Fifteen Weeks: Your College Football Gameday Guide for 2014

By Ramzy Nasrallah on August 13, 2014 at 10:45a
Ohio State vs. Michigan, 2006
72 Comments

Fifteen consecutive Saturdays of college football bliss await you.

Your Buckeyes are currently scheduled to play in 12 of them with a 13th penciled in for Indianapolis the first weekend in December. As is always this case this time of year, it is an exceptionally great time to be alive.

Just walking blindly into those Saturdays is fine, but if you want to maximize the bounty of entertainment this precious season delivers each weekend you need a plan and you need to be informed. Take command of your football season. Understand what's at stake here: You're going to blink and we'll be in 2015, freezing and waiting for next season. College football slows down for no one.

So here are those 15 Saturdays laid out for you, Buckeye fan, to make the most of them - and hopefully you already remembered to not get married during any of those 15 weeks. 

Eleven Warriors' 2014 Ohio State Football Season Preview

Week One: Navy | Aug 30

Venue Where WHEN Television
M&T Bank Stadium Baltimore, MD Noon EDT CBS Sports Network

Your day: It begins at 8:30am when Penn State kicks off against UCF in Ireland. After the Buckeyes play you get Alabama/West Virginia from Atlanta, Cal/Northwestern and Clemson/Georgia. That's a really nice opening Saturday. Good job, college football.

Navy threat level: Elevated. The Midshipmen finished 9-4 last year including a win at Indiana - or as ESPN might frame it, undefeated against the Big Ten in 2013.

Opponent previous week: Evildoers. Thank you for keeping America safe, Navy.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: You know Get in the Hole guy. He screams his signature line at golf tournaments. He shouts it at the Golden Tee machine. He even practices saying it at himself in the bathroom mirror. He loves the sound of his own voice.

navy beats notre dame
Navy: Big fans of Charlie Weis-coached teams.

Get in the Hole guy's hot sports takes are meticulously borrowed from the crusty white spittle that collects in the corners of both Mike & Mike and Colin Cowherd's mouths on ESPN radio. This week, he thinks Ohio State should win by 50. If they don't it's time to question everything in Columbus. They're a contender or a fraud. MUST CHOOSE ONE.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Appalachian State, during the Buckeye game. And they should murder them this time. Dave Brandon will briefly tinker with a Redemption™ in the Big House® t-shirt concept. Then he'll be distracted by how spicy his latte is, forget what he was thinking about and quickly move onto the next big #idea.

Your night: Ohio State is undefeated and you've got two feet, both legs and your entire torso immersed in football season. Florida State plays Oklahoma State at Jerryworld and LSU plays Wisconsin in Houston.

You might even stay up late enough to catch Chris Petersen's Washington debut at Hawaii. It's on the same channel as Ohio State/Navy, but you already forgot what that was.


Week 2: VA TECH | SEPT 6

Venue Where WHEN TELEVISION
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH 8pm EDT ESPN (there's NASCAR on ABC)

Your day: The cupcake industry may have collapsed, but it's a burgeoning enterprise to start Week 2, as inexplicably Penn State/Akron is your marquee noon game. Everything else early on is frosting and filler.

USC/Stanford salvages the afternoon and then both Sparty/Oregon and BYU/Texas get going around dinner time. Prime time is Ohio State time.

hokies
Virginia Tech: Always menacing.

Tech threat level: Elevated. Beamerball may be slightly off-peak but it does not slouch.

Opponent previous week: It was Virginia Tech, William & Mary all romping together in Lane Stadium. A devil's three-way. Everyone won but felt dirty about it afterwards.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Virginia Tech is like playing a Tressel team. Watch the punt block. Something something something Metallica."

Michigan is playing _______ this week: at Notre Dame, while Ohio State is playing.

Your night: Getting used to evening Buckeye games, because they're going to happen a lot this year.


Week 3: KENT ST | SEPT 13

Venue Where WHEN Television
Ohio Stadium Columbus Noon EDT Either ABC, ESPN or ESPN2

Your day: A traditional MAC nooner against an in-state comrade, which is exponentially better than transferring Ohio money to Florida A&M or Eastern Michigan, two completely purposeless opponents the athletic department has paid off recently. Ohio state schools playing OSU keeps the money flowing in the Pearl of the Midwest and not out of it.

Golden Flash threat level: None. This is the annual Now We Know Who's Gonna Redshirt game.

Kent State safety
KSU tailback vs. invisible banana peel

Opponent previous week: The South Alabama Jaguars, where the mascot is not pronounced Jag-wars or Jag-u-ars, but Jay-ug-wors. Same spelling; three totally different cats.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "[every Ohio school goes here] is full of guys who have a chip on their shoulder for not being recruited by Ohio State. Don't be surprised if they catch the Buckeyes off-guard." GitHG firmly believes the MAC is constructed out of 100% sour grapes.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Miami. The Miami that plays its home games in front of almost no fans. Um, I mean the Miami that has been disappointing lately. Uh, the Miami where that famous NFL quarterback attended. Damn it, the Ohio one.

Your night: Georgia/South Carolina kicks off right after the Ohio State game. Tennessee/Oklahoma and Texas/UCLA both play in prime time. Football. *smitten sigh*


Week 4: BYE | SEPT 20

GAMES TO WATCH While Ohio STATE IS OFF WHEN TELEVISION
Clemson at Florida State TBA TBA
Florida at Alabama TBA TBA
Indiana at Missouri TBA TBA
Oklahoma at West Virginia TBA TBA
Utah at Michigan TBA TBA
Iowa at Pittsburgh TBA TBA
Oregon at Washington State Late TBA
Miami (the Florida one) at Nebraska 8pm ABC/ESPN/ESPN2

You will not do chores. You will not do yardwork. You will not be productive.

You already have Saturday plans. Football season does not rest.


Week 5: CINCI | SEPT 27

VENUE Where WHEN Television
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH 6pm EDT BTN

Your day: You're going to Columbus and attending the Eleven Dubgate.

bUCkeye state
Ohio State's overzealous trademark lawyers hate this shirt far more than you do.

Bearcat threat level: Elevated. Whereas Kent State, Miami, Bowling Green, Toledo, Akron or Ohio could all be considered friendlies, Cincinnati brings conspicuous animus into any meeting with the Buckeyes.

Opponent previous week: Miami. The Miami that plays in front of no fans. Um, I mean the Miami that has been disappoin- damn it, the Ohio one again.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Urban has never beaten Tommy Tuberville." (this is true, but GitHG will make it the prevailing piece of dated analysis throughout the week.)

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Minnesota. This is the game that was artistically rendered into Dave Brandon's brilliant Experience Michigan Stadium as a Group promotion. There will be two suns shining on Ann Arbor that afternoon. (Seriously, look at the picture in that link. Michigan is not of this galaxy.)

Your night: Bearcats at twilight. You can catch the end of Illinois/Nebraska in prime time when the Buckeyes finish. I hear Out R Inn has televisions. Just a rumor.


Week 6: MARYLAND | OCT 4

VENUE Where WHEN Television
Byrd Stadium College Park, MD Noon or 3:30pm EDT ABC/ESPN or BTN

Your day: It's Ohio State's second trip to Maryland, but its first trip to Maryland. We're not sure when this one kicks yet, but the sunshine games of note are Stanford/Notre Dame, Florida/Tennessee, LSU/Auburn and Wisconsin/Northwestern.

fumblllllle
Maryland highlights vs. West Virginia

Terp threat level: Normal. It's Maryland's first-ever B1G home game and it has enough players to make any game interesting. Hopefully not too interesting.

Opponent previous week: at Indiana, which means the Terp offense's confidence is likely soaring. Both Maryland and the Buckeyes are barreling into a bye week, so no one can be accused of looking ahead to anything.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "If you control Stephon Diggs, you control Maryland." [hey, name any other Maryland player]. "I can't. Exactly my point."

Michigan is playing _______ this week: at Rutgers, under the lights. 

Your night: Nebraska at Sparty. Your last chance to see East Lansing at night without your stomach in knots.


Week 7: BYE | OCT 11

GAMES TO WATCH WHILE OHIO STATE IS OFF WHEN TV
Indiana at Iowa Noon EDT CBSSN
Alabama at Arkansas TBA TBA
Illinois at Wisconsin TBA TBA
LSU at Florida TBA TBA
Northwestern at Minnesota TBA TBA
Oklahoma at Texas TBA TBA
Oregon at UCLA TBA TBA
Southern Cal at Arizona TBA TBA
Penn State at Michigan 7pm EDT ESPN/ESPN2

Your couch is your friend today. Just remember to get up and walk around every hour or so - blood clots are bad, but emergency room televisions generally have Judge Judy on repeat, so that's worse.

Imagine missing a game because you were too lazy to stand up a couple of times. You'd never forgive yourself. Skip the cooler at your feet this week and force yourself to walk to the actual fridge.


Week 8: RUTGERS | OCT 18

Venue Where WHEN TELEVISION
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH 3:30pm EDT ABC, ESPN/ESPN2 or BTN
You R B1G
Yes. U. R.

Your day: It's a B1G Throwback to the Future day, with a soon-to-be-classic nooner Iowa-Maryland and traditional lunchtime fare Purdue-Minnesota to occupy you until Ohio State's homecoming game begins. 

Scarlet Knight threat level: None. This will be the ugliest Scarlet on Scarlet crime since San Diego State visited Columbus last season.

Opponent previous week: Bye week, aka Rutgers literally caught a break.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Finally, New York gets to see what this Ohio State football thing is like with their own eyes. This is the real value of Rutgers joining the conference: Exposure."

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Nobody. Or as a handsome officially-licensed shirt might put it: Victors™ Take a Week Off® Week 2014.

Your night: Nebraska visits Evanston for happy hour, Iowa State plays on the Longhorn Network [whatever is going through your head right now is totally justified] and both Notre Dame/Florida State and Texas A&M/Alabama are still in limbo time-wise. Prime time would be sublime.


Week 9: PENN STATE | OCT 25

VENUE Where WHEN TELEVISION
Beaver Stadium State College, PA 8pm EDT Either ABC, ESPN or ESPN2

Your day: Another B1G brunch: Maryland/Wisconsin and Minnesota/Illinois whet the palate for two of America's hate-iest rivalries - Alabama/Tennessee and the Michigan state championship game.

Nittany Lion threat level: Elevated. State College at night for Penn State's least-favorite visitor, which hung 63 points on them last year. If air fresheners made a hostility scent it would smell like this game.

sad penn state fan
The Nutcracker: Never forget.

Opponent previous week: Bye week. Penn State gets a break before both Ohio State and Michigan this season. Don't let this manufactured scheduling advantage dissuade you from the huge conspiracy against Penn State, sheeple. This is merely one of the devil's tricks.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: Shower joke. Pedophile joke. Both of those get high marks among the demographic that routinely fist-bumps GitHG, since child rape is always hilarious. You're probably not nuanced or edgy enough to appreciate it.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Little Brother. And they'll probably let Sparty win again because that's just what cool big brothers do.

Your night: Listening to 100,000 alabaster-clad Pennsylvanians do the Seven Nation Army chant for hopefully no more than one half of football. And then a disturbed, ambient hush disrupted by the occasional band interlude for the rest of the night.


Week 10: ILLINOIS | NOV 1

Venue Where WHEN TELEVISION
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH 8pm EDT ABC, ESPN or ESPN2

Your day: It begins with a Halloween-sized hangover from the previous evening's shenanigans, tinged with the shame that you still celebrate a holiday specifically designed to fast-track our future leaders into pre-adolescent diabetes.

But make no mistake about it: This is the best college football weekend of the year because Daylight Savings ends, giving you an extra hour to enjoy it all. The WGOCP kicks off in the afternoon.

Illini threat level: Low. Illinois hasn't won a roadie outside the state of Indiana since 2010.

ohio state illinois
Illinois: DON'T GIVE IT TO HYDE. PLEASE NO NO AHHH

Opponent previous week: Illini homecoming opponent Minnesota. Man, that 3rd quarter Bring Back Zook chant was super awkward.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Illinois has a long history of upsetting Ohio State in Columbus. Sure, all of those victorious Illini teams were, at worst, very good - but you never know, the next Dana Howard or Simeon Rice could be hiding on this year's team."

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Indiana at the Big House. Take the over, per usual.

Your night: Shampoo effect. Halloween weekend in college football is the best the season has to offer. Moving Illinois to prime time was brilliant, especially with an extra hour of sleep built into the calendar - with sincere apologies to parents of small children who do not give a single damn about what the clock says. They just want you to make them pancakes.


Week 11: MSU | NOV 8

STADIUM Where WHEN TELEVISION
Spartan Stadium East Lansing, MI 8pm EST ABC

Your day: Bats, spiders, goblins, snakes, nerves. Actual nerves. There's no shame in wearing an adult diaper today. Or ever, really.

Sparty threat level: High. Ohio State has lost in East Lansing exactly one time over the past 25 years. That's a raw meat statistic for Mark Dantonio. He loves raw meat. He is raw meat.

Opponent previous week: Bye week. Hmm. This keeps happening.

ohio state sparty
Time Machine: When it was a No Fly Zone.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Can Ohio State finally beat a ranked team under Urban Meyer?" Other than the five ranked teams Ohio State has beaten under Urban Meyer. Remember: Those don't count, probably because Ohio State beat them. [picks up goalposts; hastily shifts them to another location]

Michigan is playing _______ this week: in Evanston, the scene of last year's thrilling 3OT victory which turned out to be the Wolverines' final win of 2013. It was their only victory after Oct 19. And yet The Game still came down to Al Borges pocketing his unstoppable two-point conversation play and saving it for the Buffalo Wild Wings bowl.

Your night: Alabama/LSU kicks off in parallel to Ohio State/Michigan State. Adult diapers might be hard to find if you wait too long.


Week 12: MINNESOTA | NOV 15

VENUE Where WHEN TELEVISION
TCF Bank Stadium Minneapolis, MN Noon or 3:30pm EST ABC/ESPN or BTN

Your day: We're not yet sure when the Buckeyes and Gophers kick off, but it probably won't be at night. Oddly, Northwestern has Notre Dame today and Penn State gets Temple. Florida State/Miami, Auburn/Georgia and Nebraska/Wisconsin are happening as well. Fun.

Gopher threat level: Elevated. No more Minnesota Nice.

Goldy abs
Minnesota upgraded. Goldy has abs now.

Opponent previous week: Iowa, in Minneapolis. The Gophers might have recaptured Floyd of Rosedale, but they definitely will be sore, because that's what happens when you play Iowa. It's like getting into a fist-fight with a safe.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: Jerry Kill seizure joke. Because epilepsy, like child rape, is hilarious.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Its second bye week. Waiting patiently.

Your night: Sparty visits Maryland. When you're wearing the ring you get the finest table in the restaurant, and your reservations for prime time are always accepted.


Week 13: INDIANA | NOV 22

VENUE Where WHEN TELEVISION
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH Noon or 3:30pm EST ABC/ESPN or BTN

Your day: Here are some of the SEC's "opponents" today, in late November: Charleston Southern (Georgia), Eastern Kentucky (Florida), Samford (Auburn), South Alabama (Carolina), Western Carolina (Alabama). It's almost as though they've camouflaged a bye week right before rivalry games. Neat.

indiana unis
Indiana now has more helmets than wins.

Hoosier threat level: Low. Sure, IU should be a fringe bowl team playing for a postseason destination named Pinstripe or Kraft Fight Hunger, combined with Michigan looming the following week - but Indiana hasn't won a road game since 2010.

Opponent previous week: Rutgers. < - - - coincidentally, IU's best shot at a road win in 2014. 

The Get in the Hole guy's take: "Indiana is a basketball school." That's just stupid. Indiana is a baseball school.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: Maryland, in Ann Arbor for Senior Day. Devin Gardner's last home game after six years of college. Frank Clark is a senior. Jake Ryan is a RS senior. Name one more Michigan senior. You can't, can you. Oh, Rich Rod.

Your night: It's Michigan week. Indigestion is strangely comforting.


Week 14: MICHIGAN | NOV 29

VENUE Where WHEN TELEVISION
Ohio Stadium Columbus, OH Noon or 3:30pm EST ABC or ESPN

Your day: It begins with nervous vomiting, per the usual tradition started by our Ohio ancestors over 100 years ago. If you're so young that you're still unsure as to why today is so nerve-wracking, on behalf of everyone born prior to 1983 we all hate you and wish we could be you.

michigan
The team, the team, the team.

Michigan threat level: High. Three-game losing streaks in this series are unkind, and this is one of three 2014 games Michigan is not allowed to lose. Like, 300% more forbidden than any other normal season.

Opponent previous week: Maryland

The Get in the Hole guy's take: Fuck Michigan. (hey, GitHG isn't always wrong.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: For Brady Hoke's job, and maybe Brandon's too.

Your night: Jubilation. Merriment. Or alternatively, in the throes of a breathless anguish that won't subside for at least one full year.


Week 15: B1G CG | DEC 6

VENUE Where WHEN TELEVISION
Lucas Oil Stadium Indianapolis, IN 8pm EST Fox

Your day: The Big XII and AAC play regular season finales today, overshadowing conference title games from the SEC (4pm), ACC (8pm) and Big Ten.

Just four schools have graced the B1G title game - Michigan State, Nebraska, Ohio State and Wisconsin. The likelihood of that number remaining constant after the 2014 season is very strong.

GIVE IT TO HYDE
More of this, please. *sigh*

Western Division champ threat level: High. The Buckeyes have never won this ga-[twitch] GIVE IT TO HYDE. JUST GIVE THE BALL TO CARLOS HYDE.

Opponent previous week: Iowa played Nebraska, Wisconsin played Minnesota and Northwestern played Illinois. It's one of those teams.

The Get in the Hole guy's take: He started the season putting a fraud alert on Ohio State, and should the Buckeyes return to Indianapolis they'll end it the same way - because somehow there's a fine line between Contender and Fraud when your brain cells are lubricated with Four Loco and too much sports talk radio.

Michigan is playing _______ this week: with itself.

Your night: Hopefully anywhere in the world other than sitting on a golf cart eating shitty pizza in the bowels of an NFL stadium.

72 Comments

Comments

Matt M.'s picture

Holy crap, I love this post! Hype level... rising.

+7 HS
The Urban Legend's picture

A great helpful article. Love the Miami digs. 

The Legend continues

+5 HS
Seattle Linga's picture

Ramzy --- Spot on nice article - You're 100% correct, this season will be flying by us so quickly and it will seem like it will be over before it starts. Nice picture of the _ichigan knuckleheads. That's one for the ages!  

+3 HS
Hovenaut's picture

No shitty pizza this year (announcing a moratorium on any more Hot-n-Ready threads - you sickos)...

Two weeks and change...

+4 HS
avail31678's picture

Holy crap, Hove....two weeks and change INDEED!  Obviously I know the date of kickoff, but to hear it out loud as "two weeks..." gave me actual goosebumps just now.

+1 HS
Earle's picture

announcing a moratorium on any more Hot-n-Ready threads

Do not toy with us, Hove.

Italics are for emphasis.

+2 HS
causeicouldntgo43's picture

New banner this year in the WHAC: instead of "The Chase", it will say "No More Shitty Pizza". Great run-down Ramzy!

+5 HS
DMcDougal24's picture

Can we get this in a PDF or printable format? I'd love to print it for reference 

+6 HS
Idaho Helga's picture

Please!  ^^^^^

Lots here to love but the best was reading who TTUN will be playing with the week after they are playing tOSU.

+1 HS
BuckeyeJosh's picture

I was hoping they would be playing with the idea of keeping Hoke after an 8 win year...because, you know, progress.

"Football is, after all, a wonderful way to get rid of your aggressions without going to jail for it."     -Woody Hayes

Frostybuck88's picture

Priceless Ramzy... GitHG!?  Now that is fucking hilarious!

The Dude abides...

+2 HS
southbuc's picture

NO MORE NOON GAMES!!!!!

+1 HS
fear_the_nut70's picture

Yes.  That is 9 (or 10) am here in the west.  I hate the pangs of guilt that sometmes swell up with my liquid breakfast.

+1 HS
BucksfanXC's picture

Printed and hung up next to my calendar.

My kids are totally waking me up for pancakes every Sunday morning, not just Halloween.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

+1 HS
BuckeyeMike74's picture

Love this!  Except when the memories of last year's B1G Championship Game came flooding back with the line: "GIVE IT TO HYDE. JUST GIVE THE BALL TO CARLOS HYDE."  

That was a bad night...

+4 HS
Tater_Schroeder's picture

Opponent previous week: Evildoers. Thank you for keeping America safe, Navy.

One of my favorite lines of all-time. 

How Firm Thy Friendship

+8 HS
I_Run_The_Dave's picture

To be fair, Navy = The US Naval Academy.  Which, generally speaking, is a school of cadets who haven't yet served an actual day of duty yet.  That isn't to say that they won't have illustrious careers of kicking the s*&% out of evildoers in the future.  They just haven't yet, at that point.

-2 HS
Denster's picture

Thanks for that.

"It's a double-barreled pistol that fires hard work and victory..."

+2 HS
Tater_Schroeder's picture

Here I go again, UV'ing to cancel out odd DVs for a good educational post. 

How Firm Thy Friendship

bucks4nuts's picture

Awesome post 

"To The House"

bstadnik's picture

That's gold Jerry, Gold!

Brian

Go Bucks!

+4 HS
Earle's picture

Is that Rutgers graphic even real??

Italics are for emphasis.

kiester's picture

Bookmarking this page to be referenced each week of football season. Thanks so much. 

What Would Troy Smith Do's picture

Hey, if you have to eat fast food pizza Papa Johns is the way to go. I like theirs the best. Just imagine if you had to eat Little Caesar's. *Shudder*

Edit: Apologies to Hove as I didn't read his Hot N Ready post before bringing it up.

+1 HS
fear_the_nut70's picture

I can't get the image of that creepy papa john guy out of my head (he is like the kid from the Munsters all grows up).  That, or I am not a fan of crappy over-priced chain pizza.

Myc24's picture

17 days. 17 days. 17 days. My countdown clock needs to move faster! 
 

"Because I couldn't go for three!"  - Wayne Woodrow Hayes

+2 HS
Wilkins78's picture

I feel like there needs to be a RMoG for Get in the Hole Guy.

+1 HS
Boxley's picture

Killin it, just killin it, as usual. Smoked another one Ramzy.

Thank you. Wednesday is my favorite, (non season) 11W day.

"...the man who really counts in the world is the doer, not the mere critic-the man who actually does the work, even if roughly and imperfectly, not the man who only talks or writes about how it ought to be done." President T. Roosevelt

apack614's picture

The Buckeyes have never won this ga-[twitch] GIVE IT TO HYDE. JUST GIVE THE BALL TO CARLOS HYDE.

I almost got yelled at because I couldn't control my laughter after reading this.

"If we worked half as hard as our band, we'd be champions." - Woody Hayes

+1 HS
SLVRBLLTS's picture

Did anyone else hear Mark May's voice for the Get in the Hole Guy?

"Because we couldn't go for three"

+6 HS
causeicouldntgo43's picture

Hate that damn "get in the hole guy". Wish there was a way they could taze them as soon as they yell after a golf shot. Funny how there isn't a "Get in the hole girl". Guess it's not a proper thing for a lady to say......

+2 HS
fear_the_nut70's picture

That is why Get in the Hole Guy is often alone.

+1 HS
jedkat's picture

now that you mention it, I think I ran into one of those girls in college...

“The teams that don’t respect their coaches and don’t trust their coaches are the teams that go .500"
~Zach Boren

thevman19's picture

Great write up Ramzy. Love that final who Michigan plays...itself..priceless!

The road to nowhere leads to me...

+2 HS
dubjayfootball90's picture

Gold:

Opponent previous week: The South Alabama Jaguars, where the mascot is not pronounced Jag-wars or Jag-u-ars, but Jay-ug-wors. Same spelling; three totally different cats.

Awesome article and great lunchtime read for me.

You can feed a bobcat all the chili it wants. That don't mean it's going to crap out diamonds.

+1 HS
acBuckeye's picture

Opponent previous week: Iowa played Nebraska, Wisconsin played Minnesota and Northwestern played Illinois. It's one of those teams.

So you're saying it won't be Purdue?

+1 HS
shadybuck's picture

I'm pretty sure Taivon Jacobs plays for Maryland

... but after that i'm out

osu_killernuts's picture

This made my noon lunch today, great read

Hate is a strong word.  I hate ESecPN almost as much as I hate the whole SEC conference which is a close second to TTUN.

+2 HS
JoeAndSo's picture

Ohio State has lost in East Lansing exactly one time over the past 25 years

Yet they think they are some sort of dynasty now..

+2 HS
M Man's picture

True fact; in the last 25 years, Ohio State has gone to East Lansing to play football against the Spartans just eight times.  Somebody check my math.

Crumb's picture

7-1 is still a pretty good record against one team at their place.

"The only good thing about it is winning the d*** thing" - Urban Meyer on The Game The War

+4 HS
THE's picture

True fact; In the last 25 years, Michigan has gone to East Lansing to play football against the Spartans thirteen times.  Of those thirteen trips, they are just 6-7.  

Drivin > Disco > Drivin.
To the people in the bathroom, how's it going in there?

+4 HS
JoeAndSo's picture

Looks about right,

http://football.stassen.com/cgi-bin/records/opp-opp.pl?start=1989&end=20...

by the way, football.stassen.com is one of the sweetest sites when it comes to college football data. I go there all the time when Michigan fan needs corrected on how great their teams all time record actually is..

THE's picture

They count wins over high schools, mens clubs and YMCAs! Pfffffffft. 

Drivin > Disco > Drivin.
To the people in the bathroom, how's it going in there?

ISURVIVEDCOOPER's picture

This is inspiring me - need to go buy some bourbon for the season.

"I don't apologize for anything.  When I make a mistake, I take the blame and go on from there." - Woody Hayes

+2 HS
cplunk's picture

One of my favorite days each year is when we finally get close enough to football season that I go ahead and enter every game on my calendar. That day was today. They're all there, from "OSU vs. Navy" to "B1G Champ Game, OSU vs TBD".

+2 HS
mr.green's picture

i did this yesterday! so close.

causeicouldntgo43's picture

Remember you married and otherwise committed guys - do this in January to stake out your territory - it's too late to do it now unless you want a big fat Greek wedding showing up on a Fall Saturday.

Barnsey69's picture

Michigan is playing _______ this week: with itself.

Awesome post Ramzy, but this is the cherry on top!

My anticipation level for College Football ihas reached critical mass thanks to this masterpiece, and I may now have to watch the 2002 Championship Game tonight...in the middle of Shark Week no less!  

Bravo sir and GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO BUCKS!

Thank the Maker that I was born in Ohio, cradle of coaches, US Presidents, confederate-stomping Generals, and home of The Ohio State University Football Buckeyes!

+4 HS
TheNorthernBuckeye's picture

Beyond excited!! I would also like to share that I choked on my Pad Thai multiple times while reading this post. Very funny, well done! 

"You're an angry football team, and I'm proud to be your coach." - UFM

+2 HS
OSUHook's picture

Holy shit... For me this is another "I wish I could read this again for the first time!" Ramzy articles!! Brothers, embrace these 15 Saturdays because without a doubt another season will fly by, just as this eliquent article has..... GO Bucks!!!

For those of us who will be forced to attend a "friend" or "family"wedding, let your voice and opinion be heard. Fear not the backlash, you are correct to feel betrayed, harness and educate yourself through Ramzys powerful article of this very subject. BTW, Life is too short to drink crappy beer!

Go Bucks!!!!

+4 HS
ShowThemOhiosHere's picture

Now this is quite a guide.  Despite all of the "Elevated" or higher threats from most of the opposition, I'm sure the talking dickheads at ESPN and other various media outlets will do the "weak schedule" shit again.

If the Buckeyes can be B1G champions, then Urban can eat all the shitty pizza he wants.  Hell, he can take that shitty pizza to the podium with him.  Raise it in the air with the trophy, eat it while he's being interviewed (I think it would be hilarious to hear Urban talk on national TV with food in his mouth).  Can't wait.

Class of 2010.

+2 HS
Buckeyeball043's picture

"If air fresheners made a hostility scent it would smell like this game."

This.  1000 times this.  I can personally guarantee that my entire home state will be hostile towards us...as they are every year...Everywhere I look I see people riding the Franklin-Hype-Train...

Enough, Urban.  Hang 100 on them in their own house.

"I am El Guapo...the handsome one."

+2 HS
The Butler's picture

This is the Threat Level I was expecting for Michigan State or Michigan:

I've trained Canaries in the sport of falconry.

 

+5 HS
FunZone's picture

+1 (I can't upvote)

I asked Braxton how his knee was before halftime at Berkeley and he said, "What up, man."

+5 HS
Woody16111's picture

Isn't this: 

"Bearcat threat level: Elevated. Whereas Kent State, Miami, Bowling Green, Toledo, Akron or Ohio could all be considered friendlies, Cincinnati brings conspicuous animus into any meeting with the Buckeyes." 

Sort of like a lite version of "Get in the Hole Guy" as cited with this:

"The Get in the Hole guy's take: "[every Ohio school goes here] is full of guys who have a chip on their shoulder for not being recruited by Ohio State. Don't be surprised if they catch the Buckeyes off-guard." GitHG firmly believes the MAC is constructed out of 100% sour grapes." 

So what gives ? Does "The Natti" not count as an "Ohio School" or do we put it in Kentucky like everything else down there ? 

Ramzy Nasrallah's picture

Is UC in the MAC?

Woody16111's picture

Maybe prior to 2005. :) 

Scuba_Steve's picture

I just moved into a new house last month and have plans for a football-viewing mecca in the basement.  Reading Ramzy and looking at the big games week by week has made me realize football season is nearly upon us.  That means I will be at Best Buy THIS WEEKEND adding 3 large flat-screen TV's to my cart.  It's going to be a good season, boys.

+2 HS
Buckeye5000's picture

I loved the article Ramzy. Thanks

Except you had one thing wrong:  "You're going to blink and we'll be in 2015, freezing and WAITING FOR NEXT SEASON!"

Come 2015...I will be watching The Ohio State Buckeyes whip some ass in the college football semi-finals on Jan. 1st, 2015, then on Jan. 12th, 2015, Crushing whatever team is unlucky enough to face Our Mighty Bucks in the National Championship Game.

Go Bucks!

Citrus's picture

Incredibly stoked. My only beef with starting against Navy is that I don't want to see Navy embarrassed cause their a "Global Force for Good" and all. 

Crumb's picture

Your day: It begins with nervous vomiting, per the usual tradition started by our Ohio ancestors over 100 years ago. If you're so young that you're still unsure as to why today is so nerve-wracking, on behalf of everyone born prior to 1983 we all hate you and wish we could be you.

I was born in 86 and remember the 90's all too well and so I too hate people who don't know that nerve-wracking feeling. (Heaven help the people who say 'it's just a game'.

Your night: Jubilation. Merriment. Or alternatively, in the throes of a breathless anguish that won't subside for at least one full year.

Sadly that latter part is true but you forgot to add that in that case all of the joy of any game previously won that season is erased and replaced with said anguish.

"The only good thing about it is winning the d*** thing" - Urban Meyer on The Game The War

CentralFloridaBuckeye's picture

Outstanding article Ramzy!  Can't wait to enjoy each week of the season.  Man, I love this time of the year!!  We are coming up for the Va Tech and Cincy game so far, hopefully another too.  I'll be sure to follow this guide each week to make sure I know the key games each week.

Go Bucks!!

FitzBuck's picture

Ramzy,

This might be the best thing you have ever written.  My wife now has a lower opinion of me from laughing out loud multiple times.  I regret nothing.

Fitzbuck

Fitzbuck | Toledo - Ohio's right armpit | "A troll by any other name is still a troll".

+3 HS
EvanstonBuckeye's picture

This article>Atlas Shrugged>The Bible>Bridges of Madison County

+2 HS
Poison nuts's picture

Takeaways:

1. I am not gitHG. Thank you mom & dad.

2. Ramzy - still serviceable with word-stories.

3. There's a possibility I may have let a bit of tinkle escape due to both laughing & pure excitement. 

The golden hour is nearly upon us.

"Death created time to grow the things that it would kill" - Detective Rustin Cohle.

+1 HS
darbnurb's picture

Please repost/update this each week, with the appropriate section for that week! 

Geraffi's picture

So much Ramzy, brilliance in this piece!  Beautiful. 

On a side note, I think Get in the Hole Guy writes for Bleacher Report. 

+2 HS
Pic1 Buckeye's picture

Ramzy, great article. New to the site and am so impressed.

Excited about these buckeyes. Love the weak by weak commentary.

My favorite quote of yours, is that "Just give it to Hyde" line. Exactly what I was screaming at the TV.

Looking forward to another fun fall.
 

"Cause I couldn't go for three".... Woody Hayes

SaudiBuckeye's picture

Well the BIG schedulers really screwed it up, didn't they? You would think the Western Division would end a week earlier and get a BYE before playing us in the CG.

Only a Buckeye truly understands what it means to bleed Scarlett and Gray

Buckeye-in-pitt's picture

~~Michigan is playing _______ this week: with itself

LMAO