Game Day Skull Session: Get Dumped Then, Maryland

By D.J. Byrnes on October 7, 2017 at 4:59 am
Get Dumped Then, Maryland!!!!!!
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The best thing about Maryland is it's not Rutgers. Without the Knights, the Terrapins would look more out of place in the Big Ten than me at a gender reveal party hosted by responsible friends that sagely pulled the ripcord on our relationship a half decade ago.

Maryland sachems chose a ubiquitously senile turtle as their mascot. Their 317 fans still eat garbage trawled off the bottom of sea and peddle the grotesquery as a tourism talking point. 

They still worship The Wire for its realism, despite that 95% of them would rather saw off a hand than perform an act of everyday commerce in one of "those neighborhoods."

The dopey flag everybody claims to love can be easily shuffled into a covert declaration of white supremacy. (See why Unionists invented "copperhead" to slur Maryland?)

But again, they're not Rutgers. Their football is somewhat respectable and they have the Naval Academy. So we must forgive their love of boat shoes and UnderArmour gimmicks.

That doesn't change today's itinerary. We're still grabbing their ankles and shaking the lunch money out of their pockets. Let them dine at a true Ohio seafood establishment like the sun-baked Long John Silver's dumpster in Grove City.

As for the slate... ლ(´ڡ`ლ) .... This is what a fall Saturday should look like.

10/7 SLATE
TIME (ET) MATCHUP FAVORITE TV CHANNEL
12:00 WAKE FOREST at #2 CLEMSON CLEM (-21½) ESPN2
12:00 IOWA STATE at #3 OKLAHOMA OU (-30½) FOX
12:00 #4 PENN STATE at NORTHWESTERN PSU (-13½) ABC
12:00 #5 GEORGIA at VANDERBILT UGA (-17) ESPN
3:30 #23 WEST VIRGINIA at #8 TEXAS CHRISTIAN TCU (-13½) FS1
3:30 #13 MIAMI at FLORIDA STATE UM (-3) ESPN
3:30 #21 NOTRE DAME at NORTH CAROLINA ND (-14½) ABC
3:30 LOUISIANA STATE at #21 FLORIDA UF (-2½) CBS
3:30 MINNESOTA at PURDUE PUR (-4) ESPN2
4:00 OREGON STATE at #14 SOUTHERN CAL USC (-34) FOX
7:15 #1 ALABAMA at TEXAS A&M BAMA (-26½) ESPN
7:30 MICHIGAN STATE at #7 MICHIGAN UM (10½) ABC
8:00 #9 WISCONSIN at NEBRASKA UW (-11) BTN
8:00 #11 WASHINGTON STATE at OREGON WSU (-2½) FOX
10:45 CALIFORNIA at #6 WASHINGTON UW (-27½) ESPN

Can't wait for Penn State to trail Northwestern by three at halftime and win by 24. I also don't know what to make of Michigan State at Michigan outside of Ohio will be better for it.

Word of the Day: Demarcate.

 TERRAPIN DOSSIER. Everything you need to know about this afternoon's opponents, the Maryland Terrapins:

Be sure to follow 11W, Dan Hope, Andrew Lind, and James Grega on Twitter for updates live from the Horseshoe.

 BLESSED BE THE GAMBLERS. There are two kinds of gamblers in the world: Those blessed few that prove their fandom by betting on the local team, and those that lie to their friends about it.

May the true soldiers of fortune riding Ohio State (-31½) have luck like they did against Northwestern (+7) four years ago this week:

Say what you want about Brent Musberger. I will miss his blatant gambling references in the aftermath of nationally televised games.

 #PERTINENTWIRE. Hopefully this game is over by halftime so Dwayne Haskins and Demario McCall can put up 500 combined yards in the second half.

PROPHECY: 52-7, local team.

 THOSE WMDs. How to get and keep a bartender's attention... Slow decline of middlebrow chains: A timeline... How the elderly lose their rights... The endless appeal of Olive Garden... Astronomy photographer of the year... How did Piqua gets its name?

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