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How badly should I humiliate my brother?

Dongbrake44's picture
August 28, 2014 at 11:48am

So my brother's getting married this weekend on Sunday evening, so far so good. HOWEVER, his rehearsal "lunch" is at noon, Saturday, at a somewhat-upscale restaurant which I highly doubt has CBSSports. My entire family are lifelong Buckeye fans, born and raised in Columbus. I'm the best man and have yet to finish my best man speech for the wedding.


My question is: Should I really twist the knife and berate him for missing the Buckeye opener during the speech, or swallow my pride and not mention it. My wife, who's as upset as I am that we can't watch it, thinks I shouldn't mention it. A best man speech "is not the time nor the place," she says.



Baroclinicity's picture

Don't do anything that would piss off the bride.  You'll never be able to undo this weekend.

When you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

+5 HS
brandonbauer87's picture

I'd just hold it against him for a while. No need to make any awkward silence during your speech. 

+3 HS
Buckeye Knight's picture

Not his fault, it must be the bride's fault.

In all seriousness, I wouldn't mention it publicly during your speech.

+22 HS
Byaaaahhh's picture

If the bride is cool, you get one sentence and nothing more. If your speech is during the game, I'd just work in, "by the way, the score is ___ and ___." and move on. It references the fact that a game is happening and you're missing it for this and I know I'd appreciate it if I had to miss the game for this.

+6 HS
Bucki78's picture

"But I don't have to rely on a lot of people to tell me about the traditions of Ohio State. I lived it, I breathed it, I know it and I love it." - Urban Meyer

BuckeyeJosh's picture

Well, at the very least you could give everyone a score update on Saturday.

What Would Troy Smith Do's picture

If the bride won't be pissed and has a good sense of humor.........blast away.  Otherwise, this nefarious timing is probably her doing and your brother is being dragged along.  No reason to get him in trouble.

OSU725's picture

Well, that is unfortunate. Guessing it is likely his wife that made that call though. I would leave it alone (I agree with our wife), record the game and hope that no one ruins it. Good Luck!!!

RubixTube's picture

I say let him live.....  He's got a lifetime of being berated/insulted by his wife for his poor choices.

Never before in the history of man have lives less lived been more chronicled. - Dennis Miller

+5 HS
mh277907's picture

What a cruel joke.. "Hey guys. I'm having a fall wedding. Don't worry though. It's on a Sunday before the NFL starts!! Oh, but the rehearsal dinner is on Saturday during the OSU game."


+6 HS
InTressITrust's picture

I just wouldn't go. Host another rehearsal lunch at a sports bar and invite all the guests.  If the bride gets angry about this you just saved him a couple year mistake.

"I'm not going to lie. We're anxious to be a part of a matchup like that. It's two states that love the game of football." -Jim Tressel

+7 HS
awlinBrutus's picture

Sounds like your brother is whipped already. Most wedding rehearsals are dinners on Friday night, not @ noon on gameday. he needs to get his head out of his ann arbor imo.


+9 HS
Kindell's picture

We were supposed to go to a wedding for a cousin or something.  I was the one who found the invite in the mail and tossed it before my wife could see it.  So far I am in the clear.

+16 HS
awlinBrutus's picture



+2 HS
Kindell's picture

Haha.  I figured it was fate because I never check the mail.  Everyday I come home expecting my wife to give me that stare, but it hasn't happened.  Ill go to her next one if she is smart enough to have it a different time of year.

+1 HS
thirtytrap's picture

He is your brother.... No quarter is asked nor given!!!!

+1 HS
MAJbucksfan's picture

Start the toast with something like... "I was planning to prepare a toast ahead of time, but I spent the last 2 weeks trying to get signed up for a DVR package on my cable plan, so bear with me..."

+3 HS
VintonCountyBuck's picture

F*ck that

“Right now, Michigan is not at the pinnacle of college football, and that’s all Urban Meyer cares about...He’s been there and knows what it takes to get there.” 

+2 HS
Buckeyeneer's picture

My brother got married during the Wisconsin game last year. I made one comment and moved on. My best man speech began with:

"Thank you all for coming to my brother's wedding reception . . . even though it was scheduled during the Ohio State/Wisconsin game . . . because apparently Christmas Day and Easter were already taken."

It got big laughs and I got to get a dig in to the bride and groom.

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes

THE Ohio State University

+6 HS
AndyVance's picture

That's pitch perfect. That line and a score update will be perfect.

+2 HS
ponder10's picture

It's just the rehearsal... dont go.

“In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught.” ~ Baba Dioum

+1 HS
Squirrel Master's picture

I'll write your speech for you but you have to give it right at the beginning of the lunch, noon sharp.

"Good afternoon everyone! I love my brother, I love his future wife, but I love the buckeyes too much to waste another second here. This lunch is done, have a wonderful afternoon. We're out!"

drop the mic and walk off.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

+6 HS
Squirrel Master's picture

BTW, I got married on the Saturday of the Akron game in 2011. My reasoning:

  • Tressel is gone, TP is gone
  • Joe Bauserman was starting
  • wedding started at 5pm, we still watched it in the hotel. Limo waited outside until we watched the last play

I think I found the perfect year to do something so blasphemous. My wife was lucky we decided to get married that year and not any other year.

I saw a UFO once.......it told me to have a goodyear!

Vinsaniti's picture

I'd say let him live another day and give him a hard time afterward while drinking a few beers. I grew up in columbus and a huge buckeye fan and my dad got married on The Game in 1998. Let me tell you I was not a happy kid until I found out we won.

+2 HS
airbuckeye's picture

I Love Squirrel's response and thats just  what i would do and every who know's me would exspect nothing less from me when it comes to a Buckeye game.

Bugsyk's picture

If you're going to mention it, preface it with "There is no greater love than a man who'd put his wife before his Buckeyes..."

+5 HS
apack614's picture

Rehearsal= Practice

Don't get me started on practice...

I can't wait to poop in the PL bathroom.

+6 HS
sjOH1OSt's picture


How firm thy friendship

+1 HS
Keyser Soze's picture

My question is why isn't it a rehearsal DINNER? if your brother has any nuts he would have demanded it be moved to at minimum late lunch at 4. I would do just like squirrel said ...see ya and drop the mike....

why would someone let something like this happen, the Sunday wedding is perfect and then she schedules it for lunch... when there is a noon game? If the actual wedding was on Saturday then at least you missed the game because of a stupid wedding but to miss it for a rehearsal dinner... I mean lunch? Hell no!!!

The couple should know better and if they don't then they deserve to dine alone....

That's how winners play. We convince the other guy he's making all the right moves.

Buckeye in Illini country's picture

I believe Ramzy wrote something about this topic and fall weddings.  Options: 1. Don't go.  2.  Berate your brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law; let them know this type of thing is unacceptable.  Get internet radio on your phone and listen to the game during the lunch.

Columbus to Pasadena: 35 hours.  We're on a road trip through the desert looking for strippers and cocaine... and Rose Bowl wins!

osu78's picture

Bring a radio. Put in an earphone. Break into speech to announce big play or touchdown.

+1 HS
Seattle Linga's picture

Followed by "sorry some things are a little more important Bro"

-1 HS
droessl's picture

I'm of the opinion that the best man speech is a perfect time to toss out a couple ball breaking lines. Not saying it should be a roast by any means, but I don't think a little jab is out of line. 

dubjayfootball90's picture

does not hurt to throw a little jab in there. Make sure you just don't keep harping on it, could get old, especially if others in the crowd are just not into football, but making a funny little anecdote out of it would probably be good humor. Go for it! But afterwards, compliment the bride on how pretty she looks. Always have to go back to that

You can feed a bobcat all the chili it wants. That don't mean it's going to crap out diamonds.