Things Devin Gardner Has Done Since Promising a Victory Over Ohio State

By Jeff Beck on November 25, 2013 at 2:30p
40 Comments

It’s Michigan week; a time for hate, disdain and shameless trolling. So, we’ll do what our forefathers intended and make fun of Devin Gardner.

You see the Wolverines have a wide receiver playing quarterback (again), and that’s exactly what he looks like. In words, he's struggling. Five months ago, Gardner was a much more confident wide receiver playing quarterback. In fact, he was so sure of himself he promised a win against the Buckeyes in Ann Arbor.

Take it away Devin:

"We always have room for improvement, but this is definitely a championship-caliber football team that will win in the 'Big House' against Ohio State," Gardner said. "We don't feel like we're inferior to anyone in the country."

Of course I’m sure he meant we don’t feel like we’re inferior to anyone in the country with the exception of Penn State, Michigan State, Nebraska and Iowa. So, to celebrate Gardner’s bold claim, I thought it would be appropriate to memorialize the five best-worst things he's done on the football field since making that boast.

#5 Uconn: Lost The Handle

Coming off a narrow 28-24 escape against Akron, the Sun and Blue traveled to Connecticut to take on the mighty Huskies. Everyone knew it would be a tough game, as UConn was coming off a scintillating 5-7 2012.

For the second straight week, the Wolverines found themselves in a dog-fight against a cupcake. Down 14-7 to start the third quarter, Devin decided it would be a great idea to fumble the football at his own 34-yard line. This was the result:

Well done Devin…well done. Eventually the Wolverines were able to eek out a win. Luckily for Brady Hoke and company the victory only looked better as the season continued with the Huskies tallying an impressive 1-9 record.

#4 Penn State: Temporarily Goes Blind

Despite looking pretty terrible against some really bad football teams, Devin and the boys were 5-0 heading into Happy Valley. That would change after a four overtime game in which Gardner threw a pair of INTs. Here is the second of those picks. A lot of people ask me, “Jeff what makes this pick so special? After-all, Devin throws one of those every week." Well my friends, this one holds a special place in my heart because it’s a mystery wrapped in an enigma. No matter how many times I watch it, I can’t figure out how Devin didn’t see the 6’4’’ 258 lbs lineman standing 5 feet in front of him.

Oh Devin. 

#3 Akron: Turnover Machine

As aforementioned, the Wolverines got everything they could handle against Akron. It’s understandable. The Zips are averaging an eye-popping 19.2 points a game, coming in at 114th in the nation!

Even more impressive is the rate at which Devin turned the ball over, throwing 3 picks and fumbling once. Here are two of those derps:

#2 Iowa: Pocket Picked

At No. 2 we have Devin’s most recent disaster. Down 24-21 to Iowa late in the fourth quarter, Gardner took off to the left and gained eight yards before he met Anthony Hitchens who did his best Maurice Clarett impression. Devin Gardner: not a huge fan of ball-security.

#1 Notre Dame: Exactly How Hoke Drew It Up

Last but certainly not least we have one of Devin’s finest moments. This play is so bad it almost appears he’s trying to be this terrible. Starting at his own 15 yard line, Gardner takes the snap then begins to retreat aimlessly into the back of the endzone. With a defender around his ankles and one closing in to deliver the finishing blow, Gardner tosses the ball blindly into the Ann Arbor sky. ALWAYS A GOOD DECISION.

Never change Devin. Never change.

40 Comments

Comments

BABuckeye's picture

A picture is worth a thousand words and an animated GIF even more.  Whoever took that video of that mi$hi@an girl and created that GIF should win a Pulitzer. 

CarolinaBuck's picture

I'm almost beginning to feel sorry for that girl. That gif will be around for a long time and her reaction is probably what all of ours would be if we had to cheer for Michigan.

Jason Gruber's picture

She's wearing those nasty colors. She deserves everything we throw at her!! Go Buckeyes!!!

"You win with people." Woody Hayes

"If winning isn't everything, why do we keep score?" Vince Lombardi

"¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Joey Bosa

jdagrava.1's picture

Wow - these made my day.  I love M*ch!g@n Week!!!!!!

"It takes a little something special to be a great player.  What you got in you, we're going to find out.  And if there's a touch of greatness in there, how cool would that be?"

-Urban F. Meyer

Seattle Linga's picture

Or Month 
Or Year 
Or Decade

00Buck's picture

The Bucks will take 1 of each to go......... nahhh !  on second thought we'll score em here !  a shame I have to leave the warm comfy confines of the Buckeye for the cold clammy confines of Soonerland to see this game.....  What is a sooner ?  a sooner is an animal that would sooner crap in this spot as anyother.

Upon this Rock, I build my house....and Let no man put asunder

niblick's picture

that play against ND just never gets old

TMac's picture

The Best is yet to come!!
See you Saturday Devin!

Doc's picture

Here's to hoping the Derpitudedness continues on 11-30-2013.  We luv ya Devin, never change.

"Say my name."

BoFuquel's picture

Such is the life of those that would be TSUN men. Take note young men, this will be your fate if you choose to take this road. it's 3:57 PM Monday Nov. 25, 2013 and TSUN still sucks. GO BUCKS!

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

ATXbucknut's picture

BREAKING: Brady just announced that he'll only dress 16 players for the game on Saturday.  The rest are able to dress themselves.

Maestro's picture

The play fake before the PSU pic was especially impressive.  Had me fooled.

vacuuming sucks

Denny's picture

Devin Gardner: a big fan of the 'Long Con'.

Taquitos.

avail31678's picture

I sensed quiiiiiite a bit of sarcasm in the commentary between clips.  Well done.  Well done.
Our D-Line really should single-handedly annihilate this team.  Yet, we also have Hyde, Braxton et. al. on the other side of the ball.

toledo_buckeye's picture

I dont care how many times I see it, that chinless girl and the guy with the who farted face never gets old.

Buckeye_Ryan's picture

I love the URL of this page, and how there's a subtle difference between the URL and the title:

Title: Things Devin Gardner Has Done Since Promising a Victory Over Ohio State
Url: http://www.elevenwarriors.com/2013/11/29376/recapping-devin-gardner-year...lol

Born a Buckeye, raised a Buckeye, will die a Buckeye.

AndyVance's picture

Is there any better trolling than URL trolling? I think not.

harleymanjax's picture

"Because I couldn't go for 3"

Denny's picture

Why in the fresh hell would anybody aim to end up in the suburbs

Taquitos.

IGotAWoody's picture

You prefer the trailer park?

 - License to kill gophers (wolverines, badgers, etc) by the government of the United Nations

Denny's picture

If cities did not exist, I would live in a trailer park before I would live in the suburbs.

Taquitos.

Turban Meyer's picture

Let me guess ... you put zero in the # of dependents box on your tax returns. 
 

Denny's picture

For about five more weeks, yes. After that, there will be a non-zero whole number. And after that, I will continue to refuse to live in the suburbs because I'm not a fan of giving up on life.

Taquitos.

IGotAWoody's picture

Dude, I'm guessing you're just attempting humor here? I'll give you credit for the attempt, if that's the case.

 - License to kill gophers (wolverines, badgers, etc) by the government of the United Nations

joel121270's picture

This was priceless...nice write up...lmao the whole way through.

IBleedSandG's picture

Ever since the IU game ended - and _ichigan week began - I've been reminded of how shitty the weasels season has been. After reading each stat and watching each gif, the more amazed I become of how truly pathetic they are.

"You pick up the rifle and go as hard as you can possibly go."
-UFM

bishop072's picture

Loved this. Had to share with my michigan alum co-workers.
 
TROLL HARD

alust2013's picture

Shameless trolling, check.

...and Michigan still sucks.

fear_the_nut70's picture

That Notre Dame play is unbelievable. 

Nuts4Bucks13's picture

Got to be honest, I prefer calling them the "Corn and Blue"...more connected to the pretentious color they call it and feels a bit more insulting.  But..ya know..they can go to hell either way.

bucks_4_life's picture

I love the sarcasm in this article! Very nicely done!

The juice is worth the squeeze

NicktheLaw13's picture

mmmmm....Just warms my heart

GOOMBAY's picture

Gardner's brain versus ND: Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close.

huber57's picture

I'll thrown in an honorary #6 and point to his -46 rushing yards against Michigan State.  In this game Devin average 2.6 yards per rush ... backwards.

Why does Dublin have so many round-abouts? Because everyone in Dublin thinks they have the right-of-way.

Homey1970's picture

Any bets on which unit scores the most points on Saturday?  Hell, will Shazier alone outscore the O?

Homey1970's picture

Also....I don't know for sure but it appears as though the guy behind the scUM girl is "giving it to her" if you know what I mean.   

Blackbeards Delight's picture

Is that Brady Jokes daughter? What a strong family resemblance. 

Crunchy Peanut Butter Bitches.

- Me