The Fake Lantern Campus Week in Review: August 25-31

By The Fake Lantern on September 1, 2013 at 9:00 pm
Planning to annihilate Michigan, while working the night shift.


We asked readers "What day is it?" after waking up on what we believed to be Chittenden.


A 6th-year computer science major still had no idea what to do-while with his life.

OSU Student Wellness began offering free student "sex-cess" guides.

A longboarder masterfully cut off everyone on the sidewalk.

A student who showed up five minutes before class ended got the gist of it.

We sort of interviewed Shamrock Towing.

And Aaron Craft stepped out in a playful sundress: fab or drab?


Hackers were stumped by a student's Buckeyelink password change from "GoBuckeyes6" to "GoBuckeyes7."

A senior English major had yet to write a single essay without using the word "harbinger."

OSU's football coaches were starting to think they should maybe get around to googling Buffalo's roster.

Stat: Urban Meyer followed Braxton Miller and 72 other people before his wife on his new twitter account.

And a survey found 100% of students agreed Meyer should have gone with @Urbzzzz over @OSUCoachMeyer.


The Ohio Union Activities Board announced it would host an "OUABitch" trash talking event.

A cool student raised a hand to say there was an easier way to do it.

An Oval preacher accidentally unconverted like nine people.

And academic advisors across campus suggested maybe just giving up.


The line for Oxley's By The Numbers Café fit the actual mathematical definition of line.

The Lantern became The Fake, Fake Lantern.

An investigative report found that Catfish Biff's was actually fake pizza the whole time.

And Ohio State finally found its lost left shoe.


An international student was late.

Football players were barely able to focus on their basket weaving assignments because of tomorrow's game.

A freshman wore a brand new #5 jersey to class.

President Obama announced he would delay his Syria decision until after the Ohio State game.

And Urban Meyer was unsure how he kept getting stuck with the dorm office assistant night shift.

Saturday (Game Day)

A drunk guy carefully weighed his decision to yell "O-H" or not.

A Buffalo player announced he was a huge Buckeyes fan.

The referees used Ohio Stadium's new internet service to twitter search if they had blown any calls.

Students agreed their game day sunburns were worth it.

And our statisticians calculated that like half of Ohio State's undergrads were in high school the last time the football team lost.

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