Ohio State Fans: Stop Sending Memorabilia to Eli Apple's Permanent Address

By D.J. Byrnes on January 18, 2015 at 11:34 am
youre making this guy work too hard, idiots. STOP.

via Flickr

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How about them Buckeyes, eh? The good guys, not some other team, won the 2015 title. The Buckeyes eviscerated Wisconsin, dumped Alabama, and executed Oregon... all on national television in front of the millions of people who said Ohio State couldn't do it. Suck on that one, haters!

And don't confuse my detachment as some moral high ground above the unwashed sports fans; I am one of you. I know of no other drug that can supply the same euphoria as watching Cardale Jones (long may he reign) lift the College Football Playoff trophy. It's something not even a six-year bid in Room 101 could strip from my memory.

And I'm not one quick to judge. As long as it's not unmentionable, and not happening in front of my children cats on my living room floor, I'm not going to get too fired up.

But this stuff? The only thing weirder than this is how unacceptable it is.

My first question is simple: What in the fuck are you people thinking? My second question is where do you people find your self-entitlement? I've seen more self-awareness in a room full of crayon-eating toddlers. 

Have these people ever been inside of a post office? Because you can't claim to care about Eli Apple (or his family) on one hand, and then condemn them to a trip to the post office on the other. It's just not reconcilable. 

And this is for Eli Apple, a guy who made one of the game's bigger plays (pushing that Oregon wide receiver out of the endzone), but imagine what Cardale Jones and Ezekiel Elliott (and their families) must be dealing with. I shudder at the thought.

Ohio State players delivered a championship to their fans, to demand anything else of them is childish. People who participate in this kind of behavior are decidedly bad and should feel bad.

So it is written. So it is decreed.

And in effort to clear the stench of these wretched people off me, and as a token of good faith, here is a photograph of the Apples' adorable dog in a championship hat:

Have a blessed Sunday, y'all. 

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