B1G Recap: The End

By Johnny Ginter on December 2, 2012 at 5:51a

As I begin writing this recap of the Big Ten Championship Game, there is currently 1:05 left in the 3rd quarter of a game that was well out of hand about two quarters ago.

It's been that kind of season

Wisconsin right now has roughly 450 yards of rushing offense alone and 63 points. Bo Pelini looks like he is going to find a warren of rabbits to gas after the game, and Bret Bielema has the same dumb squinty expression that he always does, but there's a hint of "woooo the ladies at the craps table are gonna love this one" behind it.

I'm not just starting this recap early because I know that Wisconsin is going to win and I want to go to bed early, it's also because I've known that this is how this game was going to play out ever since the matchup was decided.

It's a pretty simple plan, but I'll use one of my tweets to elaborate:

So I don't know about you guys, but I am particularly excited for step 3, which will likely involve a 31-17 defeat at the hands of Stanford as their competent linebackers and safeties aren't fooled or confused by Bret Bielema's brilliant "tons of dudes on the line of scrimmage" formation. Step 4 is Bielema sobbing in the bathtub at the Sheraton in Pasadena while eating an entire brick of Colby cheese.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. There was a game afoot tonight (at least for a while), and details must be given, although to be completely honest, any sane person probably shut it off well before the midway point of the 3rd quarter in an attempt to preserve some shred of dignity. With that said, along with maybe a couple of hundred of lazy and/or immobile people from the well under capacity crowd at Lucas Oil Stadium, I decided to forego both sanity and dignity and sat through the entire ridiculous contest.

For a large chunk of the first half, people could probably be forgiven for thinking that this was going to be a game. Nebraska was the clear favorite, the ranked team, and was coming off a six-game winning streak. The only real reason people might've been concerned is because they managed to beat the football team that serves as the front for Kirk Ferentz's cocaine distribution center by only 13-7, but that was quickly ignored in favor of looking at Wisconsin's overall record in the Big Ten.

Which is the other reason most people expected a Nebraska win, because Wisconsin was, as we all know, the 3rd best team in their division. With Ohio State and Penn State both not eligible for the postseason, Wisconsin banana peeled their way to success despite a 4-4 conference record and two consecutive overtime losses to close out the season. Not a great look.

But then the actual game happened and things changed. I mean, it was a game for a little bit, and honestly for a while I thought we were going to get one of those back and forth shootouts that the Big Ten is so famous for in my dreams. Even though Wisconsin took the lead to begin the game after Melvin Gordon ripped off a 56-yard TD run (this would be a theme) and Marcus Cromartie housed a Taylor Martinez interception, Martinez pulled one of those sick runs out of his hat for a touchdown and then Nebraska added a field goal to make the game relatively close.


It was all downhill after that. Nebraska displayed absolutely zero ability to stop Wisconsin's rushing game, particularly the sweep plays where Gordon was the primary rusher. At one point the guy was averaging nearly 40 yards on each of his 5 carries, and he ended the game leading everyone in rushing with a grand total of 9 carries.

Not that Montee Ball was slowed down or anything either. He topped 5,000 yards rushing for his career, and also set the record for most rushing touchdowns in a career with 76 en route to a 202-yard, 4-touchdown performance.

Honestly, even if Martinez hadn't turned the ball over 3 times, this still would've been an insane blowout. At no point did Nebraska (who apparently needs Carl Pelini like Bo needs baby seals to strangle) show that they had either the scheme or ability to stop what Wisconsin was doing on the ground. Or maybe it went even deeper than that. I'm sure people will speculate as to why a prohibitive favorite gave up 539 yards of rushing to an unranked team, but it's probably at least partly because it has struggled with physical teams all year.

After the first quarter the game devolved into a beatdown of epic proportions, with Wisconsin racking up long touchdown after long touchdown and ultimately winning, 70-31, at the end of the game Bret Bielema took a Gatorade shower and we all got to see his moobs. Wisconsin goes on to get pasted by Stanford in the Rose Bowl (because, well, despite last night's evidence to the contrary they aren't very good either) and Nebraska might get passed over in favor of Northwestern for a bowl because hell, why not?

As Ohio State fans, we're supposed to be sad and gnash our teeth at the fact that OSU was denied a probable B1G championship win and BCS title game appearance; after all, going undefeated in any conference, even one as bad as the Big Ten, is extremely difficult. But truthfully, I'm past that. If anything, the overall incompetence of the rest of the Big Ten does wonders for OSU's image in that we look like the one employable member of a family of drunken boobs, which is not a terrible place to be.

The rest of the conference will go on and spend all month practicing for a bowl game that they will lose, as is their wont, but in the meantime Urban will be recruiting and evaluating his ass off while solidifying his stranglehold on the conference, as is his wont. So really, I'm not mad the Buckeyes can't play for a national title.

At all.

Not even a little.



Comments Show All Comments

Kalamazoo Steve's picture

I couldn't watch the post game 'celebration.' They acted like they earned something. Any salary bonus should be given to charity.

gumtape's picture

The SEC championship was disappointing for me. The love-hate relationship that UGA fans have with their coach and Aaron murray is actually interesting to watch. I have never met a 'bama fan that isn't an insufferable D-bag.
Now the only reason to watch the mythical national championship is we might get to see AJ McCarron's mom.

High and tight boo boo

buckeye76BHop's picture

Best game of the day besides TX and KSU...

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

"I love football. I think it is most wonderful game in world and I despise to lose."

Woody Hayes 1913 - 1987 

gwalther's picture

I actually was rooting for Wisconsin because I think they're the better matchup for Stanford. Stanford would've done to Nebraska what Wisconsin just did.

Class of 2008

Arkansas Buckeye's picture

I am hoping that the quality of play in the B1G has hit bottom.  Its not humorous anymore.  We can't improve as a team playing inferior opponents. 
Alabama 32  ND 10

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

buckeye76BHop's picture

^^^^^^^^^^Could be worse....

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

"I love football. I think it is most wonderful game in world and I despise to lose."

Woody Hayes 1913 - 1987 

painterlad's picture

I disagree. I think ND pulls out the win, 17-14. Alabama barely beat yet another team that has beaten who...?

To err is human. Really sucking requires having yellow stripes on your helmet.

LouGroza's picture

An 8-5 team represents the B1G. WoW.

BuckeyeAZOH's picture

Maybe Wisconsin will win against Stanford and then ESPN can talk about how strong the BiG is top to bottom, an 8-5 team that finished third in division was able to beat the PAC-12 winner. Oh wait, ESPN wpould never say that.   It would concentrate on how it should have been Oregon and Stanford is another year away from where they should be. And BiG got lucky this year. 

Purple Raider

buckeye76BHop's picture

^^^^^^^^^^This is why I didn't watch a minute of that game...I knew an OVERRATED Wiscy team would win.  What a season...too bad the "real" B1G champion couldn't play in the last two games...what could have been???

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."

"I love football. I think it is most wonderful game in world and I despise to lose."

Woody Hayes 1913 - 1987 

Arkansas Buckeye's picture

Just looking at Bowl projections makes me cringe.  Nebraska gets A&M?  Northwestern gets South Carolina? MAYBE Michigan can beat Vanderbilt. the B1G could very well lose them all.  Can the Bowls go to the NCAA and appeal Penn State's bowl ban for next year?

"It seemed like a good idea at the time."

BoFuquel's picture

This is just what King James Delany deserves for thunkin' up this concoction of stupidity called The B1G Championship Game. As my Daddy and coach always told me "ignorance can be fixxed, stupidity can't". Even those dufi in Austin come to the concussion that a konFerentz championship game is the worst idea of all time.This game is just going to go downhill from here,no future at all.The inmates need to take over this asylum called The B1G,or get the flock out,I'm for the latter option.GO BUCK!(sooner is less worser)

I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then.

CALPOPPY's picture


I'm a hurtin' buckaroo.

Riggins's picture

Go home, Bofuquel.  You're drunk.

thatlillefty's picture

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

EastSide's picture

U-G-L-Y U ain't got no alibi...U Ugly.....ya ya U Ugly. M-A-M-A That's how U got that way...Ur mama...ya ya Ur Mama.

doodah_man's picture

What's all this? I thought that the college bowl season was over?

Jim "DooDah" Day

"If I were giving a young man advice as to how he might succeed in life, I would say to him, pick out a good father and mother, and begin life in Ohio.” --Wilbur Wright, 1910

Scott K's picture

"The only real reason people might've been concerned is because they managed to beat the football team that serves as the front for Kirk Ferentz's cocaine distribution center by only 13-7..."
Commedic gold there Johnny!

"There's a fine line between stupid, and....clever.  David St. Hubbins/Nigel Tufnel

STRAWMAN's picture

I'm going to say it again. This Wisconsin team lost 5 games by a combined 19 points! Three of those games were in overtime!

painterlad's picture

Ohio State also had several close games. The difference is, the Bucks won all of them. ND had close games but won all of them. Alabama had close games and won all but one. Being close but losing is the mindset of a fan base that accepts mediocrity.

To err is human. Really sucking requires having yellow stripes on your helmet.

STRAWMAN's picture

The point is that Wisky isn't a terrible or average team as their record suggests. They aren't great, but they are a good team that can give most teams in football a good game. 

buckeyedude's picture

Remind me again how brilliant Jim Delany is.



rdubs's picture

His job is to make the teams money, he doesn't recruit or coach so it is hard to blame him for the on the field product, especially given that he has been enormously successful at providing the teams with plenty of revenue.

toledobuckeyefanjim's picture

OSU scored only 63 points on Pelini's roller-skate defense. Where did the Buckeyes go wrong that night? LOL! Just kidding Buckeye fans.

TBDBITLinWIScantSON's picture

Are you not entertained?! Jim delaney, probably. 


penult's picture

I admit I was okay with the B1GCG ban because that meant PSU was excluded for 4 years, but I was really rethinking that after last night. At least it wasn't ttun beating Wisconsin last night to go to the Jim Delany Bowl...small consolation.
Kansas State may have been the biggest winner since most people switched over to their game in the third quarter

ColoradoBuckeye74's picture

Picture above speaks a thousand words.  What a flaming pile of crap this season was for the rest of the Big10.  Here is to starting fresh in 2013...  Cheers

Arizona_Buckeye's picture

On the brighter side - all the media will be talking about regarding the B1G is how the best team, OSU went 12 - 0, is the class of the conference and will be awesome next year!!!  The more the other teams stink it up - the better the chatter will be about OSU

The best thing about Pastafarianism? It is not only acceptable, but advisable, to be heavily sauced

zbd's picture

Ohio State (undefeated in the big Ten) is like saying you're the smartest of the Jersey Shore cast.

Doc's picture

Watching Pelinis head implode was worth the Badgers getting the Rose

CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

BeijingBucks's picture

A dirigible going down in flames... At first I thought was a reference to Bielma losing. Then I realized that rotund, gassy reference was for the ineptitude of the B1G.
Feels like OSU is the gladiator in the colliseum tunnels, resplendent in his untarnished armor, primed to entertain the multitudes (Delaney) but is chained to a spavined mammoth, a gaggle of scrawny, unwashed slaves, a creepy white-haired guy in a corduroy jacket (no one will shower at the same time as) and the last remaining land whale. When they spill onto the arena the crowd doesn't know whether to laugh, gasp, cheer or raise their bet on the Lions. 

None can love freedom heartily, but good men; the rest love not freedom, but license. ~ John Milton