I thought it would be nice to compile a list of all the reasons “we don’t give a damn for the whole state of M!ch!g@n” for anyone visiting the site to peruse. I’ve added the broad strokes of why any neutral observer should hate the team up north, but I am sure I have missed many instances. Please try to add sources and/or as much detail as you can as we build up this list:

1835: The Toledo War. TTUN (that territory up north) starts a “war” over the Toledo strip. Congress and the President step in to defend Ohio’s rightful claim. The rabid, aggressive behavior from Michiganders earns the comparison to the wolverine - a nickname they embrace with all the self-awareness of a brick.

1891: 1,000 victories As their fans will eagerly tell you, M!ch!g@n was the first team to reach 1,000 wins. What they’re less likely to tell you is that many of those early wins were against literal high schools, local athletic clubs, and dental schools in “games” that would be more accurately categorized as clinics today - where groups of men showed up to literally learn to play the game. That doesn’t keep their athletic department from claiming the W to this day.

1907: Kicked out of the Big Ten for cheating. TTUN has a long history of skirting the rules, and was actually kicked out of the conference in 1907 for failure to abide by eligibility rules. They were allowed back in ten years later.

1938: Wolverines don’t have wings. The winged helmet is synonymous with M!ch!g@n football, but MSU wore it at least five years earlier. Princeton also wore it before them and won more national titles with it. It’s a stylistic choice that should have stayed in its era with the Chaplin mustache.

1973: Bitter disappointment I. These guys love to whine about rules. Schembechler publicly whines about a conspiracy to keep his team out of the Rose Bowl after a game he didn’t win.

2014: Playing concussed players. If you’re a decent person at all, you care at least a little bit about player safety. If you coach at M!ch!g@n, you don’t.

2016: Bitter disappointment II. Another loss, another M!ch!g@n coach yelling at clouds and suggesting conspiracy.

2019: Shoe theft. How many Wolverines does it take to untie a shoe? No, that’s not a joke. It’s a coordinated effort by a Harbaugh team on gameday.

2020-2023: Unprecedented, proven cheating. And largely getting away with it. Put these years in the same bin as the wins over Ann Arbor High School.

2022: Tunnel fights. Only one team in the conference opts for a single tunnel to be shared by both teams, and one team consistently gets into fights.