Saturday Skull Session

Say what you will, but I've never been good at getting mad at college kids doing dumb things. As long as that dumb thing isn't (basically) murder/rape/violence against women. 

Such are the highs and lows of following a team composed of 18-22 year-olds. Unlike us, they don't get older.They're just trapped in the beautiful nativity that is American college life:

So, whatever. Shit happens. Hopefully this doesn't conclude Noah Spence's career at Ohio State, but I would entirely understand if he rolled out, posted freak combine numbers, and became a millionaire by this time next year.  

Anyway, here are the non-Ohio State games I'll be eyeing. It's not a bad slate by any means, but yes, I am legitimately interested in Penn State-Rutgers. (And so began my suicide note...)

THE FLASH FILES. If Ohio State is going to roll soft, at least they're keeping the money in-state. (Lookin' at you, Alabama.) Kent State is 32-point underdogs, so I don't expect much of a contest today.

• Kent State preview.
• Maybe we'll see short throws for long gains against Kent State.
• Chris, Maks, and Jones dropped #takes in the roundtable.
• Walt's game poster is colonial, natch.

I am a bit happier about the bye week, especially with Cincinnati waiting for their crack at the Buckeyes. The stars aren't properly aligned for a true reading, but I feel like I'm more nervous about Cincinnati than any game in recent memory. Gunner Kiel looked like, uh, a gunner last night.

ROLL DAMN TIDE. Here is a 100% real headline from America's finest literary source, Al.com:

Man hides in Nick Saban's bathroom, surprises girlfriend with proposal

Yes, it's true: This couple will be able to tell their children their parents' bonds has roots in the same room Nick Saban defecates and walks around naked. What an Alabama love story this is... and we've only heard the headline.

Clayton, a Mississippi State alum, knew he wanted to do something special to surprise his now-fiancée, Decatur native Kayla Posey, who was finishing up graduate school at the University of Alabama.

A modern day Notebook (which is to say, it is awful).

In the end, only one place in the world made sense for Clayton to ask the most important question of his life.

Nick Saban's office.

This isn't a Facebook post from some guy you sat next to in middle school biology about vaccines at 3:48 on a Tuesday morning. This is a real person, and a real couple.

He swapped out the 2012 BCS National Championship ring on Saban's coffee table with Kayla's custom-made diamond and then retreated to the only place in the office where a man could reasonably hide.

Nick Saban's private bathroom.

"For 30 minutes, my stomach is churning and I'm waiting on Kayla to get back," he said. "It was a very well-kept bathroom, as we would expect from such a perfect coach."

So this man was just hanging out in Nick Saban's shitter for 30 minutes? What? I can barely stand to be in enemy bathroom for more than 3 minutes. It's also cool how he was balancing the gut-churning with opinions on the upkeep of Saban's bathroom. 

And Nick Saban okayed this? What kind of requests must Nick Saban get where a stranger wanting to use his office/bathroom to pop the question to ol' girl is somewhat agreeable? People are freaky.

*pulls up DivorceParlay.xls* Sorry folks, but it must be done....

HAPPY TRAILS, JAYRU. It's going to be the tough way for the former Michigan State commit:

QB Jayru Campbell has been arrested by the school police for assaulting someone at the Cass Tech-Southeastern game.

— Freep H.S. Sports (@freeppreps) September 12, 2014

PERTINENT HEISENBERG. Ohio State might be down but they're not out...

You're going to need a bigger knife, Kent State.

THOSE WMDs. Meet the Deadspin -51*: the most useless thinkers, doers & dreamers... Stop comparing players to Allen Iverson... A man sold a cop a crushed up Pop-Tart, told him it was cocaine... LA's fashion district is the "epicenter" of Mexican cartel money laundering... There's still a Blockbuster?