Monday Skull Session

By DJ Byrnes on January 16, 2012 at 6:00a
RT @othersome: i saw on tv that someone had been playing the piano since age three, and i was only impressed because i thought they meant constantly

It's been a week and I still don't know what happened to the Les Miles-led war caravan. It lies in shambles somewhere in the chasms of Alabama... a cackling Nick Saban -- wearing a Honey Badger pelt as a hat -- lording above it while picking his teeth with his victim's bone splinters. I haven't seen somebody get their ass kicked like that since Florida dumped some team from the Big Ten. Thankfully it was an SEC team getting whipped this time, though. Just sucks for non-Southerners that it happened to be an SEC team that was also doling out the whipping. Still, Alabama won a neutral site game forty-some days after the regular season against a team that had already beat them... CLEARLY THEY WERE THE BEST TEAM IN 2011! 

Whatever. The Southerners can have their crystal football trophy as they descend back into their pit of type sixteen diabetes and NASCAR fumes. They're willing to shamelessly game college athletics to gain that extra edge, and I guess I have no choice but to respect it. They are kings of the Sewer! Congrats, Alabama!

Albeit unbeknownst to the South, the world continues to revolve outside of college football season. I have the NFL playoffs, the NBA and European soccer to keep me occupied until at least the middle of June. After the NBA play-offs, it's just matter of surviving on the rotting corpse of the broke-ass Dodgers until late August. Then it'll be time to watch Urban Meyer bang hammers on the entire Big Ten in the name of Ohio and in 1080p! 

You know, being a sports fan in the 21st century isn't too shabby. 

STACKIN' RECRUITZ, ACQUIRIN' CURRENCY. While another midwestern program was asleep, another recruit was plucked from the hen-house by the crafty recruiting fox known to authorities as "Urban Meyer". After raiding Penn State for Tommy Schutt and Michigan State for Se'Von Pittman, Meyer has stolen 4* offensive lineman Taylor Decker from Notre Dame. This has to make Notre Dame head coach Brian Kelly even saltier, considering Urban has also taken assistant coaches Ed Warinner and (100% Marionaire) Tim Hinton off Notre Dame's doll as well. (Quick aside: While Tim Hinton is not my biggest fan, I am elated to have a touch of Marionaire chutzpah added to Meyer's council. Where are the future bets on Ohio State winning a national title under Urban Meyer? Somebody direct me to the person giving out free money to the peoples.)

Even the casual Ohio State football fan would realize what big news this is for Ohio State, considering its need for offensive linemen. Once Urban Meyer was installed as supreme leader of the football program, I'm sure it didn't take Decker long to come to his senses. Now let us all hope he possesses the cognitive ability to be able to handle a snap count other than "on one."

TAVER JOHNSON IS GETTING PAID. It was a big weekend for the Ohio State secondary. Yesterday, it was announced Ohio State cornerbacks coach Taver Johnson will be heading to Arkansas to join Bobby Petrino and former OSU assistant Paul Haynes. Johnson will become Arkansas' co-defensive coordinator and linebackers coach, which one would assume brings a nice pay raise as well. Can't fault any man for taking an honest pay raise in today's age.

RT @wolfpupy burn your enemies and take the gems they dropClarke had come a long way since 2010.

CASH, CLARKE AND GAMBRELL... GONE. Jeremy Cash, a safety for the Ohio State football team, has told coaches he intends to transfer after only one year in the program. (He's the second player to seek a transfer since Urban Meyer's regime came to power in Columbus.) This decision came before news broke of Urban Meyer releasing cornerbacks Dominic Clarke and DerJuan Gambrell for "off-the-field issues." Clark, the famous BB gunslinger and Duron Carter's go-to punching bag on Twitter, was recently arrested for suspicion of drunken driving. (He's plead not guilty.) DerJuan Gambrell, the Toledo Rogers product, was let go due to the ominous "violation of team rules."

These moves, obviously, are probably meant to show the football team there's a new sheriff in town and he doesn't suffer shenanigans lightly. Does this show Meyer, who had some disciplinary problems at Florida, plans on using a heavier fist in Columbus? We will see. Although, it is funny to watch haterz hate before the facts are laid on the table. 

DONTE WHITNER KILLED A MAN OVER THE WEEKEND. That might be a bit of hyperbole, but I honestly thought the 49er's Donte Whitner might end up in handcuffs when I watched what he did to the Saints' Chris Ivory Pierre Thomas on Saturday:

The hit, for what it's worth, was clean. It was one of many big hits Donte Whitner made on the day, before missing a 4th-quarter tackle on Saints' tight-end Jimmy Graham, which would have cost them the game hadn't Alex Smith's golden arm bailed him out. (The sentence made sense until that last part.)

 BUCKEYE BASKETBALL BACK ON TRACK. Ohio State's men's basketball team paid Tom Crean's team back in kind for an earlier season loss yesterday. I didn't watch but a few possessions of the game -- the game long in Ohio State's hand -- but does Tom Crean always look like an asshole? . 

POGZ. A Saints fan shot two 49ers fans at an Applebee's in Georgia... CUSA, MWC may dissolve and form a new conference... Anxiety at Arrowhead Stadium... Corporate Twits... Ohio State's football program is worth 520 million dollars (but we can't pay these kids!)... The best Urban Meyer photoshop yet... How "Seven Nation Army" conquered the sports world...


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Michael's picture

Playing the role of Tony Reali in the round-up's "What'd we miss?"

Then it'll be time to watch Urban Meyer bang hammers on the entire Big Ten in the name of Ohio and in 1080p!

HDTV is only broadcast at 720p.

when I watched what he did to the Saints' Chris Ivy on Saturday:

The Whitner hit was on Pierre Thomas, not Chris Ivory.

And the corporate twits link goes to the Anxiety at Arrowhead Stadium article.

faux_maestro's picture

Your mom told me she wants a Dicken Cidar.

BuckeyeNation's picture

^^^ I see what you did there... lol!

DJ Byrnes's picture

Thank you Michael. I've switched the links as well as bashed my head into my desk for messing up the name of Whitner's murder victim. Come to think of it, I should probably call 1-800-Flowers and have those wake flowers redirected...

As for 1080p, well, let us hope Americans have harnessed such technology by the fall of 2012. There is still hope, ya?

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

buckeyedude's picture

Saddened to see this year's "Toledo connection" screw up. Good luck in your new endevour DerJuan. I don't think it will take long for you to realize what a great opportunity you had.

I wonder if there was a poll for HC's recruiting other asst. coaches, where Urban would be ranked?

Are you sure HDTV is only broadcast in 720p, Michael?

Update: Just heard on local news that DerJuan is transerring to the Toledo Rockets.



Michael's picture

In the United States, 1080p over-the-air broadcasts still do not exist as of 2012; all major networks use either 720p60 or 1080i60 encoded with MPEG-2. However, satellite services (e.g. DirecTV, XstreamHD, and Dish Network) utilize the 1080p/24-30 format with MPEG-4 AVC/H.264 encoding for pay-per-view movies that are downloaded in advance via satellite or on demand via broadband internet only.

phxbuck's picture

Man awesome call out Farva, you really got him good. 

buckeyedude's picture

So I guess I was suckered into buying my 1080i TV several years ago, when no network, or very few use 1080i like the salesman said? I'm pissed!



slippy's picture

It depends on the channel.  CBS uses 1080i.  ABC and Fox ( I think) use 720p.  Some TVs will tell you if you press the info button.

Northbrook's picture

"...type 16 diabetes..." that is pretty damn funny unless you have type 8 and just found out it can get twice as bad.

BuckeyeBacker98's picture

To answer your question....yes, Tom Crean always looks like an asshole.  I don't see how he doesn't get T-d up every single game.  He spends the whole game on the court and continually chirps to any official that gets within 20 feet of him.  I badly want to see him get "accidentally" trucked by a player running down the sideline.

OSUNeedles's picture

He gets some extra leeway from officials because they know he has so much frustration stored up from the time he was married to Roseanne... 

Hasbro's picture

How much do the Harbaugh brothers hate having him as a brother-in-law?

BuddhaBuck's picture


  • Donte Whitner's hit was nasty. Awesome to see him doing well in SF after struggling in Buffalo.
  • Lenzelle could have gone for 40 if Buford didn't shoot so often.
  • More raiding of the PSU cupboard? Williams & Reeves?

Don't text while driving.

VestedInterest's picture

5/12 and 2/5 from three in 37 minutes qualifies as shooting often? OK I guess.

Doc's picture

Does anyone know when the Spring Game is scheduled?  I would like to take the kids and the sooner I can start planning the better.




CJDPHoS Member

The Official DDS of 11W

BuckeyeBacker98's picture

I've heard/seen that it's April 21st...but haven't seen anything "official" from the University.

The Vest-er's picture

I think it usually falls on the last saturdayof april. 

Fundamentals are a crutch for the talentless.

BuckeyeBacker98's picture

Actually, in most years it has been the second to last Saturday in April.  Which would be consistent with it being held on the 21st this year.

BucksfanXC's picture

Look at the Lacrosse schedule, it will be on the day that they play their game in the Shoe.

“Any time you give a man something he doesn't earn, you cheapen him. Our kids earn what they get, and that includes respect.”  - Woody

BuckeyeBacker98's picture

Good call...the "Showdown in the Shoe" is scheduled for April 21st at 11:00 vs. Air Force.  That all but confirms that the Spring Game will be on April 21st.

I can't wait...may make that my 4 year-old's first trip to Ohio Stadium.

Maestro's picture

Hope the Def Backs coach is named soon.  Don't want to go into signing day with that question mark looming.

vacuuming sucks

Denny's picture

That Whitner just walked off the field after the hit makes it even better.

God-damn do I love that guy.


FLAMikey's picture

The "European soccer" comment cost the author a massive amount of street cred.

At least watch rugby if you must resort to across the pond sports.

rdubs's picture

I disagree.  I know people love to hate on soccer, but you got your mafia match fixing like in boxing.  The hooligans make Dodger fans look soft.  And if you complain about people faking injuries, American football has the same thing going on.  

VestedInterest's picture

Honestly, I wouldn't know that mafia match fixing, anything regarding Hooligans that isn't a soundbite or shit about faking injuries goes on in soccer because I can't watch more than 18 seconds of it in a stretch, nor do I care to. Soccer highlites are why remote controls were invented and one of the main reasons it never leaves my hand.

DJ Byrnes's picture

I don't know the rules to rugby.

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

FLAMikey's picture

I don't either, but it's still damn entertaining (same with Australian Rules Football). The "street cred" comment was tongue-in-cheek....

As some others have stated, I can't watch soccer. But I can't watch golf either. To each his own.

Denny's picture

The only fanbases in the world who consistently come close to being as passionate about their teams as college football fans are those packing Euro soccer stadiums. They're legit. 

Also, their sport is a delight to watch.


Nappy's picture

Totally agree about the passionate fans.  I love hearing the coordinated singing and chanting.  I can't wait for the Arsenal-Man U game this weekend.  Van Persie is tearing everyone a new one this year.

I never saw a football player make a tackle with a smile on his face

DJ Byrnes's picture

Psh, Arsenal is sorry. Nothing I enjoy more than watching them go down in flames.

As for the fans, they are like all fans. Some good, some bad. (Much like college football.) I wish Ohio State fans could coordinate signing and were creative enough to figure out songs about the likes of Ryan Shazier and Braxton Miller. I think that'd make college football -- and Ohio Stadium -- a lot cooler. Alas, I guess I will have to settle for renditions of "Seven Nation Army" and "defense" chants.

If you don't like soccer and have tried to watch it -- to each his own. I don't think 0-0 games are as common as some detractors think, but I can understand if you don't like it. (Even though a 21-14 game is really 3-2.) I'm the same way about golf though. I don't consider it a sport let alone an event worth wasting my time watching.

Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

Nappy's picture

Arsenal is garbage but Van Persie is in straight beast mode. 

Seven Nation Army was cool for about 4 games and now you hear it in NFL stadiums.  But I'm not creative enough to come up with songs about Braxtons swift moves and Shazier crushing fools.  Nor am I organized enough to get 100,000 people to sing it in unison. 

I can only watch golf on the last round of majors.  Otherwise, I'm with you.

I never saw a football player make a tackle with a smile on his face

William's picture

Huge Arsenal fan, and they have totally underperformed this year. Fabregas leaving really handicapped the team. RVP has been a beast though, and is showing people what he can do when healthy. Definitely miss the days of Bergkemp, Henry and Pires. 

DJ Byrnes's picture

It'd be something the students could easily do and organize if anybody on the Block O actually put any thought into anything.

Songs wouldn't be hard. Just steal them from somewhere else and insert your own verbs and names.


Californian by birth, Marionaire by the Grace of President Warren G. Harding.

onetwentyeight's picture

If you dont like soccerfootball then DONT WATCH IT. No need to disparage what other people enjoy.

(And for the record OSU has a soccer team as well and I'd like to see you talk to any of those players about "street cred"). 



Maestro's picture

I agree with this.  People who supposedly don't like soccer sure tend to spend a lot of time and effort talking about it.

vacuuming sucks

jedkat's picture

Kind of like OSU trolls?

"Can we please stop the message board fighting? I really can't stand the message board fighting..."

"No. You're an idiot, and your posts are terrible."

btalbert25's picture

Here's my problem with the soccer debate.  You have one side that just hates it and disregards anything about the sport.  Then on the other side there is typically some douchebaggery that somehow you are less civilized if you don't appreciate soccer. 

Personally, I recognize the popularity of the sport.  I recognize that they probably have the most intense fans on earth.  I recognize that the World Cup has so many interesting story lines that actually extend beyond the sport and take on political and historical significance.  Soccer players are great athletes as well. 

All that being said, I hate Soccer!  I hate that I can sit there and watch 90 minutes plus bonus time and the game can end 0-0.  I've tried, tried, tried to like the game, but no matter how much I've tried to appreciate the game, the one fact remains, I'd rather watch anything than soccer.  Golf, Tennis, and Curling are all more exciting.  When I mention that I don't like it or don't care about it, I get the same reaction every time.  A roll of the eyes and some condescending talk like I'm some sort of mouth breathing hillbilly. I'm not the typical soccer hater, I realize it's significance worldwide, but it doesn't mean I like it. 

It's kind of like the symphony to me.  Sure, people world wide love it.  Geniuses made the music, and the songs have been appreciated for decades.  Given my choice though, I'd much rather be entertained by less sophisticated form of music like I don't know Beastie Boys lol.  See, I can both recognize the importance of Bach or Motzart and choose to not like it.  

btalbert25's picture

All though, I must say, I've met some English soccer fans, who love different clubs, and I must say they definitely aren't sophisticated, so I'm not sure why there is kind of an uppity attitude in the US when it comes to soccer.  A lot of the English fans I've met would resemble in attitude, behavior, and appearance the very worst fans from Alabama football. 

Scott K's picture

To stereotype, football/soccer fans (at least in the UK) and very much the players tend to be blue colar folks.  Rugby players (for sure) and many of their fans are actually white collar.  Just a stereotype, but that's pretty typical.  Most of the England rugby squad went to upscale boarding schools and colleges.  No football/soccer players go to college, many don't even graduate from high school as the top pros are playing with their 1st team clubs as teenagers.

"There's a fine line between stupid, and....clever.  David St. Hubbins/Nigel Tufnel

jvd253's picture

To paraphrase an archaic aphorism, rugby is a ruffian's game played by gentlemen, while football/soccer is a gentlemen's game played by ruffians.

"A guy from Ohio can make it in life if he works hard enough." - Wayne Woodrow Hayes