WELCOME TO YOUR INAUGURAL VOYAGE ON THE GET DUMPED THEN EXPRESS, IOWA. WE DON'T SERVE NOVOCAINE, EITHER.
The Hawkeyes have avoided a reckoning since El Guapo splintered their soul in 2013:
Just like Penn State found out last week, it's tax season and the collector ain't in the mood for a sob story about why they can't cover the interest this week.
I'm old enough to remember when Iowa was going to revolutionize the republic with Ethanol. Two decades later, we're still waiting for corn to fuel our cars while those fraudsters have yet to return the corner store.
But today, we finally got the drop on 'em—even if that means a trip to Iowa City.
I stayed a night in Iowa City, back in 2007 while en route to Steamboat Springs, Colorado (long story). 18 hours was all I could take. All you need to know is a group of toddlers convened in 1839 and the best name they could conjure was "Iowa City."
Whole state looks like an Android photograph of arid farmland:
This is what it looks like when you fly into Cedar Rapids pic.twitter.com/cSnIBqGOIa
— Steve Helwagen (@SteveHelwagen) November 3, 2017
I realize decorum calls to praise Iowa for its "fundamental play" and "blue collar attitude," but this is a program petrified of losing Kirk Ferentz, the man who hasn't won a sliver of a Big Ten title since 2004 and will never taste one again.
If Iowa had a competent justice system, Ferentz's agent would be bartering Ramen Noodles in Year 3 of a 20-year bid in the state penitentiary for embezzlement of state funds.
Yet Ferentz Era is their apotheosis, and what's crazy is Iowa is cool with it. Once Ferentz leaves, it's a quick three-year descent into a slightly more scenic and intoxicated version of Indiana.
Their corn will still be garbage, too.
| TIME (ET) | GAME | FAVORITE | TV CHANNEL |
|---|---|---|---|
| 12:00 | #7 PENN STATE at #24 MICHIGAN STATE | PSU (-9½) | FOX |
| 12:00 | #9 WISCONSIN at INDIANA | UW (-13½) | ABC |
| 12:00 | #14 AUBURN at TEXAS A&M | AU (-15) | ESPN |
| 3:30 | #4 CLEMSON at #20 NC STATE | CLEM (-7½) | ABC |
| 3:30 | #15 IOWA STATE at WEST VIRGINIA | WVU (-2½) | ESPN2 |
| 3:30 | #21 STANFORD at #25 WASHINGTON STATE | WSU (-1½) | FOX |
| 3:30 | NORTHWESTERN at NEBRASKA | NU (-1½) | BTN |
| 3:30 | #5 OKLAHOMA at #11 OKLAHOMA STATE | OSU (-1½) | FS1 |
| 7:15 | TEXAS at #8 TCU | TCU (-7) | ESPN |
| 8:00 | #19 LSU at #2 ALABAMA | BAMA (-21) | CBS |
| 8:00 | #13 VIRGINIA TECH at #10 MIAMI | TECH (-1) | ABC |
| 10:00 | OREGON at #12 WASHINGTON | UW | FS1 |
| 10:45 | #22 ARIZONA at #17 USC | USC | ESPN |
Penn State fans going to ask questions when Pumpkin Franklin drops his second game is as many weeks. Northwestern as a favorite in Lincoln against Nebraska is all you need to know about the state of the Husker program. Alabama is going to light LSU on fire.
Word of the Day: Syzygy.
HAWKEYE DOSSIER. Here's everything to know about today's opponents, the Hawkeyes of Iowa:
- Preview
- Scouting Report
- Roundtable
- Mailbag
- Ohio State will do the First Quarter Wave
- Preparing for Josey Jewell
- Game Poster
- Hype Trailer
Be sure to follow 11W, Dan Hope, Andrew Lind, and James Grega on Twitter for updates live from Kinnick Stadium.
RELEASE THE GOAT. J.T. Barrett may be considered the new favorite for the Heisman Trophy, but that only lasts until the coaching staff decides to unleash Demario McCall, the greatest footballer in Ohio State history (paywall link).
Demario McCall could play extensively at Iowa, according to Ohio State offensive coordinator Kevin Wilson. https://t.co/AvalQdjHZI #Buckeyes
— Garrett Stepien (@GarrettStepien) November 3, 2017
Parris Campbell is out, too.
Urban Meyer was pondering a petition for a McCall medical redshirt, so if he plays, it's because the staff thinks he can contribute this year. McCall has battled injury all year, but maybe those troubles are behind him. Ohio State still doesn't have a player like him, when healthy. A lot of football left to be played, too.
#PERTINENTWIRE. Kinnick Stadium can play volatile tricks on the mind, yet this is still an easy lick as long as Ohio State knocks out the doorman with precision.
PROPHECY: 31-10, Bucks.
THOSE WMDs. What colleges want in an applicant (everything)... Aaron Rodgers balloons to 450 pounds after single inactive week in Wisconsin... When his wife was dying, his friend moved in... The suicide catcher: Saving bridge jumpers in China... How much does a kilogram weigh?
