The boat is sinking.
We're five years removed from P.J. Fleck getting sold to me as college football's next Urban Meyer, and yet here he is, still in the Land of 10,000 Lakes preparing to take one on the chin from college football's actual rising star.
But to be clear, I don't hate Fleck. In fact, I respect him. The dude grifted his way to this position with fun catchphrases and a big smile with nobody even bothering to realize that he's actually bad at coaching football. He's a mascot with a whistle that makes almost $5 million a year.
Fleck aside, Minnesota's got a talented and veteran team, I admit that. But that sure didn't stop them from finishing 3-4 with pretty much the same roster last season. And that record includes a 49-24 beatdown against what was probably the worst Michigan team I've seen in my life, which is an extremely high bar to clear. So forgive me if I'm not exactly shaking in my boots over all of this "returning talent."
Speaking of which, do you know why a team would be loaded so many true and redshirt seniors on a roster? It's because none of them were good enough to leave early. So when you tout all this "experience," you're really just telling on yourself and your ability to recruit and develop actual NFL talent.
Meanwhile, Ohio State's going to start a dude who's never attempted a collegiate pass who will throwing to a receiving corps that will almost certainly include multiple true freshmen and probably multiple running backs in either their first or second year on campus and there's not a soul who would take Goldy's offense. Welcome to modern college football.
I step into this game day unconcerned because there only two things intimidating about the state of Minnesota: Fargo and the weather, and neither of them are showing up to help the Golden Gophers tonight.
Buckeyes roll. The boat sinks.
Welcome back, football.
Word of the Day: Exterminate.
GET HYPE. Need some game day juice? This will do it.
The start, but not the beginning.
— Ohio State Football (@OhioStateFB) August 31, 2021
It is time. #GoBucks pic.twitter.com/iRSr01VhjO
Ohio State's got the best multimedia company in the entire midwest and I'm not sure it's particularly close.
GAME-TIME DECISION. You might recall that Ohio State's secondary was horribad last year.
I'm optimistic that won't be the case this year, but I also wouldn't complain at all if they didn't have to deal with Minnesota's top target in Week One.
Update: #Gophers coach PJ Fleck said on @KFAN1003 show recorded Monday WR Chris Autman-Bell is a little more kind of advanced in terms of a game-time decision. But I wont make that call. Chris will make that call, along with our medical team. Doctors have final call, he said.
— Andy Greder (@andygreder) August 31, 2021
1. I don't know what the hell "kind of advanced in terms of a game-time decision" means.
2. That doesn't sound like a player that's about to suit up, but I'm not ruling anything out after watching Jaylen Waddle limp through the Buckeye secondary like he was Greg Jennings in Madden.
WE'RE DOING THIS AGAIN.
- Ohio State -14 vs. Minnesota. Goldy is getting stuffed into a garbage disposal.
- Miami +20 vs. Alabama. Look, I know I'm setting myself up for sadness here. But Alabama lost a solid chunk of its talent from last season, including its starting quarterback. Miami, meanwhile, returns a solid chunk of its talent including D'Eriq King. Are the Canes going to win? Hell no. But I think they can keep it within three touchdowns, even if it takes a garbage-time touchdown!
- Iowa -3.5 vs. Indiana. I'm oddly high on Iowa this season. I think they're going to have a solid defense and will be able to control most games with their ground game. Indiana's a solid team with a lot of returning talent, but I think Iowa gets it done – and Kinnick Stadium will certainly help.
- Georgia +3 vs. Clemson. I'm absolutely certain Georgia is going to disappoint me here, but I can't pass up a chance to get the far more talented team as an underdog.
- Kent State +29.5 against Texas A&M. I don't think Kent State is particularly *good,* but the Aggies beat exactly one team by more than 30 points last season and they were abysmally bad in the season opener against Vanderbilt, only winning by five. And that was with a four-year starter at quarterback. I'm banking on a slow start from Texas A&M with a brand new quarterback.
SONG OF THE DAY. "Jail" by Kanye West.
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