BREAKING: BANKRUPTCY COURT SEIZES NEBRASKA'S NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TROPHIES

Federal marshalls forcibly seized Nebraska's three Sears National Championship trophies Monday, after a federal bankruptcy court ordered the repossession of all Sears assets in conjunction with the legendary retailer's bankruptcy filing.  "Turns out that the crystal footballs are three of the most valuable assets available in the Sears bankruptcy," said a bankruptcy expert who spoke on condition of anonymity.  The trophies will be put up for auction, with proceeds paid to Sears creditors.

Absolutely hilarious and worth the read.

Moos did have some good news, though.  "I asked Jim Delany if the Big Ten could help," Moos said.  "And I think the league is going to buy the trophies."

When reached for comment, Delany confirms the league is planning to pay top dollar for two of the trophies.  "We'll send the 1994 trophy to Penn State and 1997 to Michigan," the Big Ten commissioner said.  He added, "How's that for restoring the order?" before cackling like a movie villain, throwing a smoke bomb, and disappearing from the press conference.