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From the Lore of Lord Urban of Meyer--"The Wrath of the Terrapins"

+6 HS
MiamiBuckeye's picture
November 18, 2018 at 11:57am
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Welp, that was a wild game. I missed most of it while attending the Miami International Book Fair, but I was able to catch the game via Youtube later in the day. Let's just say I'm very, very happy I wasn't watching it live without knowing the outcome. In the end we won, though I think it's fair to say that barring a pretty epic two game run in The Game and Northwestern, this team is probably not going to the playoffs. The real question is whether that's a good thing or not. I don't think this team has what it takes to beat Clemson or Bama this year. But that's all academic for now. All we can do at the moment is keep rooting for victory. 

Go Buckeyes, Beat Michigan! 

Day the Ten and Eighth of the Eleventh Moon, Year Two Thousand Ten and Eight

For many of the knights and men-at-arms who survived the bloody contest against the terrible Terrapins of Old Queen Mary's Land, the recollections would be etched onto their inmost fiber. Memories of beaks lined in gore and carapaces slick with blood do not so quickly desert the consciences of those who have witnessed such things. 

For Lord Urban of Meyer, the victory over the Terrapins would be a pyrrhic one, as it came at immense cost to his bannermen, and yielded little gain except perhaps continued survival. The reasons for the Ohioan campaign against the Terrapins are shrouded in mystery and speculation. T'was not for any material gain or tangible plunder that Lord Urban risked so many men, so then historians and scholars can only conclude that it was for the sake of a more defensible and secured position that he bade to humble the Terrapins even as a Great War with the Goblins of Michiganus loomed. Indeed, even as the goblins began to beat their drums of stretched skin and blow their cattle horns to marshal their considerable forces, Lord Urban may have perceived a threat to his eastern flank. Long chafing under the tribute system imposed by their Ohioan masters, the Terrapins had been making discontented noises, especially after the recent attack by the Hoosia, who they believed (baselessly) the Ohioans had set upon them. 

In secret the Terrapins amassed weapons, converting crude agricultural tools into vicious arms of war, so that when the armies of Ohio were upon them, they were prepared to strike with hellacious ferocity. So it was that the Terrapins fell upon the men of Columbus as they ate their breakfast in camp. 

Under the leadership of a fearsome warrior known as Makka'Farlan, they swept down upon the eastern camps of the Ohioans, killing hundreds of unprepared men of Columbus. The horns were sounded, and though Sir Dobbins and Sir Haskins gathered their fellow knights and led them in a counter charge, the Terrapins could not be dislodged. Again and again Makka'Farlan and his warriors attacked and retreated, harrying and sowing chaos among the Ohioan ranks. Lord Urban, injured during the initial attack, could do little from his convalescent's tent, and could only watch with mounting concern as his generals failed to settle their ranks or organize a coherent assault. 

In the void created by this absence of leadership, Sir Haskins and Sir Dobbins rallied the knights again and again and ever and anon. For three whole days the battle raged, a back and forth struggle across the marshy grounds of Queen Mary's Land. The combatant's feet churned the field into a morass of mud and blood and filth and sullied armor and broken carapaces. Banners and pennants sagged and fell from their poles and dragged through the mud and no one could be bothered to stoop to pick them from the filth. By night the armies returned to their camp, but this was no true intermission, for under cover of dark both armies sent spies and assassins to burn supplies, steal horses, and cut sleeping throats. 

A war of attrition it was, and though this proved costly to the men of Ohio, it was ever more destructive to the Terrapins, who had not the numbers nor the wealth the repair such devastation as was wrought upon their ranks and their lands. So it was that, after three days, the ranks of the Terrapins at last broke, and their attacks ceased. Many, exhausted, fell on their backs and retreated into their shells, and were thus carved open by the men of Ohio with their swords of silvered steel. Many more escaped into the swamps and bogs, where Lord Urban commanded his men not to follow, for nothing could be gained there. 

Victorious but much diminish'd, Lord Urban of Meyer rose from his sick bed and commanded his armies to retreat and leave behind the bloodied and blasted land of Queen Mary, that they might turn their attention anew to their true foe: the goblins and their evil lord Harbauggio. 

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