Folks, it's Thursday.
We all know ain't no work getting done Friday. So let's duck our heads and do some things for our boss today—that way we don't spend Saturday worrying about our next paycheck.
- BGSU game poster
- Urban Meyer presser notes
- Cam Burrows out for the year
- Mike Weber is your 2016 starting running back
Y'ALL THAT RICH? If you're an Ohio State fan interested in attending the Oklahoma or Michigan game, and you have a ticket, give yourself a pat on the back. You handled your business and secured your seat for the lowest possible price.
If you want to attend either of those games and you don't have a ticket, well, I hope you're rich.
Most expensive college FB games by resale ticket list price has Ohio State: 1. Buckeyes-OU, $688 2. Michigan-Buckeyes, $618 (via @Ticket_IQ)— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) August 31, 2016
The idea of spending $600+ on anything but a rent payment makes my palms sweat. So, shout out to anyone with a) that much money and b) willing to spend it on a dicey proposition like a young Ohio State team making its first road start at a place like Gaylord Family-Oklahoma Memorial Stadium.
The Michigan game, however, makes sense. There is no price that won't be worth watching Jim Harbaugh melt down like a Wal-Mart candle under a Wendy's heat lamp.
Thankfully, I have enough money to afford HDTV. If prices continue like this, that's how I'll be watching the team we all love to know for the rest of my life.
DISGUSTING. Bruce Wayne proved unable to crack the psyche of The Joker in The Dark Knight. It was his butler, Alfred, who is way more bad-ass than Batman, who told a bad-ass parable involving a jewel thief they couldn't catch until they burned down the forest in which he hid.
The lesson being, of course, some people just like to see the world burn.
From @cameronolley, who will see his forest home turn to ash later today:
I'm secure in my fanship to admit: Michigan's winged helmets are cool. But scarlet and gray winged helmets can rot in the deepest infernos of Hell.
And no, I don't want to know what it says about my feeble mind that a mere swap of colors and stickers ruins my day.
If you're into this sick stuff, there's plenty of more where that came from.
FALCONS TO KNOW. Here's a fact I looked up last night that most Ohio State fans probably don't know: Their team plays Bowling Green on Saturday.
According to my interns, which are also my cats, Ohio State is a heavy favorite entering the game.
This means the Buckeyes will likely dump the Falcons. The Falcons will then promptly exit the mind of Buckeye Kingdom for the rest of the season.
Until then, however, there are some names to know.
Quarterback James Knapke would be the first player I would mention just because he will be the focal point. Knapke is a fifth-year senior who started the last 13 games for the Falcons in 2014 when Johnson went down in the opener with a season-ending hip injury. Knapke led the Falcons to a division title and his highlight game came in a win against Indiana, where he had 395 yards passing and three touchdowns. Knapke won’t be awed by the size of the stage in this game.
Ronnie Moore is senior wide receiver from Florida that has the speed and quickness to compete with the Buckeyes secondary. He has been part of a deep and talented receiving core for the Falcons the past three years. This year, he will be the veteran, go-to guy for Knapke, as the Falcons will have several new receivers getting their first extended playing time.
Lastly, I will mention Austin Valdez the Falcons leader on defense. Valdez came to Bowling Green in 2013 as a quarterback recruit, but switched to defense in 2014, after red-shirting. He’s blossomed in his new position, leading the team in tackles last season with 144, while being named First Team All-MAC. Earlier this summer, Valdez was named to the Butkus Award and Bednarick Award watch lists for the 2016 season.
Valdez is the most prominent name to know. Kyle Jones, our Xs and Os guru, has pumped him up in our Slack channel all week.
A former two-star dual-threat QB prospect from Sylvania Southview (shoutout to Sylvania), Valdez now plays linebacker like he's Ryan Damn Shazier. That might seem like hyperbole, but his highlight reel speaks for itself:
How did Urban Meyer miss a guy like this!? Makes you think, for sure.
AH, GOOD TIMES. Remember that time in 2012 when Braxton Miller tap-danced over two-thirds of the Penn State defense for the silkiest one-yard touchdown run in Ohio State history?
Braxton Miller does.
From BTN's Instagram account:
My favorite part about this play (other than still hearing Nittany Lions fans shouting, "HOLDING!!!!!!") is it's something that would lead to a broken controller if it happened in NCAA Football.
Four years later, it still defies physics.
OSU TO GROUPS: SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT. As I said Tuesday: Nobody comes before the Ohio State #brand. It's a machine that will put your ass in the ground if you're foolish enough to stand against it.
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Ohio State University is requiring its roughly 150 alumni clubs and societies to keep mum when it comes to disparaging comments about the school, or risk losing money and other perks it provides them. For the most part, they are signing on.
The university says the band controversy isn't connected to the alumni group changes, which it says are stemming from a process that began months before Jonathan Waters' firing in 2014. All but a handful of clubs have signed on, Andy Gurd, the university's chief operating officer, said in an interview with The Associated Press.
"Of course, individual members have every right to speak their minds as private citizens," Gurd said. "But when representing the university as officers of officially sanctioned organizations, they are serving as ambassadors for Ohio State, and the charter simply requires that they do so in alignment with Ohio State values and priorities."
If anyone in Ohio State's shadow army is reading this: Please don't ruin my life until next week. My main goal in life is to write Saturday's Skull Session, and I would appreciate it if you didn't take that from me before you take my freedom.
THOSE WMDs. The unofficial 11W CFB Pick 'Em... The untold story of Michael Jordan's banned sneakers... Maine police hunt an anaconda... Vice shows how not to treat freelancers... Framed: Who would want to harm the PTA mom everyone loved to know?