist 3) Watch all of Breaking Bad and as much college football as time allows.

I was actually looking forward to it, as I loathe my tonsils and love doing nothing. Here’s how last week went.

Monday, April 28

You lay down on a table, you go to sleep, you wake up confused: This is how successful surgeries go down and mine played out accordingly.

The two spaces where my giant tonsils had wreaked havoc for most of my life were replaced big white patches where the surgeon had cauterized the holes they left behind. Surgical site closure is challenging with tonsillectomy so they basically burn the shit out of it and let your throat heal that way.

I felt no adverse effects from the anesthesia, but I could not speak at all.  After eight Flavor Ices they were satisfied with my appearance and sent me home. I went straight to the couch with a 64-ounce peach slushy from Sonic. 

Breaking Bad, Season One

It was only seven episodes; shortened by a writer's strike. I’ve heard it gets better, which is good because I require more distraction than this. Seemed like the entire first season was dedicated to character development and backstory. I ate an entire tub of Neopolitan ice cream.

the beginning
Ohio State vs. Michigan - 2013

Michigan’s offense couldn’t score in a brothel for most of the year yet here it was, doing whatever it wanted to the Silver Bullets Ohio State defense. The defense looked as hopeless as it did during the Biakabutuka ambush of 1995 with the giant exception of Ohio State’s offense being the best unit on the field. 

Carlos Hyde had the best day of any opposing running back in Michigan Stadium history - against the same defensive coordinator masterminded behind the Glendale Massacre, the single most destructive day to Ohio State's football reputation in history. My God we’re going to miss El Guapo. He’s a tank with ballerina legs. What a gift that guy was.

Painkillers: They're working but I’m told not to get too confident. The pain escalates very quickly and predictably. Sleep is for suckers, so I set an hourly alarm to jar myself awake, hydrate and take meds as needed. 

I had several dreams about mobile desert meth labs. That was to be expected.

Tuesday, April 29 (Day 1)

My head and neck are pounding, which means everything is going according to plan. 

Breaking Bad, Season Two

Thirteen episodes ate up most of the day. My mind isn’t blown yet, but it’s doing a good enough job of being distracting. Ate a box of creamsicles in one sitting. /bucket list

Ohio State vs. Clemson - 2014

I’m still not ready to watch the B1G title game - where the Buckeyes willfully decided not to give Hyde the ball at the end of the game which would have undoubtedly won it - but I have reached the point where I can accept watching the Orange Bowl - where the Buckeyes willfully decided not to give Hyde the ball at the end of the game which would have undoubtedly won it.

GIVE IT TO HYDE

Having a hard time deciding if Ohio State’s 2013 pass defense was as bad as its 2011 offense. They both ranked nationally in the 100s, which with Ohio State’s resources and talent are crimes that should bring criminal charges and imprisonment - which could be pleaded down to being promoted to James Madison.

As the game wound down and Ohio State inexplicably leaned on a gimpy, battered Braxton Miller instead of Hyde the penultimate scene from The Exorcist popped in my head. Instead of men repeatedly chanting the power of Christ compels you they were saying give the goddamn ball to Hyde over and over again.

I started bobbing my head back and forth repeating the chant to myself silently as the Buckeyes squandered their chances in Miami in identical fashion to the way they did so in Indianapolis. I stopped when I noticed my wife's worried expression and stare in my peripheral vision.

Creamsicles don't do this to you. Drugs do. Give the goddamn ball to Hyde.

Wednesday, April 30 (Day 2)

Ensure shake for breakfast. Ensure shake for lunch. Ensure shake for dinner. Healing requires actual nutrients, which is the only hole in ice cream's otherwise flawless resumé.

Ohio State at Penn State - 1997

One of the most entertaining games that the Buckeyes have ever lost. Stanley Jackson and Joe Germaine splitting the snaps, David Boston, Michael Wil —

A little trickle of something - air, saliva, not sure - caught me off-guard and I coughed once. Once.

Seconds later I felt something warm gushing down my throat. I swallowed it. Then it came back, and I swallowed again. And again. It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling. I opened my mouth and held my empty Sonic cup under my chin.

About a half cup of thick, dark blood gently spilled out of my mouth into it. And then another half cup. And another. And another, all in evenly timed waves. I calmly walked to the sink with the bloody cup and began rinsing my mouth with cold water to try to slow the bleeding. I was unsuccessful.

The cup was now half-full so I grabbed a plastic Ohio Stadium cup from the pantry (from the 2011 season as it turned out - how ironic, the year of “blood everywhere”) and climbed into the car as my wife drove me to the emergency room.

I walked into the ED holding my literally/figuratively bloody 2011 cup and received immediate attention. An ENT showed up with 18-inch metallic tongs holding gauze that he pushed against the back of my throat on the hole where my left tonsil had been to try and stop the bleeding. Like me, he was also unsuccessful, and I was losing copious amounts of blood. I was now surrounded by people in scrubs pushing medical carts and shouting instructions.

The last thing I remember was being wheeled on a gurney into the operating room with people everywhere and that metal thing still jammed against the back of my throat. A pen was thrust in my hand and I was asked to sign surgery waivers that were held up against the doctor’s sleeve so I could press down and sign my name. I could feel blood continuing to cascade down both sides of my face.

Don’t worry about the signature, sir. Just make an X - we have a witness.

My throat was full of holes and needed to be cauterized again, all because of one cough.

Bright lights. Anesthesia. Good night.

Thursday, May 1 (Day 1 repeat)

My hospital roommate was a man wearing a CPAP device who must have weighed over 500 lbs. We had completely different types of hospital beds, a fact made obvious by the few feet of floor space that separated us.  He kept his television on Fox News with the volume as high as it would go. This briefly caused me to wonder if I hadn’t survived the surgery after all, and this was the unwanted afterlife’s new tenant processing department.

5 north smells

My IV was filling me with antibiotics, pain medication and sweet, sweet glucose. I had no access to Breaking Bad, Ohio State game tapes or any worthy distractions, which is far worse in the hospital than being at home due to the inescapable smells that accompany inpatient quarters. The air whispers poop was here while the placid wind behind it sighs so was death. There’s a lot of beeping. I timed my water sips to some of the beeps to pass the time. 

The surgeon had recauterized my leaky left tonsil pillar and for good measure decided to cauterize just about everything else while he was in there, like a drunk Ghostbuster wildly zapping everything that looked suspect. It turned out that single cough had knocked loose a scab, which tore off a sizable piece of artery wall with it. Had I been a tough guy and not immediately gone to the hospital I probably would have bled out in my house. Fortunately I’ve never been a tough guy in my life and have no plans to devolve into one anytime soon.

He assured me that I wouldn’t bleed again. Maybe.

My uvula (that thing that hangs in the back of your throat) looked like the Liberty Bell, crack and all. It was swollen to the point where it occupied all of the space normally hogged by my big stupid tonsils. That being said, it felt normal. That space has been occupied as long as I’ve had it.

I don’t remember a whole lot about last Thursday, but I was discharged that evening and came home to find that 1997 Ohio State-Penn State game tape still next to the VCR waiting to be watched. 

I won't ever watch it again. That game, 17 years after the fact, abruptly became a lot bloodier than it was at the time.

Friday, May 2 (Day 2 repeat)

Ensure shake for breakfast. Ensure shake for lunch. Ensure shakes are what they force feed hunger striking prisoners at Guantanamo through nasogastric tubes. I briefly considered trying to drink them that way, since it couldn't hurt worse than swallowing.

Breaking Bad, Season Three

Thank you, dramatized American meth trade. Thank you for being the high-quality distraction I dreamed you would be. I now understand why this series was so celebrated.

Ohio State at Illinois, 2011

I had to do it. The single biggest joke of an Ohio State win this century, with polite nods to all of those Tresselball Ws that were earned on the backs of no offensive touchdowns. I had to relive that afternoon because we will never see comedy like that again, and I desperately needed the humor.

ZOOOOOOOOK
Ohio State defensive backs coach Ron Zook

There was nothing unfunny about this game: Ron Zook’s Illini were undefeated and ranked 16th in the country. Ohio State began running out the clock with the opening kick, as Jim Bollman complete inability to understand offensive strategy played out over the course of three now-hilarious hours.

Bollman attempting to impersonate an offensive play caller is similar to someone who doesn’t speak Chinese pretending they're fluent by making a series of guttural, obnoxious sounds that they think might sound like Chinese. But Chinese speakers know very quickly: This guy doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing at all. He’s shouting ching chong chang at his quarterback and hoping it turns out to be something good.

Smiling hurt like hell and laughter was impossible (I still hadn’t spoken since Monday morning) but my brain chuckled for the balance of the game as the Buckeyes knocked off the undefeated, ranked Illini in a mid-October game while completing only one pass.

Ohio State at Indiana, 2005

The let’s-see-how-many-touchdowns-Ted-Ginn-can-score-that-get-called-back-for-inconsequential-holding-flags game. It’s always fun to pick up O-H-I-O bouncing around other schools’ stadiums on TV.

Even when laughing isn’t possible, you can still hear it. You don’t even need ears.

Saturday, May 3 (Day 3)

MY EARS. BAH GOD MY EARS WHY ARE YOU STABBING ME IN THE HEAD INVISIBLE HEISENBERG.

This is the ear pain I was assured would arrive a few days post-op. Apparently the same nerve that’s affected by the trauma of tonsils being evicted impacts the ears. It’s referred pain, whatever that means. All I know is that oxycontin was totally ineffective against it and even silence was literally deafening. 

Ensure shake, Ensure shake, Ensure shake - I was starting to really miss forks and knives. I also had a hankering for a bathroom visit that lasted more than 45 seconds. Stupid narcotics. 

I took a one-day hiatus from Breaking Bad with my kids not in school, since they should wait a few years before diving into the academic rigors of unlawful chemistry. I don’t want to be one of those pushy, helicopter parents.

Ohio State vs. Notre Dame, 1995
EDDIE

Featuring one of the iconic snapshots in Buckeye football history as Eddie George outran the entire Fighting Irish roster (no flag) without any blockers as well as one of the greatest moments in unscripted live television history: Regis Philbin, fortune teller:

We got this! We got a lock on them! We're gonna win!

Which was immediately followed by:

Ohio State vs. Iowa, 2009

The defacto Big Ten championship game, with the winner clinching the Rose Bowl trip. Fun fact: Marcus Hall started that game at RT, blocking for Boom Herron, Brandon Saine and Terrelle Pryor. He also played for the Buckeyes during this current calendar year. Man, he was around a long time. I salute you, sir. Twice.

Oh, competent linebacker play - you are so sexy and arousing and I’ve been instructed by medical professionals to avoid arousal during my recovery so -

Ohio State vs. Iowa, 2013

Ah, much better. Like a cold shower.

Ohio State vs. Iowa, 2010

The game where Pryor put the team on his back and won in Iowa City, only to have Kirk Herbstreit spend the postgame chastising his “body language” and leadership skills, leading to Pryor’s famous Fake Buckeye, Fake as Hell comments. Herbstreit had a valid point: Pryor should have been less me-me-me and more of a team-first guy, like his favorite player he couldn't stop gushing over during the past two seasons, Johnny Manziel.

That’s a lot of Iowa for one day, but I had to fill in the void left by Breaking Bad with the B1G equivalent.

Sunday, May 4 (Day 4)

Ears are bleeding (figuratively) mouth is bleeding (literally, but not fatally) eyes are bleeding (see: ears) and taking a dump is a myth. It doesn’t exist, especially on a liquid diet supplemented by a constant stream of narcotics.

The only solid food I’ve had over the past seven days is Oxycontin. My mother shipped me 22 pints of Graeters, so despite not eating any real food I’m still managing to gain unhealthy weight. Painkillers are now being taken at 4-hour increments instead of six. I'm watching the clock.

LOS POLLOS HERMANOS

Just have to get to Day 10, according to everything I’ve read. What is today? Day 4? Even though the surgery was seven days ago? Awesome.

Breaking Bad, Season Four

Some of the best television ever produced. I cannot recommend this series enough, and I’m already devastated there’s only one season left. Thirteen episodes in succession took me almost 12 hours to watch, but it felt like two. That's distraction.

Ohio State at Notre Dame, 1996

I attended this game and wasn't all that familiar with the game broadcast. There’s a point where Matt Calhoun scores on a swing pass in the red zone and the NBC Notre Dame booth guys start gushing about how the Buckeyes are an offensive juggernaut that cannot be stopped.

An offensive juggernaut that eventually scored nine points at home against 17-point underdog Michigan. You see, young people? This is why everyone you love over the age of 30 has unexplained bouts of depression. It isn’t clinical. It’s environmental.

Ohio State at Michigan, 2001

The first 30 minutes of this game comprise the most euphoric half of college football in my lifetime. The concept of the Buckeyes ever winning in Ann Arbor was mythical. Ohio State beating Michigan anywhere was nearly impossible. Jonathan Wells kicked off the great decade of Wolverine slaughter by prancing all over the field with body language that suggested he was practically giggling as he picked up yards.

Tresselball’s defining moment in its inaugural season was a 4th and 1 near midfield where the Buckeyes lines up in goal line formation and telegraphed this is going to be an off-tackle run that you cannot stop at the Michigan defense. It turned out to be an off-tackle run that Michigan could not stop.

 

That’s how it was always supposed to work on paper, and during that half it’s how it worked on the field.

I wanted to run through a wall after watching those enchanted 30 minutes, but that’s yet another thing I’m not medically cleared to do yet. The second half featured the darker side of Tresselball, as the Buckeyes turned a 23-0 romp into a 26-20 squeaker. 

Didn’t matter. Myth busted. I watched that first half twice.

Monday, May 5 (Day 5)

One week ago this morning I owned tonsils. One week ago I didn’t comprehend the anxiety of a physically devastating cough, a crippling sneeze or a wound-shattering yawn. Now I'm familiar with one of those things, I'm aware of the other two and I’m terrified of all three.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. I'm going to be a man about this and confidently face the danger for the duration of my recovery.

[snatches Ensure vanilla out of the fridge]

[rips open cap with teeth]

[is screamed at by wife for risking any further damage to face]

best player on the field
Breaking Bad, Season Five (finish) 

I lack words - not because I’m still incapable of speaking, but because Breaking Bad exceeded all expectations. If you haven’t seen this masterpiece you’re robbing yourself of exquisite writing that’s equalled by its execution. The quality of popular music and movies may be conspicuously deteriorating, but television is doing just fine, thanks.

Ohio State vs. Buffalo, 2013

I just needed to see how good Khalil Mack was again. He’s exquisite. I’d venture to say he stole unwritten future salary checks from Taylor Decker that day, which makes him both a thief and a time traveler.

Ohio State vs. Michigan 2012

The tension and odd finality of having an undefeated season at stake against Michigan in a honeymoon year, and then realizing and having to embrace that defective perfection: We’ll never see it again. Thankfully. It's kind of spooky to resent an undefeated season.

Ohio State rode El Guapo with the game on the line to clinch the victory - hey, they should plan on doing that again in 2013 in tight games, especially late in the season.

[slams rusty spoon into throat to try and scoop out scabs]

Ohio State Spring Game

I still hadn’t seen it, as I was out of the country at the time. I learned nothing about the Buckeyes, which is generally the value of scrimmages. They should be priced accordingly.

Tuesday, May 6 (Day 6)

Spending the day cleaning the blood off my notes from the past week to put together what you've been reading. I’ve been able to reduce the number of painkillers I'm taking, which suggests I've turned the corner recovery-wise.

I was able to choke down some buttered noodles today, which is the first solid food I’ve had in nine days. There’s some irony in having a procedure done at 40 you’re better off having at six that turns both your palate and your palate into that of a a six-year old’s. 

Still unable to speak, but at least my tonsils are no longer trying to kill me. I'm not craving distractions as much as I'm just ready to feel normal again. I've got a few days to kill before that's going to be possible, so maybe I'll get around to finally re-watching that Michigan State game. 

Or perhaps I'll just watch Breaking Bad again. It's not as bloody and the ending is better.

68 Comments

Comments

bucked up's picture

:::glass shatters:::

My God, is that Ramzy's music?

+11 HS
Soggy_McMuffin's picture

I have to have that surgery also. I'm freaked out because I suffer from anxiety, anyway sounds like fun! Awesome post sir!!

Gooz-fra-bah...

Crumb's picture

I’m still not ready to watch the B1G title game - where the Buckeyes willfully decided not to give Hyde the ball at the end of the game which would have undoubtedly won it - but I have reached the point where I can accept watching the Orange Bowl - where the Buckeyes willfully decided not to give Hyde the ball at the end of the game which would have undoubtedly won it.

*Smacking my head against a brick wall* What, in heaven's, name, were, we thinking?.

"The only good thing about it is winning the d*** thing" - Urban Meyer on The Game The War

+3 HS
BuckeyeStrong2's picture

All I see in my head is Heuerman whiffing on that block and Braxton getting smacked to the turf over and over... and in my head I keep remembering: "What in the hell were they thinking?" (also over and over)

+2 HS
Borrowed Time's picture

sorry to hear you had to go through the surgery, and very scary that a cough would make you bleed out to that extent

this post also makes me want to rewatch breaking bad. what a glorious show

+3 HS
niblick's picture

I'm absolutely amazed when I run into someone that hasn't seen every episode yet of BB.  I've now watched every episode twice.  Hands down, one of the best tv shows ever.

 

and obviously, great write up as always.  when I envision ramzy writing a piece, i actually imagine ramzy standing over a computer with bloody knuckles, and a beaten down, bloody and swollen chuck norris actually writing the piece for him as ramzy dictates, and chuck typing away obeying every command.  I'm going to start correcting people that say chuck norris jokes and insisting they substitute ramzy's name.

+1 HS
Michael Citro's picture

[Looks at CPAP machine next to bed]

[Looks at oversize tonsils in the mirror]

[Considers the options the sleep specialist gave]

[Screams like a girl for nine minutes]

LealmanBuckeye's picture

I have a CPAP for apnea, but I can't keep the damn thing on my face. I'll wake up and the mask will be on the floor. Short of duct tape, any suggestions?

+1 HS
Michael Citro's picture

I've had good success with a full face mask staying in place. Might help you, as it's a bit more heavy/harder to displace.

Other than that, stop doing PX90 in your sleep.

German Buckeye's picture

I've gone thru three different types of masks - full nose/mouth seems to be the best for me (in terms of keeping it on through the night) although it still feels clausterphobic and don't like waking up with the drip, drip of condensation within it.  Supposedly,it will help me sleep thru the 40 times per hour I stop breathing....apnea sucks.

Mark's picture

Great read.  Very entertaining.  The only thing that ruined it for me is that I'm in my 40's & my ENT doc (that I've seen for my hearing issues I've had since childhood) has told me that I have some of the biggest tonsils he has ever seen.  But since I'm not plagued by throat issues yet (continuous strep, sore throats, or sleep apnea), we should leave them alone....for now.  Sigh.

+2 HS
THEOSUfan's picture

Best thing I've read in a while - and I read a lot.  The mix of health, football, and TV reality and humor is genius.

Tonsils are part of your immune system, so you should hang on to them if you can.  If they have the potential to kill you via apnea, you probably shouldn't hang on to them.  Apnea may have been what killed Reggie White, so it's no joke.

A significant number of people can address sleep apnea by simply losing weight.  If you eliminate fat tissue around the throat/neck area, you have a good chance of stopping the horrific snoring and the apnea.  Enlarged tonsils and adenoids are another matter.  You basically have the choices of CPAP and surgery.  Both have significant downsides.  CPAP is hard for people to start on, and hard for them to stay on - thus the large number of used CPAP machines for sale.  Surgery means that you could die - probably won't, but could: from anesthesia, from infection, from bleeding, from you name it.  But surgery also provides the upside of alllowing you to have an infection-free throat and a cure for sleep apnea.

My T & A's came out at age 8 in 1972.  I ain't missing them.  :)

 

 

 

 

bedheadjc's picture

...........

Edit: Thank you for the UV whoever you are. I edited the comment 'cause I just don't want the attendant BS.

+1 HS
NW Buckeye's picture

Ramzy, glad that you are OK from that operation.  My wife had her tonsils taken out when she was 40, at the same time my son, age 11, also had his removed.  He was up and at full speed in no time, while her recovery dragged on for a week.  She sends her sympathy!!!  

buckeyedexter's picture

This was awesome, "About a half cup of thick, dark blood gently spilled out of my mouth into it."

If you're looking for another show to watch try season 1 of American Horror Story or Orange is the New Black.
 

+2 HS
dwcbuckeye's picture

Always a pleasure to read your articles.  Very talented writer indeed.  I'm still on Season 2 of Breaking Bad.  Motivated now to get to Season 3

jpbuckeye's picture

-Milky football bosom that never dries..."

There are som many gems in there but this one tops the metaphor list. Thanks for all the laughs.

Excellent work. Outstanding work.

 

Sorry you had to go through this ordeal; but I am glad you did.

+1 HS
buckIalum's picture

One of my earliest memories as a child is telling my parents I tasted blood post-tonsillectomy and being sent to bed without much of a second thought. As I impressively filled up a five gallon bucket with mostly pure blood, some of it curdled, my father made the hour long trip to Toledo Hospital in what I have to imagine is a world record for a late 80's Cadillac El Dorado. 

So, chew your food very carefully for at least another two weeks.

jedkat's picture

[pushes food away]

[bookmarks article for after lunch]

"I was tired of trying to work my way around the back, so I just ran him over"

~ Joey Bosa

+2 HS
OSUBias's picture

This is just fantastic reading. Minus your almost dying, I'm really glad this happened.

Shitter's full

+6 HS
Colerain 2004 G.O.A.T.'s picture

Crap man Ive been waking up in the morning after long hard nights of smoking and drinking literally choking on my tonsils or that ball hangy thing I thought was my tonsils. Its gotten so bad the last couple of times because it stretched out to where I could feel myself swallowing it then coughing it back up. I thought I was being paranoid in thinking it could actually stop my breathing while I was passed out in a obliterated state. Guess Im going to have to go schedule myself some good pain meds..opps I mean a tonsillectomy.

I speak the truth but I guess that's a foreign language to yall.~~Lil Wayne

+1 HS
buckeyeEddie27's picture

Holy shit Ramzy! First, thank God you went to the hospital. Second, I hope it's easy peasy from now until you're back to normal. Third, may you have the most delicious meal followed by the most glorious dump when you are able to do so. Finally, I'm not capable of forming words into a sentence structure that properly compliments your ability as a writer. So you'll have to write your own compliment and slap my name on it. You fucking rule.

I know there's a game Saturday, and my ass will be there.

+5 HS
AeroBuckeye2001's picture

I believe you mean "complements" not "compliments." Don't flame me, there's irony to be had there.

The Ohio State University Class of 2001
BS Aero & Astronautical Engineering

+1 HS
buckeyeEddie27's picture

Lol. I suck

I know there's a game Saturday, and my ass will be there.

+1 HS
I_Run_The_Dave's picture

I think "compliments" was actually correct here.  He was trying to give Ramzy a compliment.

If he was trying to "complement" Ramzy, then that would mean he is attempting to write in such a way as to make up for any perceived weaknesses in Ramzy's writing.  He may do this by writing a similar article without graphic descriptions of blood that make my stomach turn as I read, yet still getting the same points across in an effective way.

Horvath22's picture

Great read , as always, Ramzy. How about an update, when you are fully recovered?

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

when you are fully recovered?

I'll see the doctor 5/15 to be cleared for solid food, hopefully. I'm still a mute. Pain in the morning is 6/10 and 3/10 the rest of the day.

jedkat's picture

I will give $50 to see you dressed up in a mime costume, once healthy.

"I was tired of trying to work my way around the back, so I just ran him over"

~ Joey Bosa

+5 HS
cinserious's picture

. I stopped when I noticed my wife's worried expression and stare in my peripheral vision.

I'm glad your wife didn't call the cops on you at that point (mine would've).

I propose a toast of Scotch tonight here on 11W to celebrate your recovery and well being Ramzy.

 

Life's daily struggle is choosing between saying F--ck-it, or soldiering on with your responsibilities.  

+2 HS
Barnsey69's picture

My condolences on your ordeal sir, however since the experience was the catalyst for this read I am selfishly grateful! My favorite part, out of many very quotable excerpts, has to be "The air whispers poop was here.."

Now I understand that at 45 years old I should get a lot more from this piece...alas I keep saying this and giggling, which has attracted too much attention from my cubicle zombie friends.

I also did not watch Breaking Bad during it's initial airing, so I do am in the middle of a 5 season binge watch, just completing S:3 E;4 last night. And I am pissed every day that I did not watch this as it unfolded for 5 years, but happy that I don't have to wait a week (or longer) between episodes.

May the remainder of your recovery be uneventful, and thank you for this awesome scribble to make an otherwise unremarkable day a little more bearable.

 

Thank the Maker that I was born in Ohio, cradle of coaches, US Presidents, confederate-stomping Generals, and home of The Ohio State University Football Buckeyes!

+1 HS
nightmuse's picture

Ramzy feel your pain. Got my tonsils out at 37. I am allergic to painkillers, so they tried to give me the least offensive painkiller. Got sick for the next 4 hours, lets just say stomach acid over open wound was the most painful thing I ever experienced. I can honestly say if it was death vs. going through that experience again, I would have to think about it---but I didn't have all the great OSU games to review though:) I think I would have added in OSU vs. ND--Fiesta Bowl Game in the mix.

+1 HS
Mr. Bungle's picture

The surgeon had recauterized my leaky left tonsil pillar and for good measure decided to cauterize just about everything else while he was in there, like a drunk Ghostbuster wildly zapping everything that looked suspect.

 

This is why you are great!  Ramzys The Great!

+1 HS
AAStagg's picture

Had my tonsils yanked when I was in college back in 1970.  The surgery led to an infection which kept me hospitalized, and in agony, for a week longer than expected.   Then, the day I finally got home to recuperate fully, the U.S. conducted its first ever draft lottery on live national TV. [Viet Nam was winding down, but the draft was still in effect].  Ping pong balls numbered 1-366 were pulled out of a drum and matched with birthdates -- low numbered birthdate, you're likely headed to southeast Asia.  Suffering excruciating pain in bed, just as Ramzy described, I tuned in.  My birthday came up in the 330s and, though the razor blades in the back of my throat were still there, I was instantly one giddy, unlikely-to-be-drafted college kid.  Never had oxycontin, but missing out on war in the rice paddies sure made me feel better. 

Keep calm.  It's only a game.

+7 HS
KE's picture

I also remember watching those ping pong lotteries. I was too young to be drafted but was getting close, so my interest and attention kept going up. Later on, my college roommate got his tonsils and wisdom teeth removed right at the end of our senior year because he was going into the submarine service after graduation. Man, was he sick. Very glad mine were removed in 2d grade. I'm especially glad after reading this.

hodge's picture

I've been there, man.  Two days after my tonsillectomy, I was woken up by a salty, metallic taste in my mouth.  Confused, I went back to sleep.  Then it happened again.  And again.  Finally, I spit out whatever the hell was tasting so bad and I saw that it was my own blood.

I was 7.  Cauterization failure isn't age-discriminating.

Brutus's picture

I haven't had my tonsils removed by I am getting my wisdom teeth pulled in a few weeks.  I'm told that that's also a horribly unpleasant experience after 40.  This article has me rethinking my decision.  Though I could see how the Buckeyes and Breaking Bad could have a healing effect.

+2 HS
buckeyeEddie27's picture

Had my wisdom teeth removed at 27. It was terrible. Given the theme of this thread I'll say this, tread lightly my fellow buckeye.

I know there's a game Saturday, and my ass will be there.

+1 HS
Baroclinicity's picture

It's not fun.  I was 30.  No solid food for 11 days for me.  Bruised down my neck into my upper chest.  Chipmunk cheeks.

You'll be fine!  ;)

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

+2 HS
Brutus's picture

Wow, thanks dicks.  I'm suddenly remembering why I keep putting this off.  Fortunately for me, I'm a total badass. I can pluck my nose hairs without my eyes even watering. Yeah that's right.

Seriously though, BuckeyeEddie and Baroclincity, you guys are dicks.

+4 HS
HotSauceCommittee's picture

I have been putting off getting my wisdom teeth cut out. Reading this doesn't help.

Fully admit I went from not doing it out of inconvenience to now just being a pussy about it.

+1 HS
Brutus's picture

First off, sweet Beastie Boys reference, assuming that is indeed what you're referring to and not the Chicago band.  If so, happy belated MCA Day.  You might find the following link pretty cool:

http://www.boston.com/entertainment/music/2014/05/06/buddhist-monks-brea...

Second, and this is no exaggeration, after posting the above, the very next thing I did was google "do I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled". Like you, I've become too much of a pussy to do it.  Reading some of the existing literature now has me leaning against it.  I was planning on getting them pulled as a preventative measure, nothing more.  They've grown in and aren't causing me problems now.  So in true stubborn American male fashion, why deal with something now when I can just put it off until things get really bad.  F-it.  I'm not doing it. Thank you fellow 11W-ers, and especially Ramzy.  I may curse you some day, but right now I feel like I've been paroled. And yes, I'm still a pussy.

 

+3 HS
buckeyeEddie27's picture

You're alright Brutus. Had me cracking up reading your responses. dick.

I know there's a game Saturday, and my ass will be there.

+1 HS
Baroclinicity's picture

No man, get it done.  Tough to clean, and can be sources for infection later.  (Get a dentist's advice, obviously)

Didn't mean to cause any harm, Brutus.  it was more inconvenient for me than anything, as Percosets were marvelous pain killers.  I was under anesthesia for mine because I was a difficult case.  I needed some jaw bone removed.

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

+1 HS
HotSauceCommittee's picture

I havent been having problems, except occasionally some food debris gets stuck between the tooth and overgrown tissue cause some soreness. I am with you Brutus, why be sensible when you can be macho and wait for the pain to motivate you.

Yes it is a Beastie Boys reference. While I like the BB's a lot, I liked the album name more and used it for my fantasy football league a few years running.

Doc's picture

Guys, if your DDS told you you need your "wizzy's" removed do it.  Most of us don't have room for them, secondly they often times come in sideways and can cause major tooth pain down the road.  Don't be a bunch of wolverwienies.  Get it done now, before something happens.

Doc

"Say my name."

+2 HS
toad1204's picture

Cloves/ Clove oil, not for smoking but for when that dry socket thing happens.  Research it, you'll thank me later.

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

Denny's picture

You're ton-silly.

Taquitos.

+2 HS
BullCityBuckeye's picture

This is one of the most entertaining articles I have ever read.  Cheers to you, Ramzy.  Oh yeah, get better soon:-)

+2 HS
Zimmy07's picture

This briefly caused me to wonder if I hadn’t survived the surgery after all, and this was the unwanted afterlife’s new tenant processing department

 

This cracked me up because I know I would have wondered the same thing.  Glad it seems you've pulled through.

+1 HS
Poison nuts's picture

Oh god - that description of the oral blood letting nearly made me reach for a Xanax.

"Do not pass me, just slow down - I can move right through you" Superchunk - Precision Auto.

Northbrook's picture

Several years ago, when Tress was still HC, I woke on the day of the michigan game and was passing blood. I did this a few times each time weighing the amount of blood against missing the game. Sanity finally won out (barely) and I went to the hospital. I was in IC in time to see the game although on a small screen. TresselBall kept spiking my BP and they threatened to turn it off but we got the W and well being ensued. Watching Buckeye football, even past games, can be tricky with a medical condition.

That was a great read Ramzy. You are already back in top form writing wise, hopefully you will feel as well soon.

canukeye's picture

So are you saying that we lost to MSU and Clemson because we didn't play Tresselball?

It's not the band that I hate.  It's the fans.

+2 HS
FitzBuck's picture

Bollman attempting to impersonate an offensive play caller is similar to someone who doesn’t speak Chinese pretending they're fluent by making a series of guttural, obnoxious sounds that they think might sound like Chinese. But Chinese speakers know very quickly: This guy doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing at all. He’s shouting ching chong chang at his quarterback and hoping it turns out to be something good.

greatest analogy ever!

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

+3 HS
gumtape's picture

As a pediatrician I feel the need to weigh in on this. The current guidelines are as follows:

(1) watchful waiting for recurrent throat infection if there have
been fewer than 7 episodes in the past year or fewer than 5
episodes per year in the past 2 years or fewer than 3 episodes
per year in the past 3 years

This is pretty dramatic. In my practice I would typically refer after 3 confirmed strep cases in 12 months, which is the older standard. There is actually a financial incentive for doctors to have patients that are sick, it seems morbid I know.

There may be some doctors that don't refer because they would rather see you 3-4 times per year and clear $40-60 per visit. I am not saying that was the thinking that your doctor had, but the sentiment certainly exists.

just another psycho, irrational, delusional Ohio St fan

+1 HS
ryanosu03's picture

Great article, glad something great could come out of your misery!

+1 HS
AngryWoody's picture

Hey, If it makes you feel any better, your week of hell gave me ten minutes of joy.

 

Our Honor Defend!

+4 HS
BuckNKY's picture

or a bathroom visit that lasted more than 45 seconds

I have experienced this, not at all pleasant until the first post narcotic bathroom trip.   Ahhhh.  Also - potty humor never fails!

The surgeon had recauterized my leaky left tonsil pillar and for good measure decided to cauterize just about everything else while he was in there, like a drunk Ghostbuster wildly zapping everything that looked suspect.

Automatic upvote for Ghostbuster reference.  Even if I can't upvote Ramzy.

Another one out of the park - great read.  Get well soon!

 

 

+3 HS
jpbuckeye's picture

A bathroom visit less than 45 seconds would make my practice of reading this form while on the throne, meaningless. I would only get to read 0.01 articles or 3 forum posts. That would be cruel and unusual!

+2 HS
jpbuckeye's picture

...thank God for wireless internet.

 

Although I could have edited my previous post, I need to pad my post count so that I can upvote some of the great things I read on here!

buckeyedude's picture

The doctor should have removed your uvula while he was back there, Ramzy. I had mine removed 20 years ago, and I snore a lot less without it.

 

 

causeicouldntgo43's picture

But then you won't be able to give birth......

Earle's picture

Uvula be sorry if you do.

I'll show myself out.

Italics are for emphasis.

+1 HS
Menexenus's picture

OK, OK!  I'll watch Breaking Bad already!  Sheesh!

 

 

P.S. Glad you didn't die.

Real fans stay for Carmen.

+2 HS
headina's picture

I feel for you, my wife had her tonsils out last year at 26. It was a rough ride, and your description of the wounds and uvula is spot on. Glad you got around to watching breaking bad. 

GO BUCKS

osugreg04's picture

Loved all the graphic content. Im now white as a ghost and ready to vomit #gobucks

Buckeyeneer's picture

I had my tonsils out circa 2005. My wound split twice. Once the first night and again on day 7. I usually work a ton of hours and never get a moment to myself so getting to take a week plus off and do nothing but watch tv and play video games was pretty sweet.

My scab ripped off the first time on night 1 when I coughed while up taking a leak. Note: don't try gargling with salt water. It burns like hell!!!! The best moment of that fiasco was a joke set up by my doctor. When I get to the emergency room the doctor drugs me up and asks, "How did this happen? Were you lifting anything heavy?" and I say in my drug induced euphoria, "Well Doc, I WAS pissing at the time." We both started laughing really hard but then we had to compose ourselves quickly because the laughing caused further damage.

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes

THE Ohio State University

+5 HS