11W EXCLUSIVE: The Bollman Contract

By Johnny Ginter on March 4, 2013 at 5:00p
67 Comments
The Bollman Stare: It's penetrating

Let's say that you're the coach of a B-tier college football team, you're looking for an offensive coordinator, and somehow fate shines upon you and Jim Freaking Bollman is available and interested. Well, interested anyway. And you know that to lure in that kind of coaching star power away from the paradise on earth that is West Lafayette, Indiana, you'll need to pull out all the stops and offer him one hell of a contract.

And then you offer him that contract, and you get him, because you're Mark Dantonio dammit, and you don't let big fish like Jim "I know Jim Tressel" Bollman get away so easily. Not when he could transform your offense from a mediocre and outmoded outside zone blocking-based rushing attack into a mediocre and outmoded inside zone blocking-based rushing attack.

Man! Wouldn't it be cool to see how Dantonio pulled this epic poaching job off? Wouldn't it be interesting to know just what Michigan State offered the guy to get him to come to East Lansing and destroy the potential of dozens of 3-star recruits? Don't we, as Ohio State fans, deserve some form of closure after the loss of our most beloved and effective assistant coach in the program's history?

Yes, yes, aaannndd yes are the answers, so lucky you! We here at 11W got the inside scoop on this story and can now print what we believe to be a copy of the actual terms of employment offered by Michigan State to Jim "Dave" Bollman.

Count your blessings, Sparty. You got a good one.

So, it's pretty obvious that Michigan State was willing to make a commitment to Bollman that Hazell and Purdue were not, which is their loss. Join us next week as we publish a photocopy of a napkin from December of 2011 that Urban Meyer doodled a stick figure on, complete with stink lines and labeled "GENE SMITH."

67 Comments

Comments

Jugdish's picture

Thank you Johnny. This made my day as well as laugh hysterically.

Remember to get your wolverine spade or neutered. TBDBITL

BucksfanXC's picture

Has anyone asked Vrabro how pumped he is to game plan against a Bollman called offense? He doesn't have to hit him with the playbook literally anymore, he can do it figuratively now, along with linebackers.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

MotownBuck's picture

brilliance

Trotwood-Madison. Once a Ram, Always a Ram.

MN Buckeye's picture

Wow!  Great summary Johnny.  Just spewed my drink all over my office at work.

penult's picture

well played, sir

Buckeyevstheworld's picture

For a split second I thought this was going to be serious. lol

"YOLO" = I'm about to do something extremely ignorant/stupid & I need an excuse to do it.

BoFuquel's picture

Man we don't get a shot at'em this season.GO BUCKS!

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

darkhorse3d's picture

Johnny is so witty and clever. I could care less about Bollman and what he is or isn't. I pull for Ohio State and whoever that means to be successful. This Idea that people around here know more than Bollman and are better qualified to coach than him is just a bit tired and silly. Clearly Coaches at the highest levels with film to analyze of his lines and otherwise seem to think the guy has some talent. Are all of them morons too? Can we see their contracts as well?

German Buckeye's picture

Darkhorse3D <---- unable to process satire/sarcasm. 

darkhorse3d's picture

On the contrary I am perfectly able to process satire/sarcasm. Unfortunately when the joke isn't that funny to begin with and we continue to play it over and over again like a top 40 station playing songs that simply aren't that good it gets old. 
You see, the problem is that typically you can come to this site to find a lot of different things from the humorous down to in-depth analysis. That is one of the things that makes this a fantastic site. Johnny is a very creative writer and he has plenty of skill especially when it comes to satire/sarcasm. 
It is because of that reason, you see, that I find it sad that we are going to waste that skill and talent by attacking a man repeatedly and viciously even long after he has left the program simply because the trolls who feed on that material will enjoy it. 
Is Bollman the best O-Line coach in the business? Of course not. Is he a great playcaller? I am pretty sure that that's not his niche. But none of you have any idea what he is like as a game planner or how he works in the meeting room. You don't have any idea what kind of a person he is or how much he gives to charity or anything thing of the sort. Jim Bollman was OC on Ohio State during one of it's greatest runs ever and I'm frankly thankful to the guy for being a part of that. 
Now, If people wanted to make fun of him for some of the boneheaded stuff he did or play calls they hated or predictability or whatever I'm fine with that. When we come in here and act like a schoolyard bully on a guy who from all accounts is a consummate professional and a stand-up guy and we do it over and over and over and over again for whatever reason is just ceases to have that punch and it becomes old. 
As someone who reads the site regularly and loves 99% of all the content I think it's ok for me to express my honest opinion in the damn comments section as that's what it's there for. And if the web trolls want to give me another 30,000 down votes they are certainly free to do so. 

Johnny Ginter's picture

i think its totally okay for you to disagree or not like what i or anyone else writes on here, and i think youve done that in a respectful way. and i understand where youre coming from, even though i disagree with the idea that poking fun at a guy who gets high profile, high paying jobs that he's not really qualified for is "bullying."

especially considering the guy just pulled the huge dick move of blowing off purdue after less than two months for another job within the same conference

darkhorse3d's picture

How much the guy makes, to me, isn't really the issue. I'm more concerned with the fact that he was an integral part of bringing a NC to Columbus.  Listen, I agree he's not the best catch out there by a stretch. I just feel like the people who go after him have reasons and they know what they are. 
As i said I love your writing i just feel like the wheels have fallen off the JB thing. Obviously others disagree so I'm in the minority. It's not that I don't even find it funny on the merits. I just think it sort of teeters towards the line of OK this horse is no longer moving. 
Again i recognize it's just an opinion. I think blowing off Perdue is more like you are offered a job as the fry guy at your local Mickey Ds and then a couple weeks later the owner of the Arby's across the street offers you the job of shift manager. Unless you're an idiot or love charity then you take the Arby's offer. It's just simple. 
As for Qualifications I mean I would say i'm more qualified to do my Boss's job than I am. The powers that be see that differently and they make a lot of money. Apparently he possesses qualities I don't and they are attractive to tptb. Bollman must fall in that category. 
Either way I enjoy your writing Johnny. Always have a fresh and interesting perspective that comes from outside the box and definitely keeps me entertained. I hope you and the rest of the staff keep it up for a long time to come.

Run_Fido_Run's picture

DarkHorse: you make some valid points. Right after Bollman was let go, I even halfway agreed with a few of your points. I figured that, since he was no longer a reason (or scapegoat?) for the offensive struggles and then had to settle for a second-rate gig at Boston College, there was no sense in kicking a man when he was down, especially one who put in 10+ years for the good guys, etc. I get that.
Thing is, humor and internet memes are funny things - they take on lives of their own. Some people enjoy such memes, even though they very often involve beating of dead horses. Sure, there might be an element of cyber/virtual bullying to it, but the target of the jokes almost ceases to be a literal person, per se - more like the caricature of the person. It can be brutal, but this dynamic has long history in the annals of humor (long before internet memes).
Okay, you don't find the jokes to be funny. That's fine. But calling those who do find them funny "trolls" . . . that comes across as somewhat bullying, too (I'm not saying you're a bully - just asking you to think about what you're saying).
Btw, Bollman is now coaching for a semi-rival of Ohio State (MSU) and works under an actual (grumpy) troll, Mark Dantonio - whom along with his D-Cor, I believe, whined about Urbz's recruiting practices. In other words, Bollman is not with the good guys, anymore.

darkhorse3d's picture

Well I hope he loses every game for agreeing to coach in the state of _icigan. I think we can all agree with that. And just like memes are memes trolls are trolls. The guy who said I could not process sattire/sarcasm was trolling. I'll call a troll a troll. 

fear_the_nut70's picture

I could not disagree with this more.  People like Bollman take high profile jobs like this and get paid money that about 1/10 of 1% of the population will ever see in their employment capacities.  Part of the tradeoff when you work in the "entertainment profession" (and let's not pretend it is anything else) is that you will be subject to public criticism when you don't do your job well.  Bollman may be the worst assistant coach we have ever seen at Ohio State (at least top 10) and he was criticized like any other public figure.  There is nothing here that is even remotely personal, and while I hope the man does charity work and he might very well be a great family man, those things do not matter to a fanatic who simply wants to see Ohio State football players grow and develop into the best football players they can be (do not misunderstand my remarks, I hope he gives generously and is a good family man, but no one is criticizing him for these things, they simply are a red herring).  Being criticized in high profile jobs FOR THE JOB THAT YOU DID OR DID NOT DO is part of the deal, and if Bollman doesn't like it, then he can go get a regular job and earn a regular wage like the rest of us (I'd figuratively give my left nut to sit on the fifty yard line at a Buckeyes game and that guy got to roam the sidelines and call stupid plays like a wildcat option for several years at Ohio State.  Sorry darkhorse, I won't shed any tears for the walrus).  And oh by the way, his reward for doing a shitty job and having no knowledge in his given profession is another gig with a big time college football program cashing big checks yet again.  Yes, I will cry myself to sleep over the plight of the walrus tonight.  Give me a break...

darkhorse3d's picture

So basically your excuse is you simply have nothing better to do than make fun of someone. Must be a very fulfilled like you live. :)

jedkat's picture

I would just like to applaud everyone for not downvoting darkhorse into oblivion for going against the grain.
Goo Goo Ga'Joob everyone!

“The teams that don’t respect their coaches and don’t trust their coaches are the teams that go .500"
~Zach Boren

bedheadjc's picture

The "$750 for birds" stipend was the best.

Kevbo714's picture

That and his "signature" really got me...

Tom Crean listens to Nickelback...

thatlillefty's picture

poor Bolls... he gets no respect.

Crimson's picture

Just as it should be.
Sorry, low hanging fruit and all.

cal3713's picture

I watched the past two years just like all of you and have similarly seen plenty of evidence that Bollman has some serious limitations (i.e., line improvement with Warriner; the disaster that was 2011-12's play calling).  But to ignore the success that we had while this guy was a key member of the offensive staff is ignorant.  And if there is an offensive system that's compatible with what Tressel and Bollman did spectacularly well together, it's MSUs.  People don't get hired for D1 offensive coordinator positions without some serious qualifications and explicit, documented evidence of success.
That said, the hiring thread with all the walrus gifs was hilarious.

BigBuck623's picture

Any and all success that OSU had was in spite of Bollman, not because of him.

fear_the_nut70's picture

We won despite him.  Our offensive ranks with the talent we had in C-bus speaks for itself.  Bollman simply rode the coattails of the silver bullets while his o-line recruits failed to live up to their potential under his watch and his play calling, albeit a fairly short stint, was beyond horrific (the one year turnaround under Herman is solid evidence of this).  Need further evidence, look at the rankings of the BC offense last year (I am sure there were talent deficiencies, but after seeing what happened in c-bus, he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt here).  Sorry, not buying this...

Ekes42's picture

"Sea creature and Offensive line coach" was my favorite.  Saved the best for last.

millertime2011's picture

I lost it when I saw the walrus stamp. So great. How long do you think it takes spartan fans to not be in denial about this hire anymore? 2 games? I love how they defend this hire.

Idaho Helga's picture

Same here. The walrus stamp is priceless.  I think I want one!

aforsbach's picture

Don't get me wrong, the offensive line play under Bollman was dismal. The play calling was atrocious, and i despised him as well. But when are we just going to leave this guy alone? The real question should be why was he on Tressel's staff in the first place, let a lone for how long he was? If you ask me this reflects poorly on Tressel, does he not know how to evaluate talented coaches? I'm not mad at the guy for continuing to get paid, I'm just mad he was on OSU's payroll in the first place. 

fear_the_nut70's picture

This ^^^^.  We outclassed the B1G under JT, but when we played on the national level, we were too often exposed under JT.  There are many factors in play here to be sure, but one constant variable in the SEC's run is the money they spend on head coachs and their assistants.  A guy like Bollman would never sniff a SEC job.  And that Sparty fought Purdue for him tells you all you need to know about the state of the "little 12" in the B1G these days.

tdible2132's picture

Haha do you see the picture of him above? He's just asking for it!!

Dougger's picture

Johnny dear god. Pure gold. #4 is my favorite

I like football

Hovenaut's picture

Goo goo g'joo-b Johnny.....

All Sparty has to do is find RB's named Dave and all will be well.

"Success...it's what you do with what you got" - Woody Hayes

BUCKtuckian's picture

Bollrus's blue chum bucket = Uncle Si blue tea cup

People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
Ron White

AJW_16's picture

This is great. I really hope Jim Bollman has a walrus stamp that he uses to sign things...

"Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you." 

toad1204's picture

Nothing like dancing on the field in 02... 

Poison nuts's picture

Sometimes I feel bad for Jim Bollman....It's fleeting though, & lasts only nanoseconds before going back to long spells of hysterical laughter at his expense.

"Death created time to grow the things that it would kill" - Detective Rustin Cohle.

SilverBulletNYC's picture

Thank. You. 

The South will NOT rise again!

Buckeyeneer's picture

This site never ceases to amaze.

"Because the rules won't let you go for three." - Woody Hayes
THE Ohio State University

3technique's picture

This was hilarious! I do not feel bad for him at all. He makes a nice salary to dance with the Spartan mascot...I say keep it coming!

gravey's picture

I hate to be that guy, I've complained enough for all of us about Bollman over the years, but I'm not so sure that all this Bollman bashing is what quality Buckeye fans should be doing.  I'd be happier to wish the guy luck and dream of next season.  
He was a Buckeye for a long time, so I'm not going to throw rocks at him.

cinserious's picture

Lol, he was a Buckeye for a long time. Thus the anguish.

Gone ham, be back soon...

slippy's picture

3 National Champ appearances including a win is anguish?  Highest scoring OSU team of all time is anguish?  Fiesta Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Rose Bowl wins are anguish?

fear_the_nut70's picture

How much of this do you really attribue to Bollman?  Have you seen our offensive rankings under Bollman?  it was the silver bullets that delivered titles, with our offense substandard.  I implore you to evaluate our successes more critically...

BuckeyeMike2002's picture

That is one of the funniest articles I have read at 11W. 
Bollman is the past, we tend to remember good things about Coop a decade and a half later. We also made peace with Tress since it was the tenth anniversary of the 2002 team. Tress kept the man around longer than he should have but it is time to let the walrus submerge beneath the ice and disappear.  
I would love it if Dantonio and Bollman beat the crap out  scUM. As long as 'Dave' doesn't coach in Columbus, it doesn't matter. This was a great piece of comic relief on a Monday but it is time to let it go.

Q: What is the difference between the Michigan Football Team and a bag of crap.

A: The Bag.

NoVA Buckeye's picture

Introducing, the worst Yu-Gi-Oh! card ever created:

The offseason begins when your season ends. Even then there are no days off.

baz's picture

I can't get past the photo.  Everyone is fixated on the subject to the forefront except Bollman who, like the class clown, is staring into the camera. 
Poor guy. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
bollman

Kevbo714's picture

I noticed in the picture that some people seem really upset, while Bollman is giving his best "derp."

Tom Crean listens to Nickelback...

bigbadbuck's picture

So this undoubtedly puts Sparty in prime position to rule their division for years to come i'd think

Battles are sometimes won by generals; wars are nearly always won by sergeants and privates. Football is no different, the guys down in the trenches win the games, not the coach.            

CowCat's picture

It's fun to laugh but ...
Jim Bollman was a key contributor to Ohio State teams that reached the championship level 3 times, including the pass-happy 2006 team.
If the guy couldn't coach at all, then there would be no Jim Tressell.  This could come back to haunt us, funny GIFs aside.

"We get paid to score touchdowns, not kick field goals"
-- Urban Meyer

razrback16's picture

Great article, thank you.

Johnny Ginter's picture

i'll be honest, im more than a little surprised at the support for bollman from some considering there's a lot of evidence that he's mediocre at best at what he is being paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to do.

but really, this is less of a jab at bollman and more me pointing out that for both hazell and dantonio to go after this guy shows a complete and utter lack of creativity on their part. this is part of what urban meyer has been talking about with regards to the big ten, and if the conference keeps recycling dudes because theyre buddies with the head coach, its going to keep being a bad conference

johnny11's picture

Agree johnny. It all goes back to when Urban got hired and Dantonio got mad about the "The Gentlemen's agreement" in recruiting. The Big Ten has been using the good ole boy system for far too long. Unless The rest of the league becomes more innovative and starts recruit, evaluate, and coach the talent they bring in better we are always as a conference going to be mediocre at best. We are lucky that here at TOSU That we have a coach that understands that and is trying to bring the program to the forefront of not just the conference, but the nation as well.

slippy's picture

I don't know about Bollman's relationship with Hazell but the entire Bollman family are very close friends with the Dantonios.  So if your Dantonio you look at a chance to hire a good friend of yours who was a part of a staff who won a ton of games over a decade.

fear_the_nut70's picture

Johhny, honestly, this is the heart of the B1G's problem.  They will NOT move heaven and earth (then compensate fairly) assistant coaches that are key to winning at the highest level.  The joke, really, is on our conference, not on Bollman, Sparty, or Purdue, IMO.  You think for one minute any SEC school would consider a guy like this that was part of many offenses that ranked in the 100's, in most cases for an elite program like The Ohio State University?  Mark my words, because of the revival of Hoke's recruiting at UM and stupid decisions like this, we won't be hearing much from Sparty for quite some time...

Ashtabula's picture

It is never as good as you think or as bad as you think.  We had great success with him here playing a vital role.  It can't all be in spite of him. As for the hiring practices, lots of businesses hire based on trust and loyalty.  If not for Bollman's wish to get another shot as OC and his unfamiliarity with Urban's offense, he might have been closer to being retained than many think.  Their relationship dates back to the 1970's in Ashtabula.

fear_the_nut70's picture

Yes, it's called nepotism, and it often blows up in the face of the person doing the hiring.   Best decisions I have made in my life were logical, emotion detached decisions.  Hire a "friend" when you can't or won't honestly assess their abilities and/or won't fire them when they are not producing, and this is what you will often get.  The rankings of the Ohio State offenses where Bollman was a key player is completely unacceptable when one considers the kinds of athletes Ohio State pulls in.  That line that featured Adams/Brewster and the kid from Texas (name escapes me at the moment) never saw productivity match the talent that was there.   I rightfully blame that on the OL coach.

whalewars's picture

This is fantastic, could you please publish Brett Bielema's contract with the Hogs?
 

OvalBeachBum's picture

I thought it looked like a solid contract...

"In the words of the late great Colonel Sanders, I'm too drunk to taste this chicken" - Ricky Bobby

Bolt's picture

I spit coffee when I saw the signature at the bottom of the contract.

buckeye76BHop's picture

I don't know what you're all talking about....Jim Bollman will take MSU to the B1G championship for sure (may be the NC game!).  He's the best OC for OSU in years...may be ever;-)
 
 
Edit for our Mr and Mrs Literal's out there*  Please don't take this above seriously;-)

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
"I love football. I think it is most wonderful game in world and I despise to lose."
Woody Hayes 1913 - 1987 

MediBuck's picture

The stamp was what got me. Ermahgerd that was awesome.

"There is a force that makes us all brothers, no one goes his way alone." --Woody Hayes

RBuck's picture

8.a. 'Nuff said.

"It's just another case of there you are". ~ Doc (1918-2012)